


The Chokehold

by oxma



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Au/Not cannon, Bondage, Boot Worship, Comedy, Consequences, Drama, Eight years after Sacred Ashes, Ellana must choose, Ellana swears like a sailor, Evanuris, F/M, Fluffy, Mild BDSM, Mirae a ho, NSFW, Neria Surana mention, Original Character(s), Post Tresspasser, Profanity, Right?, Sandal mention, Slow Burn, Smut, Transformation, Tropes, Varric will never recover from this, Washthrine a bro, Wisdom, Writing Dorian is the best, comedy drama all in one, dominate lavellan, dont be afraid of these tags plz, dragonage universe, eh it happens, head canon, mild D&s, not sorry!, oh maker help me, oh maker the twist will be hilarious, people love cats, pillows, push and pull, really i am sorry, smut with plot, solas exposed, solas likes pillows, there will be a twist, twist - Freeform, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:14:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26652772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxma/pseuds/oxma
Summary: Ellana Lavellan decides to publish her intimate moments she had with Solas as a way to fuddle up his dire plans to tear down the veil. It doesn't appear to work (or did it all along?), and another plan is concocted to take its place.Dragonage Universe/A.U/I am still working on this, but I am taking a little break right now, and will continue writing after the new year 2021. Very busy atm with lots of things, but will still be working on this fic and finishing it. See ya sometime in January!
Relationships: Ellana/Fen'Harel, Ellana/Solas, Female Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan
Comments: 35
Kudos: 47





	1. Liar

**Author's Note:**

> I have not written in a long ass time. I have had this idea for a fic for a while now. I mostly read fanfiction at night as a way to cope with my amazing existence ;P But I really wanted to write at least one DAI fanfic before the world explodes, so here it is!
> 
> English is my first language and I am horrible at it, so please forgive me if this is bad as fuck. Especially my punctuation. Oh god, commas and semi-colons and...hyphens...My overuse of expletives...and ellipsis... I fuckin' love da ellipsis. HAW!
> 
> I am going to try to keep this as concise, to the point (fics i like to read myself) but also fulfilling as a read as possible. There will be a twist at around chapter 9-11. Don't worry, when and if you get there, it's not going to be too weird and go in a "weird" direction. It will only fully be "twisty" for about 8 or so chapters then untwist itself. 
> 
> If you like this, please subscribe so you get updates. I have been hacking away at this, and I expect by the end of the year it will be completely finished at the rate I'm going.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope this will be at least entertaining. :) Enjoy! Please comment if you want, because it does help. It does make writers happy.
> 
> And constructive criticism is awesome, so if you have any, REK ME! I really will not get butt-hurt if something gets confusing and I am told about it. I will fix any glaring horribleness if pointed out. :)

Varric Tethras sat behind his large oaken desk, staring at a decent thickness of stacked, handwritten parchments, “You sure you want to do this, my glum chum?” the Dwarf leaned forward, “And more importantly, you want me to read this?”

Lavellan mimicked her friend, leaning closely onto the desk, “Oh, yes, absolutely. Because once that’s published, you won’t stop hearing about it, so might as well get yourself acquainted with the chitter-chatter it shall undoubtedly find your virgin ears.”

They both laughed.

“This is going to be really bad for my book sales, you know,” Varric raised an eyebrow and smirked, “You might just be the new number one selling author.”

“I hope so,” Ellana idly leaned her chin on the palm of her one hand and swayed back and forth, “because if this doesn’t work, then it’s not going to matter anyway.” With that, the former Inquisitor stood, pushed her chair in, and looked at her friend. “I’ll be downstairs sampling your finest wines, or whatever boozey drinks you got stashed down there.”

Ellana closed the door to his study and Varric listened to her retreating steps soften until he knew she was gone. It was silent except for the high crackle of a fresh wood fire in the hearth behind him.

Still holding onto either side of the stack of parchments, he leaned back in his chair, plopped his thick legs on the desk, crossing them at the ankle, and primed an index finger behind the first top corner of the first page.

He began to read:

****

##  **The Dread Wolf’s Hands**

##### True romantic accounts by the Former Inquisitor, Ellana Lavellan.

 **Chapter One - Liar**  
The deepest shade of orange embers slowly cooked within themselves, heavily sinking in their own ash. The Inquisitor's quarters only lit by the dying light of this fire, the room was now deep in shadow and the Inquisitor in question was sitting on the foots-edge of her Dalish inspired bed. She stared at the fading light before her, fingers growing cold despite the warmth the fire still provided, and then she stared at her short, bitten off nails she had allowed herself to trim with her teeth.  


She was nervous and very impatient at the moment. The comfort of plush furs covering the bed did nothing. She thought of what had happened eight days ago. She and the man she had found herself completely in love with, immersed with, shared a deep and powerful conversation on her balcony at Skyhold. The whipping and shear cold of the mountain air carrying their words off into the high mountain peaks...  


_...they were suddenly wrapped in each other's mouths, a deep kiss roaming within each other with just as much animal instinct as much as passion._

_She never felt so aroused in all her life, save for the moment she thrust her first sword into the gut of an assailant that was about to steal her favorite halla for meat. She was seventeen then, and on the night shift to keep watch. Yet the moment Fen'Harel slid his hand down to the side of her waist, then to the small of her back, just above her ass, she could almost feel the instant of her swelling._

_Fen' Harel, being ever so shy at his impudence of succumbing to his desires, she guessed, pulled away for only a moment, only to lunge back with need to consume her still wet lips. The noises of their kissing blew away with the gentle breeze, on the tail end of their moments-ago conversation. Looking at each other, her pupils were more than likely just as dilated as his, to the point where the true color of their eyes were lost to darkness of pure tension and impulsiveness. Fen'Harel pulled away, said something she could not quite hear, then made his way off the balcony and more than likely back to his sacred Rotunda of Skyhold._

_The Inquisitor was so sexually charged that she was unable to do anything but stand dumbly within the balcony window and watch the wolf slink off, the door closing gently moments later with its telltale "creak" at the last second. She wanted to scream at him to come back. Scream at him to rip her clothes off and fuck her til her hair fell out._

_Her neck was tight, but it wasn’t._  
_Her skin was hot, but it was cooling._  
_What the fuck was that?_

So yes, that was eight days ago. The week and one day from that point had made the Inquisitor extremely antsy and irritated at most of her driveled duties. Being in-between travels to this place or that, with shy but bold looks and quiet conversation between her and Fen'Harel when they managed to bump into each other. 

Today would be different though, and she had invited the elf to her quarters earlier in the day with a sealed note given to her most trusted personal aide, with the expected time between very late afternoon to dusk (when she was normally back in her quarters writing missives and thank you letters, or to read). After handing off the note, she had changed into formal attire and began her day in haste to get the war-table meetings underway. 

It was now well past Skyhold's evening, and she surmised only she was the last one awake within the fortress. All the drinking was well and done in the tavern by now.

Shimming off the deep blue woolen shawl she had wrapped herself in,allowing it to fall to the floor, the Inquisitor scooched back into her bed and drew up the thick fur covers around her stiffening body. Her head snuggled deep within several feathered pillows, she brought her cold hands to rest under the warmth of her head, just as a child would sleep with a fever.

She lay there, awake but eyes closed, her mind racing with so many reasons why Fen'Harel did not take the invitation to her rooms. Was he too busy for her? Did the sealed note not make it to him and in some other's hands...possibly a drunken soldier, now showing all of Skyhold, with a new tavern song being created? Did he forget? Did he not care? Did he want to forget? 

She saw it in his eyes on the balcony. She saw that it would have only taken one mere brush of the upper thigh between the legs of the other and it would have been done then. But he had pulled away, and she had been so...not necessarily flustered, but not wanting him to go just yet. 

She should have told him that he had to stay. 

Thoughts of every scenario raced through her mind. She must have been in bed for at least over an hour now when she felt the mattress begin to sink and she felt her body slightly roll into the direction of the compression.

A very warm, and very heavy arm draped over her dipping waist. "I'm sorry for the delay" a most familiar voice whispered somewhere near the top of her head. 

The Dread Wolf’s smell floated towards her. Not the smell of parchment, or oil paint, or herbs.

He smelled dirty.  
He smelled raw.  
He smelled like moist skin, cold air, and fucking dirt.

She rolled over to face him, her breasts sagging with gravity, the right one laying upon the crook of his elbow as he shifted with her. 

“Are you illiterate?” she said to him.

He crinkles his nose. “No? Why?”

“You got my note, right?”

“Yes.”

“Why so late then?” 

Fen’Harel stared at her, she could barely make out the whites of his eyes as the fire suddenly died down, yet a pitiful pale moonlight shone through the balcony, and he let out a deep breath as he scooted closer to her body. “I was preoccupied. I was not in the hold. I just found the note on my desk. I am here now.”

Liar.  
She should have known then. 

Their eyes locked onto each other despite the deepening darkness of the room, and then she grabbed him.

Fen’ Harel let out a hiss that was more like a moan, but it was quite strange to her ears. The sound bounced around in her head and she grinned. He was almost hard as a rock. 

He was expecting this.  
He must have come into her room already stiff.

His clothes and what little she already wore were ripped off of each other within moments. She could feel every lap of his tongue on her neck, her shoulders, her tits. His breath humid in the spots he marked with his mouth. She held his head, her grasp gentle but assertive that his mouth should not leave her tits. They were the most sensitive part, and she wanted him _stationed_. 

Fen’Harel was hard as stone now.  
She could feel him by her knee as it bobbed up and down while he was hunched over her body attacking her chest with hands and mouth. 

He took her anchored hand and guided it down to herself as he lay his naked body next to hers and sucked on her earlobe, abandoning her chest. 

“Help me, Ellana,” He whispered as he took a beat, “Show me.”

So she did. 

The Dread Wolf capped his own first finger over hers as she rubbed with her own, the pearl of herself. She was slick and it began to coat their hands. She almost came at that, but held herself over. Even through the obscene sounds, noises that escaped their swollen lips, she could not believe that she was finally getting what she wanted. 

He kissed her.  
It was disgusting.  
It was disgusting because it was so fucking good.  
The sheen of spit was layering the skin of their faces, drying, then reapplied with more spit. 

Her skin was so red hot, she needed water immediately. 

She pried herself away from his mouth, walked as fast as she could to the water basin and drank a quick cup of water, refilling it and bringing it to him. 

Fen’ Harel relished the drink, and he let the cup roll over onto the floor off the bed.

It shattered.

There are plenty of cups at Skyhold. 

She wrestled free of his clinging arms and rolled him over on his back.  
She planted herself fully onto his lap, the sting of his cock inside her already subsiding as she bowed over slightly and put her delicate hands and fingers around his neck, squeezing as much as she knew he could take. 

Fen’Harel bucked into her rapidly, and as soon as he started, he was done, screaming so loud she took away her chokehold and put two fingers to his lips. She rode him until she could feel him soften and rolled him over on top of her and he immediately thrust two fingers inside. Slick with him, slick with her, he jabbed his fingers inside of her cunt and as she began to scream herself. He then pressed his hand as far as it could go, ceasing the erratic movement and holding his hand still, and beckoned her from within. 

“Come here,” he breathed, “come here.”

She hunched, her upper body straining as the muscles of her stomach willed themselves to pull her upright, but she flopped backwards, her head hitting the pillow and the muscles of her stomach turned to nothing. Her hips rose, she relaxed everything and the sweetest fluttering of her core began to take place.

She was not of this world.  
Fen’Harel’s fingers were not of this world. 

It was as if he was able to vibrate his first and middle finger in complete harmony as a hummingbird's wings. 

Her loud groan was more than screaming. It was a call to the entire world.   


**+**

Varric Tethras made his way silently downstairs and around the corner. 

Ellana Lavellan was sitting in a very worn leather chair, her ankles crossed on the floor as her body slouched low. He almost thought she was just gonna slide out of the chair altogether. 

He noticed that she noticed him, but there was a small moment of silence in the air. 

“Well, what do you think?” she said almost slurring. “It’s not that long of a read, so I am already kinda drunk.”

Varric smiled.

He read the account several times.

“I think this is going to royally piss him off,” Varric uncorked a new bottle of wine, and poured himself a glass, “...piss him off...and.... also make him a target for gossip. It will get around. It will get around all OVER. As soon as this hits the shelves, his credibility will falter. Not to mention to make him weak because he knows it’s-”

“-he knows it’s true,” Ellana interjects, “and he has never been one to air his dirty laundry. Imagine when this reaches his new found disciples? His upper ranks? They will be like, ‘ Oh, the Dread Wolf likes to be willing! I want his dick too!’” Lavellan faux-faints in the leather chair. 

Varric takes a sip of wine, then for the hell of it, gulps the whole glass down.

“He really got you weak in the knees, huh?” Varric sets his glass down to pour more wine into it. 

“Yes,” Lavellan offers her glass and Varric fills it, “But this will make him weak in the knees.”

“He is going to try to make you stop”

“Yup.” The former Inquisitor, Ellana Lavellan, pulls a case from underneath the leather chair, “Here, there’s more!”

Varric Tethras hasn’t laughed so hard on so little wine in a long time. “He is going to have cubs!” Varric already hiccups, “You know!”

“And those cubs are going to be mine.” Lavellan laughs too. “Sorry my writing is shitty.”

“Naahh,” Varric shrugs, “You get the meaning across. Besides, if he plans to do what he is going to do, no one will have enough time for a true critique”

Lavellan raises her glass to that and sips. “He is going to falter, contact me, tell me to stop, and then I will have his ass.”


	2. Her Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas finds out how successful Lavellan has recently become.

It took three weeks to print three-thousand copies of the first installment of “The Dread Wolf’s Hands”.  
It took another three weeks for the small pamphlet to be distributed in each major city of Thedas, Primarily Orlais, and as far north as Antiva.  
It took three more weeks to get word that replicas were being printed and distributed by other printers hoping to make profit. 

Which they were.  
Oh well. 

To Lavellan, it did not matter. She was not looking into making any sort of profit from her personal experiences. She even paid Varric upfront for the printing herself, and the trusted riders to travel to disperse them.

The only profit she wanted to make, was for Solas to falter, to fuck up, and give her and Leliana time to find his base.

She knew she could not stop him. He was insanely powerful now. One blink and her tits would turn to stone. 

But she was hoping that there would be enough time for the secret team of her truest friends to find a way to neutralize him. To at least have some hope that there _was_ a way to stop him.

The second installment of her erotic visceral tales had already been printed and waiting in the depths of Varric’s basement. The third installment was almost done being printed. Varric suggested cutting the printings down to half, since there was the case of the black market printing.

“Might as well have them use up all their paper and save ours,” he had said. 

She agreed. 

Because from what she had heard, most of Thedas was buzzing with positive and negative reviews. For the most part, people actually did not believe that the story was written by her. It was assumed that since the Inquisition had disbanded, that there was someone out there writing this to discredit her. Mainly because she was an elf. They wanted to ruin her name. There were even rumors it was Gaspard de Chalons. _Ridiculous_. 

Though she had not heard from anyone, she would not be surprised if one of the Dalish had gotten a hold of the pamphlets and it was currently circulating all through the camps across the map. The majority of the population of Thedas knew not of the Elvhen Pantheon, or anything really relating to elves, so she knew it was very high risk and would get backlash at some point from the Dalish for such Blasphemy. 

She had written several times to her clan, but had never heard a word back.  
She assumed she was now a stain upon their race.  
It was a risk she was willing to absolutely take. 

The positive reviews were amazing however. Mainly coming from Orlais, of course. They didn’t care if she wrote the account or not. It was sex, and with an ex-political figure, it was scandolus and exciting. 

They wanted more. 

Well, they would have more. 

Because if a little pamphlet had not reached Solas by now, it will very soon. And they needed to keep pumping these out so that it would become more and more of the most singular things in Thedas to be talking about. 

Lavellan grinned, scratching an earlobe and spelled the fire of the hearth to heat up. She threw a few more logs on and made her way to her desk in her quarters at Skyhold. 

It was still her castle, and she wasn’t leaving. 

She held her quill in her right hand, thanking whomever that she did not lose her dominate, and began to write. 

***+***

“What is it? Is there something else?” Solas flicked his eyes from the few scouting reports that came in moments ago. He stared at Abelas standing in the doorway who was looking uneasy.

Abelas nodded quickly and came back into the room, walking around the quaint desk of Fen’Harel and stood a little too close to the Wolf's right side. He pulled out a small pamphlet and dropped it on top of the reports he had just given, “This was found in the coat pocket of a slaughtered Dalish that you will find in one of the full reports. It has been read by the agents and they thought it best that you should too.”

Solas listened as he dropped his eyes to the small paper book, reading the front face.

 ** _The Dread Wolf’s Hands_**  
_**Chapter Four: In the Fallow Mire, We Cling to our Small Deaths**_  
**_True accounts of the former Inquisitor Lavellan_**

“Is this worth my time?” Solas continued to stare at the tiny book.

“I wouldn’t know,” Abelas started to make his way to the door again, “After some time in the city, inquiring and hearing, it is quite famous at the moment and there is a lot of talk. I believe it is for you to judge if they are true or just silly, bored shems.”

Abelas left quietly.

Solas picked the curious tiny book up and gently tossed it aside, then delved into the reports. His study was a decent size, not too big, but the ceiling was extremely high. There were candelabras bolted into the stone walls, where many lit candles radiated a beautiful rich glowing light. One hundred candles of various lengths, to be exact. 

After a good hour or so, he came upon the report of the slaughtered Dalish mentioned by his most trusted company. 

It wasn’t just one Dalish, it was fourteen. A small caravan making its way south to camp through the thick trees of the Planasene Forest for the oncoming cooler season were found rotting for at least over a week. Near enough to Kirkwall that it was surmised it was bandits. The details were gorey, and Solas could feel the veins in his neck pumping with disgust and exhaustion at the brutality. 

He stood, pushing the black lacquered wooden chair behind him with the backs of his thighs...hands held behind his back, and a deep sigh flaring his nostrils. 

He stood for a moment, staring at a particular candle's flame directly across from him, then tilted his head sideways and glared at the floor….then to his desk to the little pamphlet that was buried by the read reports save for its right hand corner poking out. 

He sat back down. 

Picking the pamphlet up, he opened it to the first page and read in the light of a hundred, beautiful, flickering candles.

_“The dark of the night shrouded us in censor.  
The humidity gave us listlessness.  
The dead gave us a reason.  
Fen’Harel gave me urgency._

_The fog began to roll in a strange way. It steeped pungently even so within the sturdy room of Hargrave Keep that the Dread Wolf and I had taken for ourselves. What fresh water that had been available was already used to clean myself and my lover. It had to be rationed._

_I will boil more tomorrow._

_Dusty bottles of old port that were deemed still “good” flowed for now._

_Fen’Harel used what he could to make a nest for us to sleep in I noticed, and I took a healthy gulp from a port bottle. Armor discarded into a corner of the small room, I saw he managed to gain a sufficient amount of now dried straw (he had used a low grade magic to dry it as best as he could) that he was able to lay their bedrolls on after._

_There was no hearth in this room._

_It was so very humid and musty and hot._

_I was wearing nothing. He was wearing nothing._

_We took to the nest and wrestled singularity to get comfortable, side by side, but not too close because our bodies were so warm._

_“I hate this place,” I said, “But I also like it.”_  
_“I understand your meaning,” he said back, shifting to face me. “ There is so much sadness here, but also, I believe, I will find happiness when I sleep. When the fade comes to me and I can see what this place once was.”_

_I snorted._

_“The fade is going to show you a bunch of crazy weird shit.”_

_Fen’Harel laughed softly, “I will meet you there soon.”_

_I stayed awake for a while, shifting to try to feel comfortable enough. Soon my body cooled to a respectable degree and I fell asleep._

_He fell asleep._

_It was pure magic._  
It was as if we both entered at the same time, meeting each other instantly. 

_It was cool here. I took a few steps towards his body and stood as close as I could. He draped an arm behind my back, coiling it around under my arm and we started walking slowly, forward._

_The Mire wasn’t all too bad in the fade._ _It had happy moments._  
_It had very sad moments._  
_It had very violent moments._

_It was just like living everyday life, except here, we were only voyeurs._

_I knew this place, because it was what I, and Fen’Harel, and Dorian, and Cassandra, and the Inquisition Soldier, Harris, who had died recently, lived through day by day._

_I awoke._

_I sat up and took in my quick surroundings._

_Fen’Harel awoke not too long after. We both noticed the drastic change in climate and we felt chilled._

_He took in a deep inhale of the staunched air and buried himself in my neck, only a moment later to move to my chest, and I felt an immediate pulse draw from my right breast to my sanctum. I gathered my arms around his head and lay my lips on the top of his head, then he moved down my body._

_He drank from me...”_

Solas stopped reading for a moment. There were several more pages left to read, but he needed to stop because he remembered this occurrence. _Perfectly._

Which made it true.

And this was noted as the fourth chapter.

So that meant there were three more circulating. Who knew, maybe there were more beyond this one? He certainly knew there were more, or at least, would be more, because he had lain with his Vhenan an unimaginable amounts of times. He loved her so much. 

Solas leaned his elbows on the desk and held his face, peeking out through his fingers, he noticed many of the candles had burned out. Picking the small book up again, he finished reading the remaining pages, knowing full well what they entailed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Lavellan uses a single sword, and she also uses magic. Her magic is not necessarily majorly strong, but I kind of want to have her trained well in sword-play, while also using a spell shield. She's kinky like that :P


	3. Yonder Tree

It was the colder months now, and Lavellan was currently busy blasting huge chunks of earth into the air with magic, trying to make a decent sized hole, because one of her horses died. 

The mare was old enough that she had an inkling it might not make it through this very harsh winter. She was correct. She should have had a _just-in-case_ hole made already when the ground was not so frozen... like she was thinking to do, but never got around to the morbid precautionary task. 

Only about a quarter of an hour in, the hole was finished enough to suffice. There were some bits of the mare missing, as it had died in her presence, and as a born survivalist, she harvested as much meat as she could to make jerky. 

And also the skin. Because, well, nothing should go to waste. 

When she had the remains of the mare in the hole and covered sufficiently, she recited a few words: 

_“I had a horse and the horse pleased me. I fed my horse by yonder tree."_

Well, done with that. 

As she turned to make her way back into her castle, she felt a small prickle on her neck. It was quiet for a while, yet halfway to the side entrance of Skyhold, she heard several of her ravens making quite a commotion. 

It was about time for Leliana to send her any reports, as it has been many weeks, but she never heard the birds cackling this loud. Halfway up to the rookery, the ravens quieted, but she still had a strange feeling. The air around her felt pressurized in a way that it almost felt like Skyhold was once again filled with hundreds and hundreds of people. Not the norm now, with just her own self, now four horses, and seven messenger birds. 

Eight ravens rested in the Rookery. A tiny scroll was dropped under the new resident, which she recognized as Leliana’s. 

The bird had shat on the scroll, splattering over most of the outside parchment.

“Ugghh”, Lavellan made a face, then picked it up anyway, thumb and forefinger holding daintily onto it where the least amount of foul was and opened it as best she could to avoid the smears.

_Camp. One and nine.  
Very soon. Rex Higgins. Dinner.  
-N_

Ah.

Leliana.

She understood the message perfectly well. 

Ten agents, one will introduce themselves as a “Rex Higgins”, and she will be expecting said person around dinner time within the next bit of the week or so. Camp meant they planned to stay for a while, or not. She would be filled on those details by this Rex Higgins person. 

She will have to clear up the spiderwebs in the old Tavern for them. 

That must have been what she felt earlier, the strange pressure in the air. She swore she could feel the air when someone was too close for comfort. 

Lavellan raked her right hand through her almost black, steel grey hair. Smart with a blade, she kept it as she always had since the early days of the Inquisition; shaved on the sides with a bit of length on top. It had been longer in the past with thick ringlets flowing down her neck and always in her face. After the Conclave and all the titter-tatter, and after her first few days in the Hinterlands, she realized she would have to have it cut. Having to wear a helmet to keep her from having more scars added to her face, she allowed Harrit to cut it down and then showed her how to maintain it. 

She kept the shaved sides now, but began to let the length on top grow a bit...a length that almost touched her shoulders, ringlets spilling in a nostalgic way, fluttered in her eyes...and she realized what she just did. 

“Fuck,” she hissed.

She forgot that her hand had bird shit on it. 

***+***

It was well past mid-day.  
Lavellan checked on her horse jerky and the skin that was stretched out on a tanning rack. She was very confident in her jerky making skills. The tanning, however, she was really hoping it would turn out better than the last time she tried the craft. The mare was pure black, with tiny flecks of random white hair, as she had aged. Looking at it made her think of a night sky with sparkling stars. 

The surviving horses seemed healthy, and she was able to feed them a bit extra as there was now a vacant spot in the stables. 

She checked and fed the ravens, eyeing Leliana’s and gave it a mental scolding for having shit on the scroll. Which was now caked in her hair. 

Everything was well and fed, except her. And she needed a bath now. Going back into Skyhold’s side door, Lavellan made her way to the old war room where she stored giant barrels of fresh water to drink, cook, and bathe with. The room where she spent, it seemed, an infinity amount of time in, was also where she would have her bath. The large war table was hacked into bits of wood now to use as kindling for the far and in-between times she would take time to herself to cleanse her body. She guessed she had plenty of water to make it through till next month when she would have to strap the horses to the wagon and make her way to a drop off point where fresh supplies would be left for her by an agent of the Divine, so she rationed her washings accordingly.

She scrubbed all the grime and bird shit from her hair and body. She was out of any scented oils, but it was not like she had anyone to impress with smelling good. Plain old skin it was.

Lavellan sensed again, that strange feeling as she toweled herself dry in the mildly chill air, but it was a fleeting sensation. It was gone in an instant. Wrapping the towel around herself and leaving her dirty clothes in the pile where she tossed them (she would wash them later), she slowly opened the door to the war room and peeked out into the long hallway. It was empty. 

She quickly sprinted down the hallway to the room where Josephine had once had her office, and swung the door open hard. A draft of freezing air hit her. Nothing in this room either. She did the same as she exited the office, scanning the large empty and freezing cold room, her eyes meeting the dusty throne she once sat on.

Still, nothing. 

She must be paranoid, but nonetheless she bolted to the door that led to her quarters and did not stop sprinting until she was in the warmth of her fire lit room. The castle was so fucking cold. She went to her wardrobe and encased herself in a very thick woolen, but soft, night shift that hung to her ankles. She chomped down on some almost stale bread and toasted almonds. She drank a glass of pale wine. She felt full. 

An exasperated puff of air left her mouth when she sat down at her desk after stoking the fire that she added a few extra logs to, and penned a quick response to Leliana, the now Divine, to attach to the leg of the precious shitting bird. She penned a response to Dorian that she was doing well. 

And that was it. She thought about writing another one of her epic tales of mushing her genitals against the Dread Wolf’s, but she was exhausted at this point. The fourteenth chapter was freshly being distributed and the more she wrote, the more it became harder to write. She was feeling fully exposed and it was cumbersome to remember all of the wonderful experiences she had with Solas, because she would do anything to have those experiences again. To continue to have new experiences. To dream about having a different reality where he was just a dashingly handsome and loving Apostate hobo, where they would live a daily life somewhere in the woods, in the aftermath of Corypheus. 

And that’s why she was doing this. She was hoping that in some way, this would give her a chance to save her world, and to also save him. 

It was a daunting realization. It would probably not turn out in her favor, nor Thedas’. But it was going to have to work for now, because Solas was currently a master of egress. 

She and Leliana, along with what help Cassandra was offering with the seekers, Cullen, Vivienne, the Red Jennies, Dorian and Bull - not to mention all of the people that were employed or in league with her friends that she just named off -.were grasping for hardcore intel of where to find Solas and his network of _fuck-all-Veil-killers_. 

Plopping under the fur covers of her very lonely bed, Lavellan drifted to sleep.

***+***

_[|]Four days later[|]_

__

They moved silent and steady through the hard crusted snow of the Frostbacks. Snow crunching at their feet, they had finally made it to their destination three days ahead of schedule. It was dark as dark could be, and the only thing darker than the night was the darkness of Skyhold as it towered over their fatigued and bitterly cold bodies. They made their way into the fortress and were signaled to halt by their leader to wait. They listened. They tried to adjust their already dilated pupils to take in any movement within the courtyard. Once cleared and signaled to continue, the small group made their way toward the Tavern. 

“She left wood for us, boss”, one of the shadowed figures whispered, pointing to a nice pile of chopped wood by the tavern's door.

“She also left wine!” another said a bit too loudly, eyeing a wine barrel poking out from underneath some straw that was packed over with snow to keep it from freezing.

“She is sleeping, tired, dreaming…” another shadowy figure said. “...she is sweating and also--”

The leader of the group suddenly halted, turned around abruptly, and made annoyed flailing hand gestures, “Shut it! Or I’ll piss in your wine!”

The group quieted, save for a large shadow who had spoken first, “Sorry... Rex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing the beginning of this, with the death of the horse, I had a moment of adding in one of the quotes from a story book I like to read to my adorable crotch-dropplings, "Cat Goes Fiddle-i-fee" by Paul Galdone. It's a kids book straight up from 1985. 
> 
> This is kinda a weak chapter, but I think I put some UMMMFFF into it at the end. The next will be better at least, though it might take a short bit to get it out. I have a lot of things to do to get the house winterized before the real cold sets in.


	4. Washed Ink and Dirty Boots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan struggles with her feelings, and with her writing. Rex Higgins makes an appearance!

_His eyes grew wide as he stared at me, moving closer to me. The sound of sand floating over the expanse of the Hissing Wastes dulled in our ears._

_We had quarreled earlier, over bullshit he knew that would get under my skin (whether on purpose or not): The Dalish, the Grey Wardens, Sera’s inability to stop leaving crawling things within his pack._

_I thought it was funny, at least, when the Red Jenny would do such things. She even did it to me several times, and it made me laugh._

_The landscape of the Wastes were just that, a big fucking waste. The lavender and tan hues of the terrain were peaceful however, at least to me, and I felt very small... something that I really wanted to feel in the past months as the pressure continued to cook in the giant cauldron that was the Inquisition._

_I moved away from him then, as he gave me one of his irresistible ‘sad-eye’ looks, but not too far away, as we were on top of a high man-made platform, near our current camp. I had climbed many ladders to get up here, to sit and have a moment of peace to myself and to think. No sooner than I gazed at the moons ahead of me, feeling almost relaxed by the haze of the atmosphere in this dusty land, the breeze warm but balmy, did Fen’Harel drop to his knees and peered up into my tired turquoise eyes._

_“For someone who thinks the Dalish are children, you gravel at my feet,” I said, casting my gaze over his head and at a particularly interesting dune in the distance._

_I heard a soft huff escape his lips.  
I continued to stare into the sands. _

_“You know what I mean, Ellana,” he spoke, “and you know it too, now. Now that you have seen parts of the world outside of your clan...what I am meaning to say, what I am meaning to say now, is that there is no unification within that world. They turn away from any sort of revelations--”_

_“--Stop right there,” I turned my head back then, to look him in the eye. “Don’t you think I know that? But you know what else, is that the Dalish are free as free can be in a world where our counterparts sit in alienages, harassed, dirty, poor, and far worse dealings on a daily basis to serve others. And Tevinter? Oh yes, please tell me more! The Dalish are not slaves and we are certainly not children.”_

_The Dread Wolf held his jaw tightly and slightly shook his head._

_I stood before him and he stayed on his knees before me._

_I lifted my right leg and pressed my boot on his chest, inching pressure onto him._

_The wolf began to lean backwards with the pressure, and I applied more until he was flat on his back. A plume of dust released out into the light breeze as he fell. I released my foot and closed in on him at a snail's pace. Standing by his side I quickly reapplied my boot to where his heart was, the pressure hard enough that I knew he wouldn’t be in too much distress, but enough to let him know I was dead serious. I looked down at him._

_“We are both in the same position,” I spoke softly, “All elves are. We have been for a very, very long time. You may be an expert on many things, but not on the Dalish, or what we believe. Before all this, ” I pointed to the Inquisition's sigil pinned onto my leather belt, “as from what I have gathered, you did not come from an alienage nor are you Dalish, so what do you expect from me when you go off on a critique of my world, my fellow clans...you....don’t you think your assumptions are a bit of an overreaction because they didn’t see your way? What do you honestly expect from a group of people who have struggled so hard to keep their identities intact?”_

_The Dread Wolf lay there, prone on the scaffolding platform. I stared at him, and watched as his right hand came to rest over the lacing of my boot that pressed into his heart, feeling the heat of his hand instantly through the thick leather. I could feel his heartbeat through the sole. It was pounding. His face was so beautiful that I tried not to breathe in too deeply._

_“Ellana,” Fen’ Harel said, my name drifting into the sudden breeze._

_“Yes?” I replied, then I spit a gob of foam over the scaffolding that was festering between my teeth._

_“You are the most--”_

_I cut him off, “--Inquisitive, insightful, beautiful...most terrifying Dalish you have ever met?”_

_Fen’ Harel looked up at me, his eyes dilating again to pure black. He rose his hand up my leg from my boot and caressed the thickest part of my calf, “I--”_

_The Dread Wolf was cut off again, but not by me. We both heard a loud yell from down below._

_“OI!” Sera’s voice screeched, “Who’ev’r spit on me is gunna regret it!”_

_I looked at the Dread Wolf. He looked back with barely a hint of amusement, yet with a particular tension that I knew too well._

_“Sorry, Sera!” I shouted back, looking away from the wolf, releasing him from my boot and his grip faltered from my lower leg. I turned away from him to look over the edge of the platform. I saw Sera’s sun-beaten face looking up, hands on her hips and a scowl worn on her face._

_“Good! Better be you, Inquisitits!” Sera shouted again, “I don’t want any elfy weird spit on my head from Baldy!” There was a pause, “You two 'dun aggressively cuddling, yet? Blackwall's got a story to tell about his stinky feet, an we canna do that if elfy is takin' his sweet time negotiating your forested chasm! You in or nah?.... Elfy not invited because he probably already knows from theeeeee faaaaaaaaadddddeeee!!”_

***+***

Lavellan put her quill down and read through the account she just scribed. It was not like the other other accounts.

As she had previously thought before, it was becoming harder and harder to write out her intimate love-making with Solas. This was the first time she faltered and wrote a completely different story from what the general populous was now expecting. It was also sort of a refresher of her memories that were not so pleasant. Solas is Fen’Harel, and he was Fen’Harel back then, too. 

She just didn’t know it then.

Now that she was well aware of who he was, and what he was planning, it was interesting to think how it must have been for him to lie beneath her dirty boot. What had been running through his mind? She had, personally, remembered feeling a bit over the top with exhilaration when she had pressed him down, and now remembering the occurrence she began to feel a little heated in the cheeks.

Lavellen smirked and smiled to herself, staring at the fire just beyond her desk. Then she frowned.

She just didn’t understand why he had to destroy everything here to bring peace and acceptance back to her people. He didn’t have to continue his rebellion from thousands of years ago. There were other ways. 

And she was not particularly fond of living forever. The thought of being immortal bothered her greatly. She had seen death in gross, brutal encounters, and also in beautiful ways. She had made peace with death, knowing that the anchor was killing her, and she had already accepted it. But now that the anchor was removed, she was looking forward to hopefully a more pleasant death when the time came. If that was in store for her, that is. Who knows, maybe she would die a horrible and painful death by a goat trampling.

No, she did not want to be immortal. 

And that was Solas’ problem. He has been alive for however many thousands of years, eons, and he took time for granted. He could not be reasoned with when she last saw him. If he only understood that maybe, maybe someday things would be different for the elves, that only if more time had passed, when she was well dead and turned to dust and forgotten, that things would be different in the far future. That is how time works. There are wars, disease, but also beauty and great things. There is a balance. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but there is always the hope of things coming to a peak of final and absolute peace. Of course she wanted to see the elves become more than slaves or second class citizens, of course she did. 

There just had to be a better way to go about it.

She had been taught to hate and be weary of humans. Yet after her time with the Inquisition, while she did feel hate for some humans still (but they deserved it because they were complete and utter horrid people), there were a lot that were so amazing that it was a huge learning curve for her to accept that the world had good in it still. That no two swords were the same. 

It was the dark parts that needed to go away, that needed to be cut out and thrown in a deep pit. There needed to be change, but not to the point of destroying the world to make one race better than the other. 

Lavellan tucked the papers she just wrote under a book on her desk. She would think about what to do with it tomorrow. Keep it or trash it. She washed the ink from her fingers by a bowl near the hearth and walked slowly to her bed. She was tired, and not feeling all too well. 

***+***

Rex snuck into Ellana Lavellan’s room like a ghost, and surveyed the chamber: a sleeping body in the bed, a dwindling fire, and a desk full of goodies. 

Rex quietly set a few logs on the fire to help maintain the room’s heat and stood by it to warm up. Skyhold had always been on a bit of the chilly side, but never so cold it would freeze your nips off. 

The room was mainly dark, yet the new flames from the fire, as they grew brighter and brighter, let Rex’s eyes adjust to better seeing, before they sat at the desk of the ex-Inquisitor. 

A book here, a book there, boring boring boring….stacks of empty parchment in a neat little pile. Almost empty inkwell...ahh! Rex found a few papers hidden under a dark blue book and began to pull them out when the all too familiar sensation of cold steel pressed against their neck.

“Excuse me, but I believe you are trespassing,” a firm but rough-from-sleep voice stated quite loudly.

Rex froze, having not heard that voice flit through a room in ages, “I was just curious if this was the next chapter in the saga of ‘I fucked a psycho and a psycho fucked me’”.

The sword Rex felt along the vein of their neck fell away in an instant. And thankfully, the hum of magic that they knew to have been an orange colored, mana-filled shield in the shape of a perfect circle. 

“You!?” Ellana Lavellan stated.

Rex turned around, dropping the papers back on the desk and rose a hand to their mouth, making a “V” shape with their fingers and flicked their tongue in a very suggestive way between said fingers. “Yeah! It’s me! Rex! You got a problem with that code-name? I bet yer smalls are all soggy now!”

Rex dropped her hand and cackled like a raven.

Ellana Lavellan put her sword on the desk and raised an eyebrow, “Sera...I-”

“-No, ‘sokay!” Sera gripped Ellana’s arms in a gentle way, “better you woke up now than later. Was gunna put a bee in-yer drawers...desk drawers, not yer drawers-drawers. _Wow_....you look like shite, honey bun.”

Lavellan nodded and sat back on her bed with a slight smile, feeling a bit of a fever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched My Fair Lady a few months ago and I find myself randomly breaking out into song here and there. I am more of a fan of the 1938 movie though, Pygmalion. Leslie Howard was sexy A.F. But people are more familiar with My Fair Lady, so I am hoping there's a few out there that get the "Rex Higgins" thang. IDK why, it was just the first thing that popped into my head for a code name for Sera for some reason.


	5. Blah Blah Blaaaaaahhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan got sick. Sera helped, then Sera layed some shit down.
> 
> Lavellan almost got sick again.
> 
> Blah Blah Blah. The plot thickens!

Several days had passed since the arrival of _’Rex Higgins_ ’, who had brought along a few pals from the Inquisition days: Iron Bull, Krem and Cole. The other six agents that came with them were a mixture of a few Red Jennies, but mainly the Divine’s agents. 

She did not know any of them. 

Sera ended up taking care of her for a few days after their arrival, as she had become ill. It had been a long time since she was this ill, and fondly, she remembers it to be when they had come back from the Fallow Mire years ago. It was rough. But surprisingly, Sera had been a very good caretaker.

_“Eat all this soup!” Sera had said with extreme enthusiasm, “Eat it….eaaaattt itttttttt.”_

On the third day, her fever broke. By the middle of the fourth day, she felt well enough to sit up and talk. Her miraculous recovery was confirmed by the blonde elf as she was informed that she didn’t look like _“an old ass Druffalo’s ball-bag”_ anymore. 

Sera had not yet said why she and her counterparts were sent here, but it must be important if former Inquisition were tasked. 

And she did not ask the whole time as she lay in bed, thinking about mortality.

No goat trampling, yet.

_Damnit!_

Sera gave her some water, and replied to her question as to why they _were_ here.

Lavellan noted that Sera smelled like beeswax, wood smoke, and she believed, regurgitated stale wine. 

What a combination!

“I just wanted to read the next bit where you and Elfy bang and you do one of yer ‘ _oh imma freak out on yer cock...choke your stupid elf neck ‘n slap yer arse_ ’...cuz i think he likes that shite. I mean, yeah, he likes that stuff. _Obviously_...What a fuckin’ weirdo..i mean he’s all like, ‘ _imma big bad old faert, abuse me ….._ ” Sera made erratic hand gestures that made Lavellan bust out laughing, “...and like...y’know…his stinky elvhen god ball cheese.”

“Oh, is that all?” Lavellan replied, her eyebrow quirking.

“Mainly…” Sera started, “...mainly...but, I have top secret chitty-chitty that we need to discuss. You will be doin’ all the work, of course. Thank the tits of--”

Lavellan’s eyebrow rose even more. “--This is probably going to make me really upset, isn’t it.”

“Oh yea!” Sera paced along the balcony window, biting her nails and sort of _bobbing_ up and down as she paced. It was a strange gait, “Err…..”

Lavellan took a deep breath in and sighed, “Out with it, or I’m just going to go back to sleep.”

Sera stopped and faced her, expelling most dramatically, “Her Divine, Lord Majesty, Butter-Bits, wants you to try to contact Baldy in the green weirdo place…?”

There was a beat of silence in the room, and Lavellan instantly wanted to say _‘Fuck no_ , and _’Fuck her Divine Lord Majesty Butter-Bits’_ , but she cocked her head and looked at Sera. 

There was more to this.

“And why must I do this, Sera?”

Sera let out an exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes and plopped down at the foot end of the bed. “Because, you know all those willy-nilly sexy stories you’ve been writin’, well...Varric has been tweakin’ them a bit, without yer knowin’. Not a whole lot, but just super tiny bits. Actually, he was told to do this by Leli....and it’s a pretty genius idea they have goin’ on…”

Lavellan instantly started feeling her face turn hot, but not from the fever that could choke her at anytime if it seemed fit to return.

Those were her stories. Her personal feelings. Her personal encounters…. and she wanted them to be told truthfully, to the fucking _‘T’_. However, as she looked at Sera, who had started to cringe a bit from her reaction, she let another deep breath let loose from her nose, like a dragon breathing fire.

“And what, _exactly_ , is this ingenious fucking plan they fucking have, _Rex_.” She was really trying not to get too angry.

“Well, the first four chapters were out n’about how it normally was, y’know... but Butter-Bits had the idea that instead of trying to flush Baldy-Bitch out by what you were doin', that only certain chapters should be released in only certain regions. Chapter six in Orlais. Chapter seven in some other freaky ass place, and so on. So like, y’know how slow it takes people to re-print the pieces you wrote.” Sera took a few breaths before continuing, “...not to mention Leli has been putting on a great show by banning the printing ov'yer belly-bumpin’ by other printers," Sera put a finger to her temple and waggled her pinkie, "The Divine ‘ _most holy...’_ ", Sera mocked Cassandra’s accent, then continued without a moment to spare, “...Though not really, just a few printers in a nice 'lil jail cell for a few days to scare the shite outta ‘em to get ‘em to stop, which many, many have…-”

Lavellan listened to Sera continue to recite what the plan was, but began to tune her out even though she was still listening to her blonde friend. 

Her anger ebbed and she instantly interrupted Sera, “-...Liliana wants me to contact Solas, in the fade, which could take many tries, not to mention many meetings with him if he decides to accept, and coax out of him which chapters he has read and see which parts are not true that Varric has added himself, to use as a way to pinpoint a location where Solas may be.”

Sera looked stunned. 

The blonde elf’s eyes widened and then suddenly slapped her knee, “Damn! Thanks for that, now I can stop blaahh blaahh blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ing!”

Lavellan smiled and then began twisting her hair in her hands, looking out the balcony window. It was like the clouds stopped moving and all she could see was a foreboding storm looming on the horizon.

“I don’t want to do this,” she started, feeling her guts turn to iron, “but it is...well, it is quite a smart tactic. I am assuming you were all sent here to keep an eye on the proceedings? On me?”

“That, and also provide you witha a key to Varric’s changes,” Sera pulled out a yellowing envelope which the archer tossed over across the bed.

Lavellan took the envelope and looked at Varric’s wax seal that held the envelope together.

“No one knows what is in there, only Varric, and you. Not me, not Cole, not Gibberty Joe, and not Liliana.”

“Who is Gibberty Joe?”

“Some dumb fuck Leli sent,” Sera snickered, “He won’t shut it, so I taught Krem to keep pourin’ boozey drinks in his cup so he passes out before anyone else.” Sera looked away for a moment, then continued, “‘gotta hand it to him, dumb-nut can hold his liquor. He’s ok.”

A deeper pause ensued, and Lavellan shifted in her bed, still holding onto Varric’s key.

“Why you get sick anyway, you nut!?” Sera broke the silence, patting a sharp rhythm on her thighs with her hands.

Lavellan cleared away some remaining phlegm from the back of her throat, “I had to bury a horse. It might have been all the blasting of the ground I had been doing, trying to bury it. It was very cold that day and I might have breathed something in. I don’t know, really.”

“Y'know we wondered what that big heap of stink was behind the stables,” Sera replied, “You did a shite job.”

“I did what I could…” Lavellan trailed off, quickly thinking if she should tell her friend what she had done to parts of the horse. Then decided to tell her anyway, “ I actually made some jerky from it. Should be done in a few more weeks--”

“--WHUUUTTT!!!?” Sera stood, shrieking, and Lavellan could see an appalled contortion on her friend’s face, “You…you... WHUUTT!? _The fucks wrong with you_!?”

It was Lavellan’s turn to roll her eyes, “It’s fine. I know what I’m doing. Besides, you don’t have to eat it. It’s for me, and well, I guess anyone who wants to try it. You all will still be here...depending if things go well with Solas.”

Sera stood and walked back to the balcony window. “I think you were too soft on the fucker. Not the horse, I mean on Baldy...should‘ave broke his neck when you had the chance doin’ all the adult nap-time you guys did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Faert = is Fart. It is a thing my family says in our best Scottish accents. I thought to add it in because it basically sounds like something Sera would say.
> 
> Sera was hard to write. I am sorry if the dialogue I wrote for her was awkward. I tried my best. Bah!


	6. Judgement

She had entered the fade a zillion times since Solas left her without the arm the anchor had been buried into. She remembered the way he walked away from her, looking over his shoulder, his face softly twisted in hurt. 

But, well, he couldn’t be all that torn since he left her... _again,_ could he?

After that, the fade for her was sullen. It was truly hard to obtain any happier memories to be pushed into her dreams. She swore she felt several times his presence, but it had always been when she entered the fade when feeling optimistic. 

Or at least, fairly optimistic. Which had been rarer still. But Solas would never come.

Lavellan gave herself a few more days of rest and recuperation before she informed Sera that she would try to contact her once-lover, or as Sera would say, _“Baldy-Fuck-Nut_ ”. During those days of rest, she really tried to prepare herself for the possibility that Solas would actually accept her call, accept her presence, accept her contact. Cole had wandered up a few times after her fever broke to give her comforting words, comforting thoughts, and comforting memories, yet even that didn’t really seem to ease her nerves.

She tried for a week. Seven days of undertaking the fade and wandering memories and dreams that she had lived through. She tried at first, to dream of him. She conjured up the sweet memories that were more intimate than anything she would dare to write in the pamphlets that she allowed the citizens of Thedas to read. Deep moments that were so cherished that it made her heart break even more each time she awoke. She barely had a heart to begin with now, so it felt after the first three days she might as well be Tranquil. Later, when she went out to greet her friends and guests staying in the tavern, they could tell the toll it was taking on her already.

They offered the wine that she had left them. She drank it, and she tried to forget for a while.

Which she did. 

Because the next few nights, the fourth, fifth, and sixth to be exact, she entered the fade in confusion. Each moment in her dreams flitted from one moment to the next, nothing making sense.

The seventh night she abstained from the wine, and kept to herself that day. She sat out on the balcony and drank tea. Tended to her ravens, and drank tea. Tended to her horses, and drank more tea. 

Tea, tea, tea, _fucking tea_. 

Solas had said that it was helpful. 

Obviously, he was full of shit because it was anything _but_ helpful. Because the seventh night, she barely slept. Thinking that she was on the verge of sleep, something startled her awake. The feeling of falling. The feeling of flying rather than falling, but falling still. Then whispers and thoughts of ghosts kept her on edge. Feeling presences in the dark. Being scared of the dark. Being scared of being scared.

By the time Lavellan did sleep, her mind was so tired that she didn’t enter the fade at all. She awoke on the seventh day exhausted, but unable to stay in bed to try to actually get rest. 

No tea today. Not on the eighth day. 

Instead, Lavellan was moody and agitated. She didn’t speak to anyone, save Sera. Sera gave her a bit of help in the kitchen around mid-day, as she wanted to make some sort of decent meal for the agents tenting-up in Skyhold. The horse jerky would be done soon, but not quite there... so that was a no go. Sera informed her that Krem and a few other agents were actually good at hunting and were out now searching for a large kill. 

Krem and company did not disappoint, as a few hours later Lavellan could hear boisterous singing in the distance that echoed louder and louder into Skyhold’s courtyard. A standard Fereldan hunting song that announced an incoming meal. 

***+***

The remains of a giant elk were laying in specific piles around a huge cooking fire the agents had built when they came into the confines of the castle. One pile was the elk’s skin, antlers and some bones. Another pile was currently being sliced up into strips for salted rations, the meat being more gamey than the rare parts that they would be eating soon. Lavellan was looking forward to continuing her tanning education with the elk skin. 

The sun was many hours away from hiding behind the Frostbacks, but Lavellan was feeling the pull of sleep already. The agents were getting warm in their drinks, and she sat next to Krem and Iron Bull to yak about anything new that they hadn't in the previous days. Krem told her some more tales, and she found herself laughing, almost on the ground, at most of them. It was so nice to be around a group of people again, around a fire, drinking and eating a camp repast. 

“So Old-Boss,” Bull began, “it’s ok if I call you Old-Boss, right?”

“I suppose,” Lavellan snorted with mirth, “it makes me feel majestic when you say it like that.”

“Majestic?” Iron Bull scratched his impressively large chin, lost in thought for only a very short moment before continuing. “Well...I just wanted to let you know that I am a very huge fan of your sex-stories. Will you sign my horn?”

“But of course, Bull. Would you like it carved in or…?”

“Carved in is fine, Krem! Go find something small and pointy!” Bull turned to Krem and pointed towards the Tavern.

“I got something pointy... but it’s not small,” Krem responded, drunk but quite capable of himself as he got up and dragged himself inside the Tavern. 

“PPPffffTTT!!,” Sera spluttered, making a lewd hand gesture, then drank from her cup.

Lavellan giggled. Actually, _giggled_. 

“So Old-Boss,” Bull began again, leaning forward into the fire, “Did Solas really slip you the old moisture and heat seeking venomous throbbing nug of love in the Chateau d'Onterre? That place was so fucking creepy. I couldn’t imagine pissing in that place, let alone bending anything over.”

The agents at the camp went silent, and Lavellan’s eyes widened so much she felt like her eyeballs were going to tumble out of their sockets. 

“Yep,” she responded a moment later and began to giggle again. Which in turn became contagious because by the time Krem came back everyone was giggling.

“What I miss?” Krem asked, looking pissed that he obviously missed something. "Tell me, now!"

“Nothin’,” Sera responded, trying not to spill the remaining of her drink as she laughed.

***+***

After carving _“One Nug - One Love_ ” into The Iron Bull’s horn, Lavellan bowed to her company and said her goodnites. She had work to do. 

That, and she was tired as fuck. She did have a few glasses of wine, but not enough to get sloppy. Just enough to make herself feel warm and a bit optimistic.

Walking briskly as she entered Skyhold, she curled the Druffalo skin long-coat around herself. It was lined with the warmest of Plaidweave. It was a thicker and denser material than she had been used to. Soft and fuzzy. She absolutely loved the pattern. 

The moment she was inside her quarters, she draped the coat over the chair at her desk and smoothed it out. The fur felt cold, but would soon feel warm as it acclimated to the heat in her room. She could smell the beautiful cold air clinging to it still as she slipped into her woolen night shift and fell into bed, falling asleep on her stomach, her right leg hitched up and a thick pillow cradled between her one and a half arms. 

When she felt the pull of the fade, it plopped her into a hazy mist of Skyhold. To be precise, it was the judgement of Movran the Under, the goat flinging chieftain. She saw herself on the throne, looking exactly as how she remembered: confused. 

As she remembered it, it was probably one of the longest judgments she ever undertook as Inquisitor, merely for the fact it was the strangest thing she ever heard in her life. The Dalish had many unique notions among them, but chucking a goat against the wall of an adversary was...insane.

And a bit funny, too.

When she heard that she was to judge this Avvar chieftain because he wanted it, it made her think deeply about the differences of the races in this world and how they would enact, she guessed, revenge. Revenge, for her, was mostly killing the person that had wronged you, as that was what she had grown up with. Yet Movran the Under simply wanted to make a statement by killing a few goats. It was true that the Avvar they had battled in the Fallow Mire met their deaths or were captured as prisoners, but that was in that moment. The moment of deep battle always meant death in some way. Quickly or slowly. 

She ultimately chose to arm and exile the man along with his clan. Which upset Movran. He wanted justice, but he understood that it was useless to further on any more assault against the Inquisition because the Inquisition had numbers, and he had goats. That and he truly didn’t seem to want _true_ revenge... she guessed he just wanted a _“Fuck you!”_.

However, she wasn't too sure that at any time it would come to bite her in the ass later on. Who knew, now, if things were different, if the Inquisition had not disbanded, she would meet Movran on the battlefield again at some point and cut her down. Trampled by goats... or, vise versa. But that would be a what-if, as she was currently doing everything in her power to keep her world, Movran’s world, alive. It was a hard judgement, because she knew the Avvar man would still be out there, at any time, maybe by chance, to take his revenge in full if he felt the need to deeply pursue it.

The goats were just a warning. 

She felt like she was Movran the Under. Under judgement, and just... _under_. 

The world she lives in doesn’t matter.

The world she lives in is under. 

Fen’Harel...Solas, was chucking goats at the entire world. 

Many moments went by as she watched the judgement, she paced back and forth, then felt not a chill, but a presence. It was strangely warm, heated, then disappeared. Lavellan turned around and saw nothing. Slowly turning back to watch the old scene of judgement, she noticed that everything was continuing on just as it had.

Well, minus the part where Solas was now sitting on the throne, looking directly at her with a calm and collected expression.

She took a deep intake of air, and felt her face flush hot; not from any sort of sexual need at the sight of him, but from the sudden appearance of him. She could almost feel her blood boil, rushing into her ears and the sides of her throat throbbed, squeezing her airway. 

“Ellana, hello,” Solas said just loud enough for her to hear as the scene of the judgement ebbed away into nothing.

She couldn’t get a word out. The fade transformed into a greyish green haze, the ground beneath her feet turned to beautiful tiny oval pebbles, and she began to feel a cool mist dotting her exposed skin. She was wearing her night shift still. 

She looked up from her bare feet and back in the direction where Solas had been. He was still sitting on her throne, but there was a duplicate throne at least twelve feet away. Obviously she was to sit in it. It faced him. He wanted to talk. She had gotten his attention. That is what she wanted, was it not?

As she walked closer to the throne, the scene focused into a very familiar scene: 

It was the Storm Coast. Particularly the shoreline where they had fought a giant. She remembered it being the very first time she came to terms with her feelings for him. He was such an amazing spellcaster, always knowing when to cast and to defend. After the giant was felled, she, Solas, Iron Bull and Varric took a long rest on the shore before making it back to the closest Inquisition camp. 

She remembered Solas’ face. His skin was pale with the balmy coolness of the climate, yet his cheeks were bright pink from the exertion of the battle. His eyelashes were wet and clumped together. His eyes seemed to turn into a light shade of grey, mimicking the body of water nearby. He puffed air out, trying to get his heartbeat back to a normal rhythm, and she remembered watching the steam floating away from his full, rich lips. 

He was truly fucking gorgeous. How she so wanted him right there. She just wanted him to be hers. She wanted to be able to go to him, and bury her face into his chest and feel the heat of his body…

Lavellan heard a sound. It was Solas, he had shifted his position on the throne. 

Solas looked away from her and focused his gaze on the harsh waves of the coast. From what she could see, his eyes were narrowed in a way that denoted deep thought, but a struggling of thoughts.

She did not take her eyes off him the entire time as she got comfortable on her own throne, and began to watch the coast as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting into the first meeting. This will be all of the next chapter (7), so Solas/Ellana Drammaahhh! 
> 
> This one took me a bit. I took a few days off as I had some things to get done. The next chapters will not come out as fast as I had once cranked them out. I am really trying to take more time to polish everything as best to my writing skills will allow. Derp. 
> 
> I am open to any critique, too. Any pointers or insight you have, I am down to listen!
> 
> Also, Plaidweave is amazing ;P


	7. Eight

Lavellan must have counted eighty waves by the time she responded to Solas’ greeting. With a simple, _“hello”_ , she moved her gaze towards him and noted his uncomplicated attire: a very dark blue woolen sweater that almost touched his knees. A white belt made of fabric tied firmly around his waist. Black leggings that were a little bit wrinkled just above his ankles. The black foot wraps causing those wrinkles as they met just under the protruding bones. It was quite different, the foot wraps especially. She had been used to seeing them wrapped all the way up his calves. He, of course, still wore the wolf-jaw necklace, but she noticed that he also had several small gold hoops on both ears. And by several, she counted at least four on each blade. 

“Pffppttt…” she couldn’t help herself, letting out the little snort of amusement. 

Solas turned to look at her, an eyebrow raised, “You say hello back, then laugh at me, Ella?”

“I’m sorry. It’s nothing,” she lied. She took a quick beat, thinking of what to say next before he could actually start a conversation. “Um...are you here on purpose, or…?”

Solas shifted on the throne sitting squarely; both feet on the ground, arms on the rests. “I have been feeling you very much lately, in the fade. I was not sure if you were merely dreaming about me, or wishing to speak to me...but since it has been this way every night for many nights, and never since our last...meeting, I thought I would see how you are.”

It was true. Since their last meeting when he took her arm, surrounded by Qunari statues that had been living not too long before, she tried not to dream about him. When she caught herself doing so, she either forced herself to wake, or pushed through onto some other thing to dwell on in her dreams. Only three or four times since then had she felt what she thought could have been him, but she wasn’t too sure. She didn’t want it to be...even though she _desperately_ wanted it to be. She had finally hardened her heart the moment he stepped through that damn eluvian and out of her life.

Which she thought to be actually permanent. Until now.

“Oh. So you have the time to come see the woman you had claimed to love, when she’s thinking of you, _finallllyyyyyyy_ , but you can’t stop being a fucking world destroyer either?”

“Had?” Solas frowned. “ _Had_ is not the word I would use. You know how I feel about you, but you also know how it is between us now because of my course. But I am not here to debate. You can’t see past-”

“-just don’t. You’re not here to debate, remember?” she cut him off. She crossed her ankles and folded her arms against her chest, glowering. “I wasn’t thinking of you at all, by the way. I was happily watching goats being thrown at my castle when you decided to show up in your frilly frock.”

“ _My_ castle, Vehnan.” Solas stated pleasantly, then stood up from the throne and taking several steps closer to her. “I know you still live there. How has the winter been treating you?”

Oh. _His_ castle. Ok. 

“Very well, thank you. It’s not your castle anymore. I am Skyhold’s official squatter, and I have declared it to be mine. If you want it back, you will have to fight me for it.”

“Official squatter,” Solas repeated her words in a murmur, then chuckled softly. “Well, by that official declaration, you are deemed the official owner, Ella.”

Solas turned away from her then to go back to gazing out at the coast, she supposed. She, at that point, decided to unfurl her arms and demeanor then, and stood. She watched the waves crashing, too. Little by little, she took a few steps closer to the Dread Wolf until she was just near his right side. She looked at the hoops adorning his ears again, swaying left-to-right to make sure, then stilled herself. She stared at the back of his right ear jutting straight back towards her, the blade long and tinted a bit pink at the tip. She wanted to touch it. 

“Are those earrings real? Or did you just want to put them on in here to look like a wicked tit or something?”

Solas put his hands behind his back with a gentle sigh. Lavellan looked down at his clasped, pale hands.

“They are indeed real, Ellana.” Solas walked a bit forward, and she matched his steps. “Eight is a very special number for me currently. Though it will soon be nine by the new year.”

“Eight, huh.” Lavellan replied. She was about to continue on with something else snarky about his hoops, but the realization suddenly hit her. Eight. It has been eight years since they first met. 

She will play dumb for now.

“Nine soon, hrmm...you know," Lavellan began, ”I hear that eight out of nine Evanuris are twats, but there is always that one chance they all are. Seems kinda stupid there isn’t an even ten, at least my joke would make more sense.”

“I know what you are doing, Ellana,” Solas ignored her tiny jest, then faced her. “The authorship you have been doing. It’s not going to work. Yes, my agents are, as I understand, acquainted with your written word as well. But they also realize that it is a tactic. It hasn’t seized their spirits in any way. They know the path, and they will not falter in aide. What you are doing is only exposing yourself. Making a mockery of the time we shared.”

“No shit, it’s exposing myself,” Lavellan replied quite loudly, pointing at herself, then at him, “But it is also exposing _you!_ And it’s anything but a mockery! It’s a damned beautiful symphony. How ever else was I supposed to get your attention?”

“It’s exposing me to some questions and _attention_ from some. Those are memories that I wish to remain _mine_ , and not my followers or agents. Nothing said to me, but I hear whispers now, thanks to your pen.”

“Oh!” Lavellan bobbed her head to the side, putting her right and ‘only hand’ on her hip, “ _Your_ memories. I wonder, what my memories are? I mean you let me tie you up to that rock pillar near Glenmorgan Mine. Remember that? Do you now have pretty little elves thinking about you all tied up and--”

“-- No!” Solas seemed to be doing his best to keep his temper at bay, but she wasn’t fooled. “The astrarium is not the point-”

“It is the point!” She screamed at him suddenly, cutting him off as quickly as she could, then toned down just as fast, “you woke up from your fucking nap, boo-hooed about the damn world being fucked up, gave your orb to a completely insane whatever-the-hell he was, fell in love with me and my glowing hand, fucked me, ditched me, claim to still love me as you took my fucking arm, then ditched me again after I tried telling you there can be a different way! You are a fucking stubborn nug-fucker and it drives me nuts that I still fucking love you! It’s exposing the fact that you could have been happy just the way things were! This is it! This is what the world is like, and just because you’re not happy with it, doesn’t mean you can fuck everything up again! The elves were fucked back then, why are you not surprised it’s the same!? What we need is a real revolution, not a ‘well, let’s just kill all these people and wipe the slate clean!’ There has to be a better way to do this, Solas. There just has to be a better fucking way. And you just don’t want to because you’re a big fucking-”

Before she could get out the next bit, she watched as Solas’ eyes squinted and the inside of his eyebrows dragged downwards. He disappeared before her. She had an inkling it wasn’t because she was yelling at him like a lunatic (which she was currently feeling like one). It was something else that had awoken him. He, in that last moment, looked startled and worried all at once. 

***+***

All Lavellan could think about when she awoke, was wanting to thread small but strong fine chains through the hoops in his ears and drag...no... _pull_ him between her. 

But she also had something that needed immediate attention. Lavellan slid out of bed quickly and went to her desk and sat. The druffalo long-coat was warm against her back. She slid open the bottom drawer, and opened the secret compartment in the back. Taking out Varric’s Key, she began to read down the columns with her index finger to double check what she already knew, as she had basically memorized the key over the past few days when she had the chance, yet wanted to make absolutely sure. 

**_crstwd-gmine-astrariumrockpillar_ **

She was grinning from ear to ear. She really wasn’t expecting to get this right on the first try, but this was truly a fucking miracle.

Lavellan returned the key to the secret drawer and penned a quick note that simply said, “Rock Pillar”. She threw on her coat, ran to the rookery, and attached the simple note to her best and healthiest Raven, sending it straight on it’s way to Varric, who in turn would send word to The Divine.

After watching the bird disappear into the night, Lavellan walked to the center of the rookery, leaned over the banister and stared down into the rotunda at a dusty old desk covered with dusty old books, and dusty old frescos.

“Got you," she whispered to herself.


	8. Thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana, my dear Ellana...whip out your strip. You _kinky_ thing.

##  **The Dread Wolf’s Hands**

##### True romantic accounts by the Former Inquisitor, Ellana Lavellan.

**Chapter Eight - Your Bound Hands, My Bound Heart**

Crestwood’s veil rifts were fearsome. My companions and I spent many weeks in the area closing them, only having to heal the wounds they inflicted on our bodies. I had to send Sera back to the main camp after a very nasty altercation with a Rage demon that tried ripping her legs from her torso. Fen’Harel gave as much healing to her wounds that he could. I could tell the toll it was taking on him as I knelt at Sera's side. Holding her head in my lap, I talked to her, keeping her awake through the pain. As my lover concentrated so hard on the Red Jenny - on healing the gashes and deep punctures that plummeted into the bones of her legs - he became taxed, exhaustion setting in even after drinking the limit of lyrium that one could take. It was still too much, and Sera would need to recover with proper rest and attention. 

As Sera left in a small wagon to be taken to the North Gate camp, where the Inquisition was equipped with many rotating healers, she waved at me, then turned her hand, palm facing herself, and extended her middle finger as a goodbye. 

I snorted with a quiet laugh at the archer’s levity. She would be ok. 

After the wagon disappeared over a slight hill only several moments later, I turned to finish work at the camp; reports to quickly write up, talking with Inquisition soldiers about their well-being, tallying up materials that were mined or found to be turned into requisitions. 

The day was done many hours later. However, as the deep dusk began making its way into the western horizon, I wanted to go back to the mine near our current camp to take another stab at one of the many curious Astrariums we have come across the lands. I was not tired yet, anyway. 

I grabbed one of the few cloaks I had packed for Crestwood, a waterskin and my sword. I made my way towards Dorian, who was sitting on a log, etching dirt out of nooks and crannies of his staff with a needle like tool, to inform him that I would be taking a hike back to Glenmorgan Mine to use the Astrarium. I needed to get away for a while.

“Oh, I did see a certain hobo walk that way not too long ago,” Dorian twirled the left end of his moustache, putting his staff down. “Are you sure you’re not going that way for something else?”

“Shhh!” I hushed the Tevinter, taking glances back towards the main camp. I _was_ curious to know where Fen'Harel was, but then again, he usually always slinked off somewhere when I was busy at camp. He had told me long ago that when there was a moment of rest, he would go seeking any ruins nearby, pick herbs, or just wander.

“I simply don’t know, Dorian. But just in case if I cross his path, I will inform him that you are concerned for his ‘ _hobo_ ’ wellbeing.”

Dorian belted out a laugh, causing several soldiers close by to look over. Dorian got up and wrapped his arm around my back, and ushered me to walk with him. 

“Why so secret about your relationship with him still, Ellana?” Dorian asked, quiet in his tone. “Everyone knows. Well, at least mostly everyone. If you love him, and he the same for you, why hide it? Why be shy? You are so bold...in your...Dalish ways. You literally do not give any fucks!”

“Because.“ I replied. Suddenly I really didn’t feel like talking about my feelings of The Dread Wolf with anybody, not even Dorian whom I could talk to about most things, but not everything. I had a feeling he already knew the answer anyway. He just wanted me to say it out loud.

Dorian got the message, sighed dramatically, then squeezed my waist as a gesture of understanding. “I will be expecting you back by the second-watch then…” he let me go, and stepped away. “That’s my watch! So best get a move on then, little dove.”

“I’m _not_ a little dove.” I stuck my tongue out at him and blew one of Sera’s favorite sounds in his direction. “And I really want to figure out that Astrarium. But who knows, he probably is there doing the same thing.”

“Oh, more than likely, “ Dorian walked backwards away from her, holding his hands up and wiggling his fingers, “That’s why I said I will see you by the second watch. Just make sure when you come back your shirt is tucked in this time.” 

And with that, Dorian turned and made his way back to camp.

=~=~=~=

By the time I reached the area the Astrarium was located, the sky was pitch-black, save for the stars twinkling loudly up above. No one was at the Astrarium, so Fen’ Harel must have already decoded it and was on the return. 

We must have just missed each other.

I set a few wards; nothing too strenuous to upkeep as I did not know how long it would take to complete the puzzle, and the mine was already cleared of any possible enemies. 

At least, I hoped.

I stood next to the Astrarium and surveyed my surroundings. The strong reverberation of frogs and crickets were flooding into my ears as the night’s thematic melody. I closed my eyes and listened. It was cool, and my light cloak would suffice for warmth. The breeze was subtle and gently flowed the smell of what I thought was salt, moss, and rotting wood, around me. It smelled like home. Like clan Lavellan. This made me inhale and exhale deeply. It almost felt as though I was only a minute away from my clan’s 'Land-Ships'. 

At my last exhale I tugged my cloak tighter around my neck, and bent into the Astrarium.

And now that I did not feel rushed, with no one around me grumbling about the stupidity of these objects, I was able to solve this Astrarium within only several long, albiet, tiresome tries. 

“Ah-ha!” I let out quietly in my triumph. I then felt arms wrap under my rib cage, familiar hands pressing just below my navel. 

I did not feel any tug of my wards going off, but I also was not alarmed as I knew who it was.

“Took you long enough, Venhan...”

I rolled my eyes in secret and leaned into Fen’ Harel. “Well, I do have duties to perform. I can’t just leave the camp whenever I want to prance around the area.”

“ _Prance_?” Fen' Harel replied with a smile that I knew he had on his beautiful face.

“Yes, prance.” I covered my hands over his as he began sliding them further down, undoubtedly creating a ‘V’ shape into the recesses of my upper thighs. “So how long did it take you? And what do you think of the constellation? Kios? I remember reading about it, and how it might be tied to Zazikel.”

Fen’ Harel removed himself from me then, his left hand tracing a trail down my right side and finally a hushed sound of flesh against the wool of his cloak as his arm fell to his side. He stepped away and stood to look into the night’s sky. He seemed a little pensive. “I will say, you figured it out quicker than I.”

“And?” I still stood at the Astrarium, waiting for a real answer.

“I never figured it out. I was waiting for you.”

I grinned and stared at the Dread Wolf.

“Oh?” I stated, my inflection drawn out. “Would you like me to walk you through this endeavor?”

The Dread Wolf bowed before me when he turned back around. “If you can show me the way? I mean, I am quite at odds with this scry.”

I stood back and held my arm out to welcome him to the Astrarium. He took gentle steps up to where I had been standing for just under an hour, and he bent his face into the contraption’s eye-sights.

I watched as he fiddled for a few moments with the levers and buttons. 

“So where do we begin, Ellana?” His voice was so earnest. So exquisite. So 'humming' and 'penetrating'. Inquiring? I had a distinct feeling that he meant something else. I was not sure if he was really interested in the Astrarium or not. 

I came up behind him, my lower abdomen pressed against his backside, and I maneuvered my fingers to grip at his wrists. “I think you are playing dumb.”

“I’m not playing dumb.”

“It’s easy, once you just focus.”

“It’s hard to focus with you near.”

“I’ll step away for a moment then.”

And I did. I stepped away. 

But not too far. 

I focused on the frogs and crickets’ song. Fishing within the dark blue cloak’s pockets I wore, I grasped for anything to fidget with while I waited for my love to finish his quest. I soon felt something soft that I realized I had forgotten about for quite some time as I had not worn this particular cloak in ages.

I pulled out a long white strip of chiffon fabric that I had found to be very pretty, buying it from a merchant in Orlais last time I had gone. I supposed it was meant to be used for hats, or some sort of detailing.

But I didn’t care what it was meant for. I loved the feel of it. It was delicate and sturdy, all in one. I had often found myself holding the fabric and running it across my lips, the sensation tickling in a way that heightened my train of thought when in my chambers, alone, and formulating ideas for the next day.

I ran the fabric between my fingers while I watched Fen’ Harel. At once I had an idea, and I wondered if what I was about to do would be welcoming.

I looked at the fabric once more, and taking both ends, I gave it a 'snap' to see how strong it was. Quite strong. Fen'Harel was strong. I gazed at the Wolf once more; his eyes still focused into the Astrarium, his spine sloped down at an angle where his backside was jutted outwards. He was really concentrating. Clicks and sliding sounds came from the apparatus that he was operating. He was completely engrossed. Then…

”A-ha! Got it El-”

I came up behind him, my feet carrying me with insane haste, my hands moving as fast as the waves of the Storm Coast, and I began lashing his wrists to the Astrarium. 

“What…what are... _are_... you doing?” The Dread Wolf’s tone was confused, slightly miffed, yet conscious. “Ellana?”

“I thought you said you weren’t playing dumb,” I said slyly. After tying the strip of fabric tight enough around his wrists, my statement true as he did not put up much of a fight, I crawled between his legs and pushed myself up to his face, my hands thrust into the deep pockets of his own cloak.

Fen’ Harel’s face was so close to mine. Our eyes were merely an inch apart. I could hear his heavy breathing as it pelted against my face. My face and neck became heated.

Our mouths met instantaneously. Our lips were dry from the chill air, but it did not take long for them to moisten. I held his hips from the inside of his cloak’s pockets. I could feel the bones of his jutting hips. I pressed my thumbs into the soft flesh beneath and began to inch my touch below.

Fen’Harel sucked in a breath, then hissed lightly. 

I looked at him. Our gazes bored into each other as I began rubbing him very gently with my right hand while the other sneaked it’s way inside his cloak, under his shirt to a nipple that I pinched with tenderness. 

There was an intense sparkle in his eyes as he narrowed them. 

A chill coiled down my spine then made its way back up to rest just under my ears.

Fen'Harel’s cheeks were suddenly flushed a beautiful shade of pink, and when he leaned in to begin kissing me again, I wrapped my hand completely around him, my fluid gestures impeccably slow.

The sensation of his cock growing in my grip made me quicken my movements with. Small gasps escaped his lips, I could see his eyes trying to stay open but they closed here and there, his mouth parted and snarling, his nose flaring and scrunched. Droplets of sweat already began to form upon his brow.

“Let me go,” He rasped, panting. His posture drooped with each stroke I gave him.

“Why?” I questioned, my own breath becoming quicker just as my hand’s movements.

“I…”

He could not finish what he was going to say. Instead, he lifted himself up and pushed me hard into the Astrarium, my back pressed so suddenly into the apparatus that I could feel sharp pain where the levers were. I would definitely have bruises the next day. 

The Dread Wolf thrust his tongue into my mouth then, and I released my grip on him. We savored each other’s tongues for many moments, until I tilted my head aside. 

I shoved him back, the restraints making him jerk forward as he could not go any further backwards. I let my cloak fall, the chill air sent my skin crawling, yet I continued to give into my desire for him. I undid my leather guards and let them fall to my ankles, my sword falling with them. I slipped off one boot to free my right leg completely, and I then untied Fen’ Harel’s breeches. His cock was pointing straight at me. I leaned back into the Astrarium, hitching my free leg up and I deeply gazed into his eyes.

They were crazed, glassed over, dark. Both his, and mine.

It did not even take a second for The Dread Wolf to lean close. I grabbed and guided him into me. He pressed forward so hard that my back beautifully ached, the levers of the Astrarium digging into my skin once again. It hurt, but it was a good hurt. 

With my hips tilted forward, Fen’ Harel pressed into me, with haste. I groaned deeply into his ear as he buried his face into my neck. His hot breath easing the chilling air. His guttural groans and cries beautifully added to the frogs and crickets surrounding us in their oblivious song. 

His movements were intense. So quick were his hips pushing into mine that it was over with just as quickly as it had begun. After he cried as quietly as he could into my neck, the sound he made, making me close my eyes, sending a shudder through me, he pulled himself out and leaned close. I felt his spirit slowly running down my inner thighs at a tortoise’s pace. 

We stayed like that for a moment, but it was beginning to get colder out and I shivered against him. 

Fen’ Harel licked his lips and began to lower himself down. I knew what he meant to do, but I quickly dragged myself out from him and pulled my guards back up, fixed my sword in the hilt as it had partially come free, and tied my boot back on. 

“We really should get back,” I said, feeling my face glow. I did not find my own release, but I wanted to hold it off for the next few days at least. 

“Venahn, you are truly a cunning force to be reckoned with,” Fen’Harel panted out. “Will you please untie me?”

I stood for a moment as I watched him tug on his bonds. 

I untied him. He fixed his breeches up, and pulled his green cloak tighter around himself.

All the way back to camp, where it would probably be at the tail end of the first watch, we hiked back, arms curled behind each other’s back for added warmth and remarked how bright the stars were tonight. 

***+***

Lavellan, of course, had the original copies of her writings. She remembered that night very well, because it was the first time she had lashed him. He did not mind it as their time together continued. He never asked for it either, but when it did happen, he did seem to get a little bit more excited about it. 

Until he finally _did_ begin to ask for it.

Several weeks had passed after sending her best raven off to Kirkwall to find Varric. The bird would undoubtedly be recuperating from his far journey, and she knew Varric would take care of him, until he would come back to Skyhold. It was more of waiting to hear back from Leliana that was making her antsy. 

Sera and the gang were still on the premises, but they had broken up into two smaller parties. One lead by Iron Bull, along with Cole and three others, had orders to march a bit north. She did not ask why, as the less she knew the less the mission would be compromised. Sera, Krem, and the other scouts remained here. Sera approved of the horse jerky, surprisingly.

However, two things really bothered Lavellan since her encounter with Solas in the fade. One, was that he did not contact her again. She wasn’t really expecting him to, but it was obvious that something had happened to wake him, and she was sort of hopeful that he would return at some point in the fade to explain why. Even though he seemed to be really regulating himself when she began shouting at him, he became quickly confused and distant and then he was just fucking _gone_. She was worried. Even knowing what he was trying to do with the veil, even with knowing he would try to burn the world, she was genuinely worried about him. She still loved him, with absolutely everything she had left to her person. 

The second thing, was that she had scoured all of Skyhold for her piece of white chiffon. She distinctly remembered it being rolled and kept among her personal belongings she kept at _her_ castle. Precisely, in that particular dark blue cloak’s pocket, in a trunk, in the old War Room. She had many cloaks, but only one that was dark blue.

She never would forget, as she had the mind of a hawk’s razor sharp talon. 

The cloak had been in the trunk, yet as she knelt by the trunk, lifting the cloak out and pulling the pockets out, the strip of cloth was not within. She looked through all of her cloaks just to double check. 

Maybe she didn’t have the sharp mind that she thought she once had. It had been many years since the cloth was last used. 

She tore through her quarters. It was the only other place it would have been, but it was fruitless. It was gone. 

Then she remembered the encounter with Solas in the Fade. His white fabric belt.

Then she remembered the strange presence she kept feeling before the arrival of _Rex Higgins_ and friends....

“Oh…” Lavellan began, her nose wrinkled in ire. “...you little… _fucking thief_!” 

She bellowed curses that echoed.

If it was one thing she hated, it was being duped. Stolen from. Just like the first time she killed that bandit trying to steal a halla from her clan. She had run the bandit through with her sword.

Solas had been here. Within Skyhold. She never thought that he would risk it, but then again, he risked meeting her in the fade. And it wouldn't have been so if she never wrote a damn thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a bit to write this one. 
> 
> I do not often write to music, but for this chapter, I did. On repeat. For many fucking hours. 
> 
> Benny Smiles - When We Touch.
> 
> As of now, this is still on track to be 10 chapters.
> 
> I hope everyone is enjoying it. :)


	9. Funk-Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Funky-Hole is to Solas' armored thighs, as the Funk-Hole is to Dorian's cooking.

The moment Lavellan heard the sweet sounds of bird-song echoing through Skyhold, she knew it was time for her to leave for a while. It was finally spring, or, _mud season_ , as she liked to call it.

She had been meaning to visit Varric, not only to deliver new works, but Leliana informed her that as soon as she was able to travel (this winter had been particularly harsh), she would be posted to Kirkwall. Varric was the middle man, after all, and this meant that he had some information that was far too sensitive to entrust to a messenger bird. 

Or a messenger of any sort for that matter. 

She heard nothing from Varric or Leliana about the implementation of Varric’s key, the note she had sent to the Dwarf so long ago. Her best raven returned many weeks later, nothing attached to his leg. She assumed that it either didn’t work, or they did not find anything. No base, no signs of Solas or his followers. The operation must have been a bust. She knew it was a long shot, that it would not be easy, but she really had hopes for it to succeed. 

Lavellan sent her ravens off with instructions for them to fly to Varric. They would arrive at least several days before her, which would signal her impending arrival. She prepped the horses, gathered up all the rations, water, clothing and armor, anything else that she might need, and set off in the wagon.

The other scouts had gone back many weeks ago, and she still had no idea where Bull and Cole were, so she surmised they were still engaged with what they had been tasked to do. However, Sera and Krem remained to travel with her, taking turns riding the single horse not attached to the wagon, or riding on the wagon. 

The trek to Crestwood was atrocious. It was, indeed, mud-season. It was still cold. Wet. Muddy. Windy as fuck. Slow. The only thing that kept her sanity by the time they saw Crestwood on the horizon were the ramblings of Krem. More stories of drinking and one night stands. 

Camping inside the covered wagon had been nice for the most part. Even the cuddling-up next to each other for warmth. Listening to Sera’s snores, though, kept her from getting the fullest amount of sleep. It really reminded her of how far displaced she was from the Dalish, because sleeping with her clan, snores abound, never used to bother her before. It had been normal back then. Now, it was just upsetting to think about how she would never sleep in an araval again. Sera and Krem were her clan now, for at least a short while.

As they trekked to the last half mile before entering Crestwood, Lavellan could sense the horses’ exhaustion, but she knew they would be fine as soon as they boarded a ship at the north end of town to set sail for Kirkwall. The boat ride would give them _all_ a little over half a day's rest on the tail end of the journey.

***+***

Varric greeted her several hours after she, Sera and Krem arrived at his home. It was the end of the work day, and Varric seemed quite bushed from it. 

Sera and Krem said their hellos, then quick goodbyes. They were going to stay at one of the Taverns nearby instead at the viscount’s residence. Lavellan was already freshened up, even though she was quite bushed too, but Varric stated that they needed to talk as soon as he grabbed something to eat and wash up himself. 

Lavellan nodded, and waited in the same leather chair last time she had to wait for Varric. To fight the encroaching fatigue after waiting at least fifteen or so minutes, she decided to pour herself a small brandy to nurse on.

“Oh, put that crap down, I have better stuff in the _Funky-Hole_!”

The sudden sound of Varric’s voice jilted her out of her solitude, making her heart almost leap out of her mouth. It didn’t, but unfortunately, she spilled most of the “crap” over the lower part of her face and onto her shirt. Brandy dribbled down her chin and she set the glass down and wiped it off on her sleeve.

“Maker’s balls, Varric!” Lavellan cried.

“Still got it,” Varric stood in front of her, grinning. “I am still a fuckin’ bad ass rogue, you know. Um...sorry about that, Ellana.”

“I’ll let it slide for now,” Lavellan closed her eyes and willed her heart to return to its normal pace.

After a few moments, Varric motioned for her to follow him, where he led her down to the basement of his house. It was one of those lovely finished basements, equipped with a card table, at least a dozen chairs, another full bar, and all the beautiful mahogany trim and moulding one could want. It was homey, comfortable- truly a bachelor’s dream. 

“So this is the _Funky-Hole_ , huh?” Lavellan gazed around the room and plopped down at the bar’s end. 

Varric went behind and took two small glass tumblers down and poured a very interesting substance halfway into each. “Yep, this is the Funky-Hole all right.” 

The liquid Varric poured was clear, yet had tiny specks swishing around in a vortex.

“Is that… _gold_?” Lavellan questioned her ally as he slid a tumbler in her direction. “What _is_ this?”

“Sure is,” Varric took a sip, and she noted several of the flakes entering his mouth. “This is a very new thing a friend of mine came up with. Bodahn? Ever heard of him?”

“No…” Lavellan took a sip. It was wonderful. A hint of cinnamon. Very smooth. If any flakes went down her throat, she did not notice. “Very nice. Very good.”

“Well, you might meet him sooner or later, or at least his son.” Varric took another sip of the liqueur. “Anyone recognize you on your way in, Glum-Chum?”

“No.”

_And no one did recognize her. She was absolutely certain. When in Crestwood and then Kirkwall, and all the way up to the Dwarf’s home, she kept her hood up and a thick white scarf bound around her face. She avoided talking to anyone, leaving all the talking to Sera and Krem. She had lightened her hair as much as she could using a very detailed instructed technique Leliana had sent her a few months ago. It had lightened her deep steel grey hair to a light brassy red almost on the verge of being blonde. She quite liked the new color, and considered on maintaining it for a period. She also kept her hair in a thick braid where the tail-end continually tickled the nape of her neck. She kept her sides shaved, as always._

__

__

_The Divine also instructed her in creating a black stain mixture that she would use to recreate a vallaslin of her choosing._ _Her original vallaslin, long gone for many years from the handiwork of Solas, was that of Elgar’nan. She had chosen his mark to wear because she had felt a strong connection to the **'god'**. She received it almost right after she had killed the bandit that still haunted her dreams. Her first kill. When considering what to place on her face before journeying to Kirkwall, she couldn’t help but choose Elgar’nan’s again._

_Even though she knew what it meant._

_This time, she chose the version that was typically more prevalent among male Dalish when choosing the markings of Elgar’nan; where half of the face would be darkened in full. She remembered two and a half weeks ago drawing the very detailed lines and swirls on parchment, then filling in the entire side, and erasing the details into a negative. She drew the vallaslin because someone else was going to have to stain it upon her face. Strangely, Sera volunteered, actually doing a really good job. The archer took a few liberties however; after completing the initial 'fake-tattoo', Sera brought the solid color part of the design to well past her ear, and onto the whole shaved side of her head. It was also brought down to just below the collarbone, then was connected from behind her head, down to her shoulder and into her collarbone. It created a sort of half-circle along the upper part of her body. It would not be seen in full unless she was shirtless, and Lavellan was half wondering what Sera was even doing._

_**”OoooOOh-hooo! Sexxxx-eeee!” she remembered Sera saying after she had finished, then the archer stuck her tongue out and blew, “Boorrrrinnnnggg!”** _

“Good.” Varric refilled his tumbler, drank it straight down, then topped hers off. “Drink that quick, then come with me, I have something to show you.”

Lavellan did as she was asked, and let the gold flaked drink slide down her throat. She had a feeling he wanted her to be a little less on edge.

Varric led her to the south wall of the basement, behind the stairs, and the dwarf moved a large trunk backwards, the rug that it was sitting on moved along with it, crinkled as it was pushed away. Varric bent and looped a finger into a hole in the floor and lifted a hidden door that led down. She could see the top of a ladder.

“Now _this_ ,” Varric waggled his eyebrows, “is the _Funk-Hole_. Just give me a minute, I gotta get the candles lit. It’s dark, and well, you’ll see...or rather, smell.”

Lavellan peered down after Varric had made his descent, wondering what exactly he meant. Moments later, and slowly, she began to see light. It got brighter and brighter. Varric yelled up to let her know it was ok to come down, and she made her way into the hole in the floor.

She instantly understood why the dwarf called it the _Funk-Hole_ \-- it smelled quite badly. 

“What is that smell?” Lavellan asked quickly, repulsed. She could pick out a musty smell, but there was something else. Something that was just stagnant that clung to the floor of the room.

“Um...the main sewer line runs basically right next to this wall,” Varric pointed to his right. “There have been some problems for a long while.”

And problems there were; Lavellan could see varying patches lining the wall. New overlaying the very old. It looked to have been repaired at least a hundred times, but she could see the benefit of the room. It smelled so bad that it was probably one of the safest places to talk in secret within the city. Possibly the entire world.

“Please tell me that at some point you will just fill this in with rocks and seal it up forever.” Lavellan stated, trying to keep the contents of her stomach at bay. 

“That’s the plan,” Varric wrinkled his nose. “As soon as this Dread Wolf bullshit is done.”

Lavellan nodded and brought her cloak up to cover her nose, the smell overwhelming. She looked around the room, which was not entirely big, but spacey enough that at least ten people could comfortably stand. Far away from the patchworked wall, there was a small wooden table. The legs of the table were stained with black mildew halfway up. Something fuzzy grew on them. 

On the table itself, was a metal box. 

“So,” Lavellan began, her voice slightly muffled under her cloak, “Now that we are obviously alone as not even darkspawn would come down here, what is it that you have to show me? Talk to me about? What’s going on?”

Varric pulled a key out from the inside front of his leather trousers. She raised her eyebrow.

“Sorry, Ellana, gotta keep this shit safe.”

“Oh, I understand,” she snorted, then regretted it as the horrible smell of the room penetrated through her cloak and into her mouth. She coughed, dry-heaved, then calmed herself. She could feel her eyes wanting to water. 

Varric shrugged, sheepishly returning a little laugh, then opened the metal box. He waved her to come over.

Lavellan stood near enough to the table where she would not brush up against the gross fuzzy growths on the legs, and peered inside.

“Um…” Lavellan said quietly. “I know what these are, but what exactly…”

“Weird, right?” Varric stood back. “Don’t touch them.”

“Why is it...is that a dog and a cat collar? What is that rune? I’ve never seen one like that ever before...” 

“Well…” Varric began, closing the lid and locking the metal box up again, returning the key to its previous ‘safe-spot’. “How much do you like cats, Ellana? How much do you like crazy ideas?”

“Depends,” Lavellan replied, raising an eyebrow. “Do we have to talk about it down here though, or can we go back up where it doesn’t smell like six thousand people just ate Dorian’s cooking?”

“We may,” Varric said, already heading towards the ladder, “But you gotta blow out the candles.”

“Oh, _fuck you._ ”

***+***

Back out of the stench filled and appropriately named “Funk-Hole”, she followed Varric all the way up into his study. She watched as Varric once again pulled the key out of the front of his trousers and shuffled another rug out of the way from underneath his desk. A moment later, the Dwarf pulled out another metal box, unlocked it, and reaching in, pulled out... _nothing_?

His hand was outstretched towards her as if he was handing her something.

She made a confused face. “Uhh, Varric?”

“Ellana, you have magic, right?”

Oh.

Duh. 

Ellana waved her right hand over his, dispelling a simple cloaking spell that instantly revealed a thick sealed envelope with the Divine’s stamped crest.

“Here, take it,” Varric said quietly, then locked the box, leaving it on the table. 

Lavellan held the thick envelope, turning it over and back several times, then gazed across the desk to the rogue. 

“I got one of my own. I am sure that it says the same thing, but yours will probably be more in depth and customized to you. I burned mine after.” Varric stated. “You are to also burn yours immediately after you read it, understand it. Do not keep it or it may fall into the wrong hands. I got the fire nice and hot for you, there is plenty of kindling if you need more. When you are finished, come downstairs and let me know what you think.”

Lavellan nodded. 

Varric left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh.... my....ghhaaaaaahhhddd!!!
> 
> what ever is going to happen?
> 
> hrmm.
> 
> next chapter, which i am going to try to get up by tomorrow or the next, will be the end of this sort of..."prologue" 10 part. when i begin the next part of this story, i am thinking it will be at least 15-20 chapters, not 10 as i previously thought. 
> 
> I had a pretty good idea of what it was going to be/where it was going, but then as I was writing this, another idea popped into my head that completely tickled me and I just… I just really want to friggin write it. It brings a fucking smile to my face and I know I will have an absolute blast writing it, and that’s what matters, not trodding though something that could be so-so, but something that is fun. This new idea is going to be going into “wack” mode, and completely divulge from canon more than it already sort of has. I mean, I haven’t read Tevinter nights yet, so I won’t be mentioning anything from that unless I google some things... But I just want to go off on a whacky-ass spin. Something fun to read, but also it will have its serious parts that I hope will be satisfying, and a serious complete ending. 
> 
> I just really want to pump out chapter 10 so I can start writing this new saga/bit, because I'm just really excited about it.  
> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
>  Tee Hee.


	10. Unwanted Company of the Earth’s Enchantments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, I know that this was suppose to be 10 chapters, then move onto a next bit/new series part. However, I decided to keep it all as one fic and just extended chapters. I am shooting for 35 chapters all together now. Possibly 40.
> 
> Also, by the end of this, I know some people will stop reading because they might think it's going to go to a super weird place...but I can assure you, it is not. My dear Ellana is only on a secret mission that the only way is to well, be...what she will end up as by the end of this chapter. And it has to be her to do this mission, because if someone else did it, they would more than likely end up dead if something happened to be revealed. Ellana has a 99% chance of NOT getting killed, so it has to be her. The 'Varric's Key' plot is verrrrry far from over as well. The continuation of this fic will have more Solas' POV, and also Ellana's. It will be drama, but also serious & comedic that I think it will hold interest. The end, which I have already planned out, will be worth it. 
> 
> Obviously, it is very A.U.  
> Maker, take the wheel.

Ellana Lavellan threw the parchments into the fire after three read-throughs. The individual sheets laced with some sort of combustible substance, as a pungent fume flared from the paper upon opening the envelope. The instant the missive hit the flames, it was gone like a flash of lightning. Ash barely remained. Ellana took a second to contemplate the immense amount of knowledge that Leliana had within her mind, and how she had a solution for most everything. The ways to keep things hidden. At that thought, she drew her hand across her face where the fake vallaslin of Elgar-nan penetrated her skin. 

What the missive entailed, quite in detail, was bewildering. So much that she honestly tried her hardest to fathom the amount of thought that came into it.

It was insane. 

Weird.

Bizzare.

Genius.

It made the ‘Varric’s Key’ plot seem like child's play. 

Bending forward slightly in the chair, Ellana took a moment to really consider what she just read though, and her forehead slowly sank onto the desk. Would it really work? The process was intriguing. 

It had been such a long day. Only getting into Kirkwall this afternoon, it was quite dark now. Her head throbbed. The gold speckled liqueur that she had pounded down was really making itself known. She could still taste cinnamon on her lips. 

“Ugggghhhhhhh,” Ellana groaned out loud. “Why. _Why_ me?”

She got up and went downstairs.

Varric was almost half asleep in one of the cushy chairs by the hearth. Ellana noted the almost empty tumbler of “crap” brandy next to him on the side table when she came down from his study.

“Hey Glum-Chum,” Varric stirred, “You on board? Fuckin’ weird right?”

Ellana slapped his shoulder as she walked by and continued on towards the room he had prepared for her. “Yes. I am going to bed. My work begins now, right? See you in the morning.”

Varric saluted her, “See you tomorrow. Break a leg, eh?”

***+***

Ellana entered the fade feeling optimistic. 

She visualized herself barefaced and dark haired. With plain boring clothing on, she began to walk along the hallways of the Chateau d’Onterre. Up the stairs, she entered the upper ballroom. The large dragon hanging from the ceiling was almost level with her gaze as she stared into its preserved eyes. She bent over against the railing and peered down below. It took a moment, but dancing figures in masks, elegant gowns, stiff lapels, and all sorts of fine regalia and haberdashery took up with each other. Soft music floated upwards eerily. 

Using as much focus as she could muster, she pushed a wave of eagerness, infatuation, _want_ , and even desperation into the fade--but especially the feeling of optimism. She sent these emotions with a determination that she never dared to give before. Feelings such as these could attract unwanted company, but she had to try. With this push, she included thoughts of Solas--his beautiful face in her thoughts as a beacon of welcome. She didn’t want a repeat of what happened this past winter, with the long days of entering the fade with doubt, timidness and anxieties. She knew what she had to do, and she did it with a succession of complete devotion and purpose. She would get his attention tonight, because she wanted this done. _Now._

Ellana kept the pulses of these feelings at the forefront of her mind while she watched the dancing scene below. A couple in a dark corner caught her eye then; they were nuzzling each other’s necks, swift kisses, hard kisses, and hands roaming. She felt the moment she faltered in her assault of pushing her mind to welcome Solas to her, and the scene below dissolved.

_Shit_.

However, she noticed that the paramours that had made her lose focus in the first place remained. She suddenly wanted to be near them when her gaze drew back to their interlude. 

She found herself walking along the balcony, eyeing the dragon as if it were going to start breathing fire upon her, and she hurried down the nearest stairwell. When on the ground level of the ballroom, she turned the corner in hopes to find the couple still in their embrace. She strangely wanted to see their faces; maybe to find some similarity or even ratify their obvious love for each other.

She was met with Solas instead. 

He sat on the marbled bench where the lovers had been, his bare feet firmly planted on the ballroom floor. He was looking directly at her. His face was soft, his tired grey eyes embedded into her turquoise. She paused at the surprise of him. 

This time, Solas wore a dark blue cloak edged with a thin, crimson trim. She quickly counted nine gold hoops in his ears. 

“Hello again, Ellana.” Solas scooted over on the bench, apparently making room for her to sit. 

She decided to stand for now. “Hello again.” 

She looked him over once more and mentally drove the sensation of choking up at the sight of his beautiful visage. She had to concentrate. She had to do this. 

While Solas did have a veneer of relaxation, she could sense the tenseness of his mood. She did not know whether it was from her calling to him, or what was currently going on in his non-fade domain. 

‘Break a leg’, Varric had said.

“I am sorry,” she suddenly started, lifting her hand then dropping it to her side. “I...I was just really missing you. It’s hard not to. Just last time you went away so quickly. I was worried something happened. I was… _had_ been enjoying our time on the Storm Coast. I know I went a bit overboard, but-”

“-You worried for me.” Solas cut her off, then breathed deeply. “I worry for you, Venahn.”

“Please don’t call me that, Solas.” She meant it. Once again, this was tearing her up inside. His stupid, beautiful face, and his fucking voice made her feel all at once, but she buried it deep. “And I am fine. I don’t expect you to tell me, but what drew you away so quickly from me last?”

Solas never once looked away from her, but he knitted his fingers together to rest on the tops of his knees. “I had a...unwanted company awaken me. I apologise. ”

“Oh?”

“Mmm…” Solas held his hand out to her then. 

She took it, and he guided her to sit by his side. He let go of her once she sat. Just the feel of his hand, his touch, even in the fade, rose her skin from the base of her pelvis and up to behind her ears. Being this close to him made her feel like she was going to falter at any moment. She was a bad actress.

“I know you are in Kirkwall.” Solas said. “May I ask, is it to unload fresh accounts of our intimacies?”

“I’ll tell you if you are willing to tell me where you are.”

Solas “ _hrmp’d_ ” and sighed. “I will take that as a yes, but can you consider... not?”

“Don’t worry,” she replied, “I am, and very sad about this, starting to run out. Unless you were... wanting to start new ones?” That was an answer he must not have expected, because Solas sucked in a tiny breath and held it. His eyes left hers and closed. It really seemed like he was fighting some sort of emotion, battling it, but he was doing a very good job of hiding what it was exactly. She gently placed her right hand on his thigh, “Or would that be _unwanted company_?”

Solas continued his internal war, yet she noted that he did not flinch from her touch. She was thoroughly surprised by his crumbling demeanor at the evocative suggestion she just implied.

“Join me, Ellana,” He simply stated. He took her hand that was on his thigh and squeezed it. “What I am doing has to be done. The natural state of the world, the earth below your feet...I have to make it right.”

Closing her eyes for what seemed an eternity, Ellana let her beloved hold her hand.

“I cannot join you. I have, in fact, thought about it many times. _Many times._ I would do most anything to have… _this_ again,” She squeezed his hand in return, pulling it into her lap, “but I could not live with myself knowing the cost. I love you Solas, with everything that I am. We were _good_ together. We understood each other. But tearing the veil down is the one singular thing that I cannot be a part of. I can be the lover of The Dread Wolf, but not his accomplice.”

“And I could ask you the same thing,” She continued, rubbing the palm of his hand with her thumb. “Join _me_. Why not join me, Solas? You can help, your followers can help. The Divine is already making headway for the elves. She is freeing up land. Basically all of what little money I did have, has been used to pour into the foundations of this unification. It’s not going to happen over night, but it will happen one day. Why is that not good enough?”

The whole time she spoke to him, she watched as his eyes trailed down her face, down her body, then stopped at the sight of his hand that she was still holding onto. 

She then remembered why she was here in the first place. 

She knew what she had to do.

Releasing her hand from his, she slid over and kneeled between his parted legs. Reaching up, she placed her warmed hand on his shoulder. Solas’ face was so near to hers. She peered into his tired eyes, then gently placed a soft kiss on his full lips. He did not object to her doing this, because as she leaned back to stare at him again, he shadowed her movement and placed a kiss of his own. Gazing to his face again as he straightened his shoulders, she tried to decipher any nuance they held--to see what they quietly said without words. All she saw was a silent pain.

Ticks of silence ebbed between them until Solas grabbed onto both sides of her head and pulled her back to him. He kissed her, and she felt lightheaded. She knew what she had to do, but she also truly wanted this to happen. Pushing the directive out of her mind that she was tasked to do, she, instead, went full force with her own. 

She let him kiss her.

She let herself welcome it, encouraging him by leaning into his embrace. Her mouth invited him to give her more; His kisses were tender, but did not take long for them to intensify. She felt his hands drop from the sides of her face only to wrap around her neck with the lightest of merciful pressure. She closed her eyes slowly at the sensation. He released his hold when she let out a soft moan, and brought her down onto the floor. When she felt the weight of his body drape over hers, she wanted to rip the buttons off his cloak. 

“I can’t join you,” Solas said, peering down into her eyes, his voice thick with want, “but it seems that I am too weak to truly let you go. _Mi’nas’sal’in_.”

“ _Mi’nas’sal’in_ ,” she repeated. She knew what it meant. _The knife again in my soul_. She felt exactly the same.

Solas hovered over her, kissing a trail down her face, her neck. His hand rested on her left breast until he made his way all the way down to her boots. He bit hard on the inside of her ankle. Feeling the bite through the leather, she sucked in a hiss. It hurt. It felt wonderful.

This had to stop now or else it wouldn’t. 

She had to stay on task. As much as she wanted to continue this, she had to stop. She had to wake up. 

Wiggling her left foot out of his grasp, she scooted her bottom closer to him, then placed her boot on his right shoulder. She then shoved him away with a powerful thrust, which propelled him to fall onto his side. 

He snarled.

She knew that snarl, too. She had heard it so much in their time together. It was the sound of his intrinsic, all-consuming desire.

Smiling, she stood and looked down at him. She realized she was slightly panting. The sound of her heavy breaths deafening to her own ears. “I would really love to continue this, Solas. But I have to wake. Lots and lots to do before I go back to _my_ castle.”

The last thing she saw before she left the fade was Solas sitting up on his knees and giving her the most unimaginable glare of vexation. 

***+***

When she awoke, she was heated. Blinking her eyes several times, she rolled her head to the side and let out a groaning sigh. Light filtered through the window and she focused on the thousands and thousands of particles floating in the air.

After having a quick wash-up, she put on a long cloak- and _only_ a long cloak. Naked beneath the thick wool, she mentally prepared herself for the day’s true work. 

Taking her time going downstairs, she was met with Varric and Sera as she entered the kitchen. They were at a small table, eating sausages, duck eggs and what looked to be very burnt potatoes. No sign of Krem. Apparently, as Varric explained after she asked about the Tevinter, pouring herself a cup of lemon tea and sitting down between the two, he had to return to Bull and Cole. 

She nodded and sipped her tea silently.

“Hey Glum-Chum...wait,” Varric cocked his head sideways when their eyes met, “Or should I say… _Miss-Merry_. Oh yeah, I see that sparkle in your eye, Ellana. You wasted no time at all? Damn. I was expecting it to take a while.”

She blushed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Varric.”

“Wait,” Sera interjected, crumbles of eggs falling out of the corner of her mouth, “you actually fade-fucked Baldy?”

Ellana questioned Varric with her own cocked head. 

“She knows,” the Viscount started with a nod of his head after giving Sera a stern look. “She’s helping today, if you’re ready. We can always postpone for a few days if need be.”

Blushing again, she rolled her neck as she held onto the hot lemon tea, trying to rebuff Sera’s insinuation. “No...no. I just want to get this over with. And Solas and I did not…” She faltered for a second, “I just did what I was supposed to do.”

“Heeeeeeeerrrre, pussy-pussy- _PUUUSSSSSSYYYY_!” Sera shrieked, giggling uncontrollably.

***+***

“I can’t wait to see her butt,” Sera blurted, as Varric drew the last of the thick curtains in every window of the house closed.

“Sera, come on. This is serious shit.” Varric turned to the fellow archer, wagging a short stubby finger.

_“I can’t believe this is even happening.”_ She wanted to say out loud, ignoring Sera’s obnoxious comment. She had begun pacing back and forth in the cleared out sitting room. They had only spent a few minutes moving furniture against the walls, but what was encroaching was becoming too real to her. She was getting nervous now, and she clutched at the inside of her cloak. 

“Ok, so,” Varric began, standing by a table that had the metal box he earlier retrieved from the _Funk-Hole_ , “Sera, since you will be heading the main locating party, it is vital you pay attention. Sit your ass down and shut the hell up.”

“Oi,” Sera blew a raspberry, but obliged by sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. “Ugghh, fine.”

“Thank you. Now Ellana,” Varric turned to face her, “you know what to do, right? This is just a practice round. You only get one. There is only enough mo-jo for this to work two times. Not three or more, just _two_.”

“Yes, I understand,” she stated clearly, stopping her pacing to face the Dwarf.

Varric then handed her the metal box and the key. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“I know.” She heaved a deep breath. “But we’re still grasping at straws. Solas will not budge. I thought he might, I planted the seed, but he won’t.”

Sera began to titter, “ _seed_.”

Varric shushed the archer dramatically, then focused back to her. “Ok Ellana, remember. Touch the small one first and put it somewhere down below where you can slip into it. Then put the big one on and say the magic word.”

“Enchantment?” It wasn’t a hard word to memorize, but she was beginning to be thankful to Varric’s tenancity. 

“Yes, Ellana. _Enchantment_. When you want out, when you are done, say...I guess, _think-say,_ enchantment twice quickly.”

“Ellzie’s gunna be all naked--”

“SHUT UP, SERA!” --She and Varric both shouted together. 

Sera snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Get on with it then. You will be okay, Ellz. If you get stuck, I’ll take care of you. You’re shittin’ outside though. Wait, are you only gonna have three legs?”

“No,” Varric sighed, annoyed. “Sandal took care of that bit.”

“Wait,” Sera held up her hands, her eyebrows furrowed, “Uhhh, ‘oo the fuck is Sandal?”

“Just…never mind Sera. Ellana? Ready?”

Nodding, she held onto the box carefully as to not tip it. The collars were not to touch, and as she rounded the corner, she set the box down on the kitchen table and slid the key into the keyhole with a slow turn. She opened the lid. She looked at the collars. The large one was dark blue with glowing silver rune enchantments weaved into the actual collar’s fibers. The smaller one was off-white and very much the same, yet the enchantment was a blazing red. She removed her cloak, letting it pool at her bare feet, took a breath, and touched the smaller collar. 

Nothing happened, but she did feel a weird tingle cascade around her scalp. She placed the small collar, which was quite flexible, leaned up against the kitchen table’s leg. 

“OK,” she shouted, “I AM PUTTING IT ON IN A FEW MOMENTS! IF I DON’T COME OUT AFTER TEN MINUTES I AM PROBABLY DEAD OR SOMETHING!”

“YOU WILL BE FINE! WE WILL WAIT!” Varric returned, his voice carrying down the hallway and to her.

With a deep breath, she returned to the box with the large blue collar and stared at it. “This is fucking stupid. If I die, I am so haunting your fucking ass, Dread Wolf.” 

She picked up the larger collar, and clamped it around her neck.

"Enchantment!"

The world went wobbly. Scattered. Her eyes felt like they were being squeezed. Her spine felt like it was being ripped out of her skin. Before she could even scream, the pain left and all at once everything became taller.


	11. Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cats having a hairball-fit are hilarious sounding. Yeah, yeah... I know, I'm a jerk.

I was still me. I was not expecting to feel like me. 

I looked down and saw two paws; the left cream in color, the right one grey. I am not me.

It worked. I didn’t move for several moments except when I looked down to look at my hands… _paws_. I noted the long fur of my front legs. Fluffy, yet somewhat curly. Great. I let out a miffed sigh, and instead of actually hearing myself sigh, a loud garbled retch came out like a cough. 

“ELLZ! YOU DID IT! VARRIC SHE DID IT! SHE HAS A HAIR-BALL ALREADY! ELLZ!”

“STOP SHOUTING AT ME SERA, I AM RIGHT HERE! COME OUT WHEN YOU ARE READY ELLANA!”

I did not want to. I had to get my wits about me. I had to remember stuff like the ‘sigh’ and how it translated to my new form. Sighing would come out as the sound of a cat spitting out a hairball, so I would need to be careful not to do it. Unless I eventually got one. Or if I wanted to sound like a perpetually sick animal for some reason. _Oh gods._

I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, and turned my head. My tail was swishing back and forth along my back, long curly fur floating softly as it did. I did not want to be long haired. Short fur would have been easier to manage. Long fur meant being brushed. It meant things would get stuck in it. It meant mats. If I got wet, it meant it would take five times as long to dry off.

I became agitated.

A hiss came out of my mouth. I noted that, too. Feelings apparently also manifested as vocalizations. 

This was going to be an absolute nightmare. Calming myself, I tried walking. 

It was easy. It was strange. However, my left hand, no, _paw_ , did not have any feeling to it. I could not feel the coolness of the floor like my right one did, but it did not falter in movement as I circled the perimeter of the kitchen.

The cat collar. I almost forgot.

It took me a few tries, but I managed to sneak my head through it, my paws helping. I would have to be careful with that too, because it would be completely unimaginable if someone were to see a cat put their own collar on. They would probably think me a demon and then I would be dead in an instant. I had to act like a fucking cat, and _not_ an elf.

The collar, once on, did not pull any sensation through me like the larger one did. It fit perfectly, and I did not mind the very mild pressure it held around my neck. The larger collar had disappeared, just as Leliana’s missive stated it would. It would re-appear once I was done with this masquerade.

Strange magic. Strange enchantment. I will undoubtedly have to make it a point to meet the genius behind this at some point.

Something smelled good. I wanted to be on the table, so I tried jumping onto it. I felt my back legs pull down, my tail swish along with my behind wiggling, before willing myself to _jump_. First try, and I landed perfectly on top. There was a half eaten sausage on Sera's plate. I silently walked to it and smelled it. It smelled so different. So many different smells that I would never have known when I was my normal self. I opened my mouth and began devouring it. It also tasted very different than when I was...well, _not_ a cat, but I still liked it. 

After I finished the sausage, I sniffed around the table. The leftover eggs did not smell bad, but they did not smell good either, so I left them. Same with the burnt potatoes. The tea smelled fucking awful and suddenly I felt an overwhelming sensation of offense.

A deep growling came from my throat.

Growling made perfect sense when offended as a cat, and it will more than likely be a noise that I will probably be using the moment when I showed myself to Varric and Sera. Mostly Sera. I already knew that she was sitting in the other room, just coming up with all sorts of shite to say to me.

Might as well get it over with.

Jumping off the table, I walked out, keeping my body close to the wall of the hallway. I was me, but I also strangely felt the instinct to be as close to the wall as possible. The tip of my tail, I could feel, twitching back and forth as I did so. 

I paused for a moment before entering, sniffing the air. It smelled like ashes from the fire. It hung heavily down here. It made me feel dirty for some reason, and in a moment my right paw lifted and I began to lick it. 

_What?_

I willed myself to stop. I snorted at the absurdity of my action and a sneeze came out of my nose instead.

Right then.

I entered the sitting room slowly.

***+***

Varric and Sera were sitting next to each other. Sera looked bored, her head propped up on her right hand with her eyes closed, breathing out of her mouth. Varric was looking down at his hands that were fiddling with a pocket watch. 

I walked further in so that I would hopefully catch Varric’s eye.

It worked, and Varric looked away from the pocket watch and then to me. I saw his eyes instantly grow large, a hand coming to cover his mouth. Several seconds came and went, so I sat in front of him.

“Awww, Ellana,” Varric cooed at me, removing his hand from his mouth. “You are... _adorable_.”

At the sound of his voice, Sera jerked her head up and blinked a few times before seeing me, her first reaction the same as Varric’s; eyes wide and a hand clamped over her mouth.

Not necessarily being a vain person, but for some reason being called adorable made me happy, and a “meow” escaped me as I twirled around several times.

“Look at her little pink-dot! Her butt! HAHAHAHAaahaha!” Sera doubled over in laughter. 

I growled, then hissed in Sera’s direction, which only made her laugh harder. I could see tears rolling down the outside corners of her eyes.

My tail began twitching again.

Varric didn’t even say anything. He just looked at Sera.

We both waited several minutes for the Red Jenny to ease her amusement. Several long and annoying minutes. Once Sera had her fill of laughter, she apologized and forced a serious look on her face, laughter obviously straining to come back at any moment.

“Now Ellana,” Varric said, scooting closer to me, “Meow once for ‘yes’, and twice for ‘no’. Oh, Andraste’s tits, I hope she can understand me... Ellana, can you understand me?”

I meowed once.

“Good. Now,” Varric continued after heaving a sigh of relief. “Do you like the _Funk-Hole_?”

I meowed twice, then sighed myself.

The retching, hairball sound came out and I quickly quelled it with mentally telling myself to stop. I really, really, _really_ needed to stop doing that.

“Ellz,” Sera began, looking totally serious now, “You really are adorable, and I fuck’n hate cats. You're _aullllll _fuzzy and soft. I want to pick you up and pet yer ‘lil head.”__

__I growled._ _

__“Please?”_ _

__I growled._ _

__“I think that means no, Sera.” Varric stood and pushed one of the chairs back into the room to sit on. “Ellana, how do you feel? I mean, uhm...let me rephrase that. Do you feel bad?”_ _

__I meowed twice._ _

__“Okay. Do you think that you can do this?”_ _

__I meowed once._ _

__“I wanna ask auh question," Sera interjected, then cleared her throat dramatically. “Does Baldy like ass ramming himself?”_ _

__I did not know what was happening at first, but I felt myself flying. I lunged at Sera and sank my claws into the closest knee, hissing._ _

__“AHHH!” Sera scrambled back, shooing me away. “Sorry, Ellz! Maker’s balls…’Ey, I’m bleeding!”_ _

__I had never heard Varric laugh so loud._ _

__

__***+***_ _

__

__It was well past mid-day, and after the initial questions and just plain astonishment from both Varric and Sera, and well, myself, I was left to my own devices so that I could familiarize myself with my new form. Varric stayed closeby, Sera too, but they went about doing other things. Varric went upstairs to tally up some accounts. I visited from time to time, jumping the stairs quickly. Sera cleaned up the kitchen, and fed me random bits of dried meat and whatever else she thought I might l like. When i suddenly felt the urge to… _go_. The lemon tea I drank when I was an elf suddenly hit me. I had to piss. _Now_. I scratched at the door. Sera, understanding what I was doing, opened the back door of the kitchen to let me out._ _

__I ran over to a small flower pot and did my business. It was weird. But I felt satisfied. Sera cackled as she hovered in the doorway._ _

__“Better get back in before some mutt sniffs you out.” She said to me._ _

__After finishing my business, I went back in and gave Sera a thank-you-meow. I ran away from her and bounded through the house to my room where I headbutted the door that was left ajar. I remembered that there was a mirror and I was truly curious as to what I looked like, so I jumped on top on the vanity where some of my things were; a brush, a bottle of scented oil for my hair that I bought in Crestwood, and the black ribbon I used to tie my hair back._ _

__The mirror reflected, well, a cat. It was hard to distinguish my size, as it never really occurred to me that it mattered. But what I saw in the mirror was a sort of short legged, squat cat. My fur was a smokey grey, minus my cream colored left front leg. A matching cream patch that I surmised where my cat-heart was located was on my cat...chest? My fur was also strangely curly. In all my life, I have never seen a cat with curly hair. Well, it was curly in a way like rippled curls, some more defined than others. My eyes were still turquoise, but not as brilliant as when an elf, more dull in color. My tail was fucking stupid. _Obnoxious_. The hair was very long. My hindlegs were grey, yet the flat back parts that I would sit on were pitch black. _Interesting._ White whiskers, and long wispy hair grew out of the base of my ears, covering them. I would say that I was, indeed, a cute creature. _ _

__***+***_ _

__By the time the sun began to drop over the horizon of Kirkwall, I was tired. Sitting in the west window in the foyer that I found myself entranced with staring out of, my eyes began blinking with exhaustion. It was time to change back. Practice was over._ _

__Jumping off the window sill, I made my way back to the sitting room where Varric and Sera were sitting by the hearth, drinking the ‘crap’ Brandy. I walked over and quietly sat down between them, the fire warming me._ _

__“I think her tail is going to be stuck along her back, I’ve seen some cats like that. It just...stays put. Like, it’s their natural resting position.” Varric said to Sera. They must have been talking about me._ _

__“That or she just wants everyone to see her wee pinky-winky-dot” Sera looked down at me and giggled. “Ellz, try to make your tail not do that, it’s weird!”_ _

__I hissed, and tried my best to put my tail in a position other than along my back. It did, indeed, move when I willed it to, but as soon as I disengaged from that will, it popped right back._ _

___Dammit_ _ _

__I sighed in defeat._ _

___hairball._ _ _

__Sera giggled._ _

__“You done for the day, Ellana?” Varric smiled at me then drank the last sip of his drink and poured another. “I want to hear all about it. Plus, I think you need a drink too.”_ _

__I meowed once._ _

__“Ok, see you soon,” Varric clinked his glass with Sera and I walked back to the kitchen._ _

__Sera had draped my abandoned cloak over a chair. I walked to a spot where nothing would be above my head, and enough circumference around me that would be enough room for my body. I was not sure how I would change back; standing up on two legs, or standing on all fours._ _

__I pawed the cat collar off me and it dropped. I thought of the word I had to say, and in my mind, I said it twice in rapid succession and resolve; “Enchantment! Enchantment!”_ _

__The same pain returned as when I had transformed. It lasted only a quick moment, and I found myself naked and quickly chilled. Both of my feet were planted on the floor, my ass up in the air, and my right hand also planted on the floor. I instantly felt wobbly and I lost balance because, well, one arm. I fell on my face. _Ow_._ _

__The large collar suddenly snapped off my neck and fell near its counterpart. I propped myself up, and became queasy. It subsided minutes later as I calmed myself. I stood, put my cloak on, then returned the collars to the metal box, locked it, brought them to my room and placed it under the bed. I put the key under the rug beside it and returned to my friends._ _

__A third chair had been placed by the fire, and I sat down between Varric and Sera. I drank down the brandy in one go that someone had poured for me._ _

__I turned my head to Sera and spoke the truth before I would be plunged into the thoughts, feelings, and questions that I would be answering soon; “Sera, you smelled fucking awful. Go take a bath.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope grammar/Punctuation/1st person was decent. I am bad at that shit, but I tried to make it sound not too dumb. Eh. The next two chapters will be normal Ellana and her prepping for the set-up. Hrmm....
> 
> When I came up with this funny idea, it took me a while to figure out what I wanted Ellana to look like as a cat. I ended up with picking a Selkirk Rex (Funny that. Rex. Lawlz.) They are cute little things, and they are curly haired. But I also based her short stature off I think, a Munchkin cat? They have short little legs and theyre just.. omg, fucking hilariously cute. Ok. I am done. The only thing I actually gleaned from being a cat owner myself, is the tail part. My cat's tail literally is like...glued to her back so her butt is always RIGHT FREAKING THERE. It's so weird, but eh. Whatever. Haha.


	12. Last Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last Hoorah before Ellana goes on her next adventure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be a trigger for some people (about halfway), as it deals with fire/death (though fake in this fic) relating to fire. I did not go into much detail, just the set up of it, and general talking/plot. So just letting anyone know out there that it deals with that as a precaution. I would say that skipping this chapter, or skimming it in parts where if it starts to be a bit hard for you to read, that going onto the next chapter wouldn't have much of an impact. 
> 
> This chapter is just getting a few key points made, and then the final set up. It is the segway chapter! 
> 
> Next Chapter/13, is where we get things REALLY going. Tee Hee.

After staying in Kirkwall for another six weeks, getting everything finalized, Sera and I left to return to Skyhold. If we wanted to stay on schedule, we had to. We didn’t have a choice. We had to go. 

I left the wagon for Varric to do as he wished. Sell it or keep it. Same with the horses as I only took the best of them; One for me, one for Sera. I also gave Varric my ravens. I kept my good-boy however, and as Sera and myself rode hard with haste from Crestwood back to Skyhold, the bird took off from my shoulder and headed to the castle on his own.

I would not be needing my horses, my wagon, or my birds anymore if things went according to the plan. And if the plan succeeded, I would finally be able to utilize Skyhold for its next purpose; an embassy for the people. It was going to be a long shot, but I had faith in the scheme that would soon be executed.

As we neared the Frostbacks, Sera started asking questions. I had answered them many times already, but I began to think that she needed more in depth replies. That or she was becoming nervous about what she would be doing soon.

“So we just can’t get Baldy when he comes here? Even if there were tons and tons of people… _magiciky_ people... and whatnot, hiding all over? It would be done like BAM!” Sera asked me, punching the air.

I sighed. “Solas is too powerful, Sera. With tons and tons of mages, as you put it, scattered all over, not only would he know of their presence and leave immediately, there could be casualties. I don’t want anyone else to die if I can help it. And that is why I am the one who has to do this... if the plan works at first, but i’m found out for some reason, he wouldn’t kill me. At least I truly believe he would not. If someone _else_ was chosen to put those collars on and were found out, they would be dead. It just has to be this way. He's already been to Skyhold once while I was there, and I didn’t even notice until I figured it out.”

“But wouldn’t he know that you were the cat? Or that the _cat_ was not a cat because he can smell magic with his big dumb magic sniffin’ nose?”

“I would think that myself,” I replied, gripping my horse's reins tighter, “But I have been assured that the enchantments on the collars have strong cloaking magics. That is one reason why the smaller collar, which is the beacon, will sort of make the beacon a little...dull. The big collar is also overshadowed by the cloaking bit, but it’s the stronger of the two. The collar I think, just turns into the fur...or it’s just invisible? I don't really know. I am not any great enchanter or anything. I know nothing about that sort of stuff."

Sera giggled, “Maybe that’s why you were so fluffy.”

“Maybe.”

“How does the fade thing work though?” Sera continued. “If we are settin’ up your death, wouldn't Elfy find out you’re not dead if he happens to find you in the fade, or feel your fade-self-whatever thingy?”

“That is another part of the enchantment with the smaller collar.” I loosened my grip on the reins and I turned left into a small trail off the last main road in the area. “That’s why the beacon will be weak. I will be...a cat, in the fade. When I meet with Dorian to give any intell, I won’t be able to talk to him, but I will have to work with him as quickly as possible. I am going to have to learn to be nocturnal, because I will have to meet him during the daytime instead of at night. We don’t want to risk the possibility of the magic not working. Plus while Solas is asleep, and if I am able to be within any of his personal rooms, he won’t second guess a cat being awake at night, walking around. Perfect time to snoop around.”

“Baldy likes cats?” 

“Ive never seen him harm an animal unless it was life or death. Let’s just say that I will have to be very _persuasive_ in order for him to take me with him. But I think the setup I have done already, he will take me. He is very… _sentimental_. He will feel bad, and will feel the need to take care of my ‘cat’ because--”

“--because he is a fuck-face?” Sera sniggered.

I snorted. “No, Sera, because that’s just _him_...” I trailed off in thought ,the sudden memory of my recent tryst in the fade with Solas penetrating my mind; The missive from Leliana had instructed me to try to get Solas’ attention in the fade until he would meet with me, very much like the ‘Varric’s Key’ job. Though the instructions were for me to...flirt, engage in suggestive _behaviors_ , and basically make him… _pine_ for me again. Make him susceptible to our past relationship. Re-kindle it. Not only would it confuse, frustrate and weaken him, it would make him feel _guilty_. So guilty, that when he learned of my ‘death’, it was more than likely he would return to Skyhold to see for himself what happened. 

Because he was sentimental. 

And hopefully, he would leave with my ‘cat’. 

And it _was_ working. His susceptibility to me since my authored works began circulating had weakened him. It really did not take him long to meet with me in the fade as the printing presses pumped out our noteworthy devotions. He had never returned to the fade no matter how much I searched after Corypheus. Same way with the Exalted Council. He never accepted invitations in the fade. I felt him a few times, but other than that, he would never show himself. I had given up by then anyway. Yet... ...yet he was now sentimental enough to steal my chiffon fabric we had used many times, long ago. Parading it around as he sat on the throne in the Storm Coast. In the fade. Had I broken him, or was he trying to break me?

“You’re thinking about his cock, aren’t you.”

I shook my head, hearing words from Sera but not fully hearing her. “Mmm? What?”

“I said, Pinky-Winky,” Sera all but basically shouting, “You’re thinking about his cock, aren’t you! You have that weird fuck’n look on your dumb face like you just got done bangin’ him behind a damn bush. Yeah, I remember that look. You ‘n Baldy come back from somewhere all ‘ _OOOooo I luuvee youuu_ ’ and ‘ _OOoooohhhh your tits_ ’... _’OhhhhhhOOOOO your small elfy dick!’_. Fuck, Ellana, I don’t know if this is going to be a good idea. He has you spun tight. You’re gonna be the one getting fucked from this, and you’re going to back him and his bullshit cause.”

__“Sera,” I said coolly, even though I became quite angry with her, “That will not happen. If anything is to happen, he will _back_ me. He will back _our cause_.”_ _

__“Ppffpppptt, yeah...keep telling yer’self that shite.” Sera snapped the reins of her horse angrily and galloped away, mud and slushy left over snow splattering my legs._ _

__

__***+***_ _

__

__The next three days were still tense between Sera and myself, even when we had to snuggle up around a fire to keep us warm. Catching only four or five hours of sleep for ourselves and the horses, we managed to finally reach Skyhold by the afternoon of the fourth day._ _

__Sera volunteered (in a very curt manner) to get the horses fed, watered, and situated in the stables. I took the metal box with the collars and my large pack to go inside the castle to get the fire started in my quarters. I helped the frigid air along by trying my best and only fire glyph spell to take a bit of the chill away. I stashed the metal box under the bed, threw my pack by my wardrobe, and set off to start another fire in the war-room._ _

__Sera needed a bath._ _

__I needed a bath._ _

__We _reeked_._ _

__Thankfully I left one barrel of water full, and after getting the fire going, I filled the washing basin halfway and put two large pots on the fire to heat up._ _

__I left for the rookery. My good-boy had his head buried under a wing, sleeping away. I left some seed out for him, and filled his bowl with clean fresh water before heading to the kitchen that had some dry goods and salted meats still stashed away. Gathering enough for Sera and I to eat through the rest of the day, I brought it back up to my quarters and plopped it on my desk._ _

__Sera would only be staying the night to get a good rest, then she would be back off to Crestwood. She would be there until she knew it would be time to gather her locating party, and begin the long search for her once hopefully Solas took me in._ _

__I heard the door to my quarters open and close, huffing sounds coming from Sera as she treked up the stairs._ _

__“Nice and cozy, Ellz.” Sera dropped her own pack on the floor and walked to the hearth, sticking her backside as close as possible into it. “I smell food. Gimmie, gimmie!”_ _

__As we ate, the tense air between us dissipated. I knew she was just worried, but she really did not need to be. I would say it to her, but it would probably just piss her off again._ _

__Sera bathed first, and after I was done, we sat on the bed and began reading the check list of the things we had to do._ _

__“So when you turn into the pussy that you are,” Sera smirked, “I want you to knock this over to let me know that Baldy was here and that he has taken you,” Sera pointed to a thin spined book that lay on the settee. “I don’t care how you manage to do it, just do it. Also, I want you to scratched the fuck outta his face.”_ _

__“You will know he has taken me if I am not here though.” I replied._ _

__Sera huffed and stood. “Yeah, but I just want...I just want a real confirm on this. Just do it.”_ _

__“Allright, Sera. I will try my best.” I got up and stood by the hearth. “Come on, help me move this banner down and let’s make it look like banners should never be placed above hearths again.”_ _

__“FOR THEDAS!” Sera shouted, her arms waving above her head, “FUCK YOU, DREAD WOLF! YOU BUTT!”_ _

__

__***+***_ _

__

__On the timeline that she, Varric and Sera had prepared while in Kirkwall, news would be spreading through Thedas by tomorrow afternoon. Leliana had agents posted in every major city and town, waiting to spread this lie by word-of-mouth and posted placards. The lie that the former Inquisitor had died in a fire at Skyhold. A fire that caught from a faulty bracket of a banner above the hearth. A fire that had ripped through most of the quarters of ‘Ellana Lavellan’, where she had died from the smoke as she slept and burned her to nothing as her bed caught fire.._ _

__That is why they had to work quickly._ _

__After the Dalish banner above the hearth was planted, Lavellan encouraged Sera to get some sleep while she worked on the other bits of the plan. Mainly setting out small dishes by the stairs, acting as food and water sources for a _small_ pet. Going down and to the kitchens, she prepared some salted meat, chopped into edible bits, placing them in the bowl. She piled the meat high as she was not too sure how long it would actually take for Solas to come, if he did at all. There was snow still, all around, so if she got desperate enough she could eat that for hydration. And if worse came to worse, desperate still, she could always… _hunt_. But she did have a friendly back-up plan..._ _

__She tirelessly worked through most of the night as Sera slept. After being done with the set-up, she crawled in next to Sera and quickly fell asleep._ _

__***+***_ _

__When light started pouring over the eastern horizon and through the windows, she awoke._ _

__Sera was already up and gathering the few things she had taken out of her pack last night. “I’m leavin’. I looked around, everythin’ seems right. Have fun setting fire to your room, Pinky-Winky. We’ll find you.”_ _

__With that, Sera left, riding one horse with the other in tow, as I looked out after her._ _

__When Sera was well out of view, I hurried to the rookery, my note already written, and sent my good-boy on his way to Dorian. The note merely stated today’s date._ _

__I went back to my room with just as much haste and began the fire._ _

__I willed myself to use as much of my magic that I could, which was a pathetic amount. I yanked the Dalish banner down and let it fall into the hearth that was still going from the night before. When it caught, I helped it along by shooting balls of fire onto it, and onto the rug nearby. Not thinking, there was actually a lot of smoke building up in the room and I began to frantically cough. I flung open the balcony windows to help steal it away._ _

__The stench of the fire, the burnt fabrics and the scorch marks I purposely placed around the hearth, along the stone floor and up to my desk, was appalling. It took me a while to get through the smell as I brought the fire to my desk, making it charred. I set ablaze to the rug between my desk and bed, bringing the fire to the actual bed itself. The bed lit up like nothing I have ever seen._ _

__I didn’t even know how long it took, but my quarters was a disaster when I felt finished._ _

__Feeling satisfied in my work, I unlocked the metal box that I had removed before setting my bed ablaze, and set the small collar up against the settee’s leg. Taking the larger collar, holding onto it with dear life, I took the box and the key, and threw it over the balcony’s railing. I watched as it fell with rapid speed downwards, smashing onto the rocks and ice below. I returned, locking the balcony doors and stood by the stairwell._ _

__Holding onto the larger collar, I mentally called to Cole, then attached the collar for the last and only time._ _

__One last chance._ _


	13. Hunter of the Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole is such a sweet little weirdo spirit. I love him XD
> 
> Ellana likes to decapitate birds.
> 
> Solas needs a hanky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me longer than expected. I became very frustrated with it and took a day off writing it. If it seems awkward, even after going over it a dozen times (and a dozen more before I hit "publish"), I am sorreehh. I think it turned out well though by the end. Blahh...blaahhhh blaahhh...
> 
> _Da'renan - Little Voice._

The transformation happened just as it did before; pain, then nothing. I quickly went to the small collar and pawed it around my fluffy neck effortlessly. 

Having eaten a hearty meal before transforming, I was not hungry and hopefully would not be for many hours. I was not sure how long it would take, but at this moment, as it was the afternoon, Leliana’s agents were placing the placards and selling the lie. Solas could be here before nightfall, in three days, a month, or not at all. I had called to Cole to inform him that I was about to change as he was now a much needed addition to the plan- He would be the middle man now, and I would need him in case anything were to happen between this moment in time until Solas’ hopeful arrival. 

If it got to the point where Solas never came, Cole would be here to help me transition back. After only spending several hours during the practice run, once I had returned to my natural self, I had felt quite sick before I went to bed that night. I had no idea what the effects would be if I were to be in the cat form for weeks or months-however long it would take. So after quick deliberation, Varric and Leliana decided it be best to have Cole on board for this.

So now, all I had to do was wait. 

~~~

The smell of my fire-gutted quarters began to appall my finer senses, and a hiss escaped me. The water and food dish placement - which I made sure to put well out of the way of the fire - was not the best of spots. I should have placed them down the stairwell, but if I wanted to eat, I would just have to put up with the smell.

Passing through the ajar doors of my quarters leading down into the main hall of Skyhold, I decided to take a quick tour to pass the time. I slinked along the walls, sniffing the air every so often. All I could smell was the cold of the stone surrounding me, dust, and traces of the fire’s smoke.

I walked into the Rotunda. 

Being this low to the ground, the Rotunda had quite a different feel. I leaped up on the dusty desk in the center, and sat. Looking at the frescos before me, the colors and imagery almost jumping off the walls, I could not help but stare at the unfinished panel.

Before now, I never noticed the repeating triangle pattern that would connect, flow, into the next-Yet the last panel still continued to confound me every time I tried to decipher it. The only thing I assumed to be right was that of Solas inserting himself as the figure on the left; The Dread Wolf. But what was he doing? The sword, the dragon? The dragon was a representation of Corephyus, I could only surmise. Possibly. The sword, also guessing, must have possibly represented me - as a sword wielder - or the Inquisition itself? 

Or it could have represented something else altogether.

I left the Rotunda. It was already giving me a headache thinking about it, at least as close to a 'headache' for a cat. 

***+***

Cole popped in every few days or so. 

The first time, made my body twist; back arched, front claws protruding as far as they could go, a ridge of stiff fur sticking straight up along my spine and to the tip of my tail. Cole had scared me senseless. I had merely been dozing in the alcove nearest the stairwell of my quarters when I felt something touch my head. It had been Cole attempting to pet me, but as I had been alone for almost a week, that simple and gentle touch made me react accordingly. 

Cole had brought me a present; a dead mouse. He dangled it near my face after I calmed myself. I was completely out of food and water in ‘my dishes’ for only a day. I was able to weedle myself through the kitchen’s door by going underneath, the gap just barely big enough for me to fit. I had access to some food in there, but most of it took ages to get to, or it was past its prime. I ate snow for water.

A mouse, however, was something that I was not quite interested in.

“I can find more.” Cole stated, laying the mouse gently on the ground before me after I had calmed my fur. “You should have more. Tiny little bodies, all around.”

What a genius Cole was. I meowed once at his cryptic message, but I always had a knack for understanding Cole for the most part. 

And by the end of the day, the floor had been littered with a few song birds and mice Cole had killed to lay about the floor of my quarters, by the throne, and some by the main entrance to the castle. This would give the appearance of a cat living by itself with no one to take care of it. 

I was curious, however, and attempted to eat one of the birds he had brought me. Strangely, it did not taste too bad. I just could not bring myself to eat any of the mice, so when Cole would bring one, he would twist the body and beat it with a rock to make it appear as though some parts had been. 

This continued on for, as far as I could guess, about three weeks. I was becoming quite agitated and was beginning to think this was all a waste. Solas would not come. Yet I had to endure. I would give it another month, at best, then call it a defeat. 

The small animal carcasses thankfully rotted quickly. The first ones had turned into strange garbled dried up messes of skin and bone. At least I could handle eating birds.

~~~

As the weather became somewhat warmer day by day - though still cold - I would wander outside and just walk around the courtyard, smelling, investigating, and trying my best to keep my sanity. I tried my own hand at hunting-- and after many attempts, I was a killer of birds, mice, moles, and the occasional fly. 

I found that I also mastered the art of ‘cleaning’ oneself, as a cat. 

Hairballs ensued. 

I really hated being fluffy.

Cole would help by wetting a cloth and wiping my paws, belly, head and back every so often when he came to check on me. Grateful for the company, I always became somber after he left.

Until today, when Cole was just about to run a cloth over my shoulders, he suddenly went very still, and _very_ silent. I meowed and perked my ears forward and back looking at the blank expression on his face before he stood and strode to the balcony, opened the doors, and threw the cloth over the railing. He then shattered some of the panes from the balcony’s door with the butt-end of a sharp dagger. 

I immediately knew why, and I could feel my heart begin to beat, a slow but quiet growl curling in my throat.

“He will be here soon, cat.” Cole said quietly and petting my head. “You will have to wait, but he will be here. I will not see you for a long time. I have to go now. I left you a mouse downstairs.”

And like that, Cole disappeared. 

***+***

Cole did not say exactly when Solas was going to be at Skyhold. I did not imagine it would be immediate, as Solas would have been able to sense Cole’s presence. I also did not know how Cole knew that Solas would be coming. It was never something I considered to ask...and I wouldn’t be able to anyway-- cats don’t talk.

I began to panic slightly.

Which in turn began to make me sneeze and retch. 

I paced the circumference of my charred quarters, my tail twitching, and the hair of my spine was beginning to stand on end.

But hours passed, tick-by-tick, and I felt cold by the open balcony doors that began banging open and closed because the wind outside began to pick up. Shards of glass from the panes that were light enough ( I guessed Cole wanted to add his own special touch to the destruction of my room), skittered across the floor and I had to carefully paw my way through the debris. 

By the time night descended on the Frostbacks, the moons’ light glinting off the shattered glass, and being ever so nervous with waiting, I began to chomp down on a beautiful crowned red feathered bird with black eyes Cole had brought me earlier in the day. The chill of the day had kept the body cold enough that it did not taste foul. 

Halfway through gnawing the bird’s head off, I felt what I had not felt in almost five months; a tingle and pressure in the air. Instead of this sensation growing my skin taught around the back of my neck and below my ears, I felt it around the skin of my whiskers. 

It only meant one thing.

I continued to eat the bird, red feathers swirling around me as the wind blustered through the open balcony. 

The pressure steadily became more intense as I ate, and taking the bird in my mouth, I scuttled myself under the settee before I heard a slow and agonizing _creak_ of the door to my quarters open, then hit against the stone wall. Quiet footsteps ascending, a cloak brushing against each and every stair until it stopped, and I hunkered further under the couch. I stilled myself as I saw a familiar deep blue cloak barely come into view from around the corner.

Pawing the now decapitated bird slightly out of my way, I inched my head further out. It was Solas. It truly was him. He stood at the top of the stair and was scanning the room with his eyes. They were dark, his brow furrowed and his mouth pinched. Slowly, he turned his neck and looked above the hearth. I ducked back under the couch so that he would not see me.

I watched, hidden, as he took several steps inside. He regarded the balcony and the wagging doors, only to thrust a hand out; the doors slammed shut. He did a hand gesture and I watched as the seam of the two doors of the balcony began to glow. A _sizzle_ sound escaped. 

He fused the doors closed. 

I retreated back under my haven even further. It would not be wise to announce myself at this moment.

Still being able to see his movements as I kept low to the floor, I watched the direction his head would tilt and move, which allowed me to calculate where he was drawing his eyes; From the hearth, to the rug, to the desk, to the bookcases, to the other rug and finally to the bed. The eye movements would also flick back and forth to the balcony, and to the bed. 

Solas began pacing the room in the area where the _fire_ did not touch, next to the alcoves. I watched as his eyes landed on the set of pet dishes, then quickly move away back to the bed. Solas covered his face with a slender, beautiful hand then, and I heard sounds that were of a man trying very hard to not cry.

Hissing sounds were sucked in, and deep breaths emanated from his mouth, almost drowned out by the rattling and whistling of the balcony doors. 

Solas made his way to my bed and sat on it. The blackened mattress crumbling in parts as it took his weight. He stared out through the panes of the broken glass Cole had smashed earlier, and closed his eyes. I could see a sheen of wetness below his sharp grey irises, soaking back into the skin or evaporating as he sat still as a statue. 

I took the body of the red bird in my mouth, leaving the head behind, and slowly walked over to my dishes. I meowed quietly, dropping the avian’s body into the bowl, and continued to eat from it. As I did so, I kept my eyes on the ground while I let my sharp teeth needle through the flesh. I could feel the moment Solas tore his eyes from the balcony and onto me. 

I meowed as meeky as I could, letting the bird carcass drop out of my mouth. I swirled a few times around my bowls, slinking my paws on the cold stone of the floor. My tail straight up, I rubbed my neck against the floor by the dish I had long ago used for water. I then stretched, my front legs out before me, and sat.

Solas stood silent from my bed, more charred remnants and ash falling downwards--His cloak covered in it.

I thought for a second that he would just turn me to stone, but then, he smiled slightly.

I meowed again.

Solas knelt and held out an outturned hand. His cheeks were red, his eyes baggy from despair and sorrow. 

I backed my rear-end up against the stone wall by my dishes, and stared at him, my tail twitching and my head held low. 

Solas whispered a “ _psst, psst_ ”, followed by a “ _t’nich t’nich_ ” sound after. He was beckoning me. I hesitated at first, but found myself inching closer and closer with a few small meows.

“Who are you, Da’ renan?” I heard him say in a soft whisper after approaching cautiously.

I meowed, then quickly went back to my food bowls. 

“Ahh…” Solas breathed out. It seemed like the water and food dishes finally registered in his mind. I watched as he looked down at his right foot where a dried and mangled mouse corpse was. He brushed it aside.

“You weren't here before.” He said then, the echoing of the words making my heart suddenly pound again.

I quickly went up to him, brushing myself up against his legs, meowing and trying my best to get his mind off that mistake; It was a flaw in the plan I had not anticipated, and all I could think to do was distract him by purring and rubbing my body against his cloak with as much feline power that I could muster. 

“But then again, she always had a penchant for taking _animals_ under her wing.” Solas bent down and drew the backs of his fingers along the length of my spine. “You picked poor timing for wanting a home. I am afraid...you are without again.”

Solas began walking away towards the stairwell, as if to leave.

_No_. 

No, he would not just leave me. I jumped over the banister of the stairs and landed by his descending feet. Noticing me, he halted and looked down at me; his face contorted into a tired and perturbed grimace. I could see the wheels in his mind considering what I truly hoped would happen. 

“You’re all alone,” he said, looking down at me, “And now, so am I. I suppose...since you are such a talented hunter, and I do have pests coming into my den every so often, you might be beneficial.”

I hurriedly ran back up the stair, pawed the thin spine book off where it fell next to the bird’s head, and skittered back as fast as I could by his continued descent. He looked at me, perplexed at my sudden display of speed, and chuckled to himself. 

Wiping at his eyes again where they were still slightly wet, The Dread Wolf picked me up under the belly and held me close to his chest as he continued down the stairwell of my carbonized chambers.


	14. Bagged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wonder who the Unwanted Company was? Hrmm? Tee hee.

Solas carried me through the darkened entrance of Skyhold and through the main gate under powerful blustering winds. A patchy night sky loomed above, stars disappearing then reappearing with the pace of the gales. I saw in the distance a large black horse tied to a pine tree in the forest by the main trailhead as we neared the end of the drawbridge, a ball of magic light hovering over its head. While I had initially allowed myself to become relaxed in his arms during this short-lived promenade, the moment I saw the horse I became anxious about the obvious horse ride he would be taking me on. I soon got my answer to that because as soon as Solas got to the horse, he put me down on the muddy ground, looking down at me in contemplation, the magelight reflecting off his eyes.

“I am sorry, Da’renan, but this will be the most comfortable way... for both of us.” Solas outstretched his hand before me and jerked it in a fluid motion. I felt a tightening of my muscles and soon found myself falling onto my left side.

I was unable to move, yet still fully conscious. I saw Solas grab a satchel from the horse’s pack and then he scooped me up and put me inside. Adjusting my head, he made sure to have it outside of the bag so that I could breathe.

I growled-- that, he definitely heard.

“I am sorry,” Solas chuckled in a mirthful but also in a sad way as he began mounting the horse, slinging the bag, and me, over his shoulder. I was resting at his stomach, just above the saddle, and I felt his left hand cradle the bag close to him as his other hand grabbed the reins.

We were off at a full and quick gallop straightaway.

Being unable to move, shoved in a bag, and on a horse-ride of undetermined length, did not bode well with me. I would growl every so often, wishing I could bite his hand. I could understand that it would probably be easier for him to have me under an immobilization spell, but that didn’t mean I had to like it--I was not in _control_. 

That, and the side I had fallen on was wet with thick mud, which made my growling intensify.

After a long period of time, be that as it may, I gave up my anger and just decided to focus on the fact I had made it this far. The only thing I could ascertain at first before Solas’ cloak flapped into my face - covering it slightly yet able to still breathe - was that we were heading west. The closest town in that direction was Sahrnia, though it was very far away; It would have been at least a five day journey, four if one did not stop to sleep. 

I had a feeling that our travels would not lead us there though-- as the gait of the horse became not so hurried when the sun began to break behind us. I tried very hard not to sleep. It was one of the things that I began to notice in my lengthy stay in this form was that I was more tired as each day had passed. When I began to feel my body relax in my frozen state, slowly closing my eyes on the verge of blissful sleep, we stopped. Abruptly. The jilt of the horse’s hooves skidding into the earth elicited another growl from me. My nap was lost.

My eyes fully open now, I saw that we were in a dense forest. The early morning light showing garbled trees and foliage, blooming with new growth of the spring. Solas dismounted the horse with the bag I was situated in swaying against him as he dropped down. Solas began to walk the horse through the trees and soon we came upon an Eluvian that was unveiled with a wave of his hand that was tucked into a crevice of a large boulder and a fallen tree it laid upon.

Taking the reins of the horse, he led us through.

***+***

I remembered this place, the Crossroads, and the last time I was here was when I found Fen’Harel.

My bitter love.

My sweet foe.

We did not tarry long as Solas led the horse quickly down a line of Eluvians. I tried my best to keep up with the twisting and turning of the path he walked, but soon found myself dizzy. The path we took was mainly left of the Eluvian we originally went through, so that was all that I could truly remember until we passed through the Eluvian Solas had been looking for.

As Solas led the horse through, myself rocking back and forth in the bag against his stomach, what was on the other side, was quite… _absorbing_.

We entered a large and ancient circular antechamber, lit by many candles. There were two elves in the room that appeared to be replacing the candles that had burned down from the candelabras bolted to the walls that swept into a curve from the wall. 

Upon seeing ‘us’ enter, the two elves looked over, seeming relieved at Solas’ arrival. A black haired male with a short stature - his hair mussy with deep blue eyes - immediately left his task and took the reins of the horse and led it down a dark open corridor to the left. The other was female and quite beautiful; tall and sturdy in the shoulders, with dark blond hair wound tightly in a knot that favored the left side of her head. She was obviously Elvhen. Though she wore plain clothing, she was elegant with her shimmering hair pins that trailed along the crown of her head and into the base of the knot. _Definitely Elvhen_.

The way this Elvhen woman bowed to Solas, with a slight smile on her full pink lips, would have made me hiss...but I felt Solas tense just for the briefest of moments when the woman addressed him, so I stalled the strange feeling of spite that I wanted to be let out.

“Your journey was not long,” she said lightly, speaking in common but with a very thick accent I could not place. The woman returned to relighting several candles that appeared to have gone out, doing this by a quick flick of her fingers. “There is no news since your absence. I assume everything is well?”

Solas stood still in the same place he had when we entered through the Eluvian. He adjusted the satchel I was stowed in, turning me around. I found myself looking at the Eluvian. 

“No, Mirae,” Solas said the woman's name with a hint of unease. “Nothing is well. It _never_ will be. Excuse me.” Solas then began making his way forward past the woman and into an exiting tunnel.

Still slung across his back in the satchel, I saw the woman's face watching Solas as 'we' left. She narrowed her eyes when she caught sight of me, stiff in the bag.

“Eating cats, Fen’Harel?” She said after him, questioning. She was looking at him with what well may have been a covetousness stare. I then saw the woman quickly unbutton the top few buttons of the plain white blouse she was wearing, drawing her fingers down with ease and opening the lapel wide so just the bare minimum of her shallow cleavage showed. “Where did _that_ come from?”

Solas stopped, his back still turned to the Elvhen woman, Mirae. “It belonged to Ellana. It was alone, no one claimed it, so I have.”

Mirae’s eyes narrowed even more when Solas did not turn to face her to answer her question. Her eyes rolled. “The poor thing. It will have a good home _now_.”

“No,” Solas said, his back still turned and still giving me a full view of the woman behind him, “It _had_ a good home. I’ll see you and the others in three days' time.”

With that, Solas continued down the dark corridor. I kept my gaze on Mirae until I could see her no more; the whole time she stared after Solas with what I could only describe as frustration and possibly, want. 

I did not like her.

She made me growl.

~~~

Exiting the ancient antechamber now and the peevish Mirae, I began to see light brighter than the candles as I continued to be backpacked. The darkness of the corridor gave way to natural light that shined through small rectangles of glass. The panes appeared to be new integrations against the old stone of the breezeway, not quite clear but slightly pink. The sunlight that streamed through reached the opposite side of the corridor with a rose sheen that was highly unexpected for the corresponding stonework. It was soon left behind to more dulled candle-light as we entered another chamber with several more elves milling about. They all wore gleaming gold armor and were sitting on small stools at small tables, sharpening swords, or standing at attention near the corridor’s opening. Alert guards.

Obviously they did not expect Solas to return so soon, because the ones that were sitting about stood immediately and looked to already be formulating apologies. 

Solas paid them no heed and continued with his brisk stride, going through another door at the end of the room. One of the guards saw me in the satchel and tilted his head to the side, probably contemplating what the Dread Wolf was doing with a cat at his back.

It was becoming hard to ascertain what sort of stone structure I was being toted along in. Every which way Solas would enter a corridor it would be dark, then light...turning left and then right, up and then down. This made me become overwhelmed--this labyrinth of doors and tunnels. If I were to ever be found, it would probably be by the time I was dead; Leliana’s agents and the erstwhile Inquisition would never find this place. _What the fuck had I gotten myself into?_

Solas rotated the satchel I was in and I was back to hanging at his belly after the, _at least_ , dozen doors we had paraded through. He stopped and looked down, smoothing my right ear over with a thumb in a gentle pet. He was looking at me as if to check that I was still alive. I growled, and he took his hand away. “Close.” He said to me.

We entered yet another room, this time, guarded by at least thirty or more elves in varying states of armor; some gold and glittering, some thick rough leather, some thick woolen robes. There were Elvhen and...some I could tell used to be Dalish by just the way they held themselves, their vallislin removed... some city elves also appeared to be within the mix.

I honestly wondered if they, the Dalish and city elves, even knew what would happen if Solas tore the veil down. I’m sure the Elvhen ones knew, but the ‘children’, I would not be surprised if they were fed half-truths. 

But everyone seemed to be working side by side cohesively. Some at guard, some cleaning weapons or sitting around, just like the other room before... Though there were a few that were...cooking? There was a hearth with a large pot over. The steam of the stew that was within hung heavily into the chamber. 

I then began to notice other things in this room--bunks where some were fast asleep. 

This was some sort of constant _watch-room_ that needed it’s own small army, complete with a food supply and beds for rest. _Interesting_.

A few in the room stopped what they were doing and looked at Solas, nodding at him or just glancing at him only to resume what they were doing. 

Of course, another guarded wooden door was at the end. This time, as the two posted guards stepped aside as we approached, Solas lifted both arms out, and in a slow sweeping upwards motion, the door shimmered a light green. Solas then grabbed the knob to the door and opened it, slipping us both inside.

***+***

The room we entered was small and empty. There was only a few meters between us and an Eluvian against the wall. The Eluvian itself was not the tall and narrow mirror I was used to seeing; this one was shorter, and elliptical. The squat oval mirror shimmered with the same light green magic that Solas had used to enter this room.

Before I could wonder how we would enter this strange Eluvian, thinking that the only way was for Solas to crawl through it, he took the satchel I was in and placed it on the ground. My head hit the floor softly, and found myself facing the wooden door from before. I could not see what was happening, but I could hear; the sound of Solas cracking the knuckles of his hands and a very deep breath from his lungs.

Several moments went by, and I began to worry that he had left me. That he had gone through. Then I felt a pull in the air around me that made me feel cold--If I could shiver, I would have. After the chill quickly dissipated, I felt myself being lifted up in the bag. 

My limp body rolled backwards inside the canvas bag, and my eyes met with that of The Dread Wolf himself when I stilled. I stared into the jaws that clenched at the bag’s straps as I was dragged into the last remaining mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short filler chapter. I mean, it is, and it isn't. The next one will probably be as well, just to get it all set-up. But soon, things will be going forward with drama and all the jazzy comedy that can be as dramatic as it can...be? I make no sense. I am sorry.
> 
> I am enjoying writing this though. Updates are not frequent as when I first started because I kinda believe in the story I am trying to write (NO MATTER HOW WEIRD IT IS! Ha! Ha!) so I want to do it smoooooooooth. Like...Solas' smooth ass eggy-weggy head. 
> 
> Mirae (f.) --> little thief,/sticky fingers. Thank you Project Elvhen- FenxShiral, on A03. 
> 
> Oh my. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> I may or may not pity you as you delve into this garbage. :P haha.


	15. Crystal Grace, Rat Race.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I ever decided to live the life of a hobo, I would also choose a tower with a little house attachment. 
> 
> But only if a restaurant with gyros were nearby. Because... GYYYRROOOSSS!

On the other side of the Eluvian, the sun was shining brightly as I was being schlepped along in the jaws of The Dread Wolf. What I could see from my vantage point, were trees in full bloom, a blue sky littered with puffy white clouds, tall grasses, and dozens upon dozens of Crystal Grace. There was also a very large pond. 

We stopped near the pond then and I was dropped onto the plush grass before it. I could not see him, but the same strange feeling occurred when Solas changed into a wolf earlier, a pull in the air, then nothing. A moment later, I felt hands grab me out of the bag, sliding me out onto the lawn. 

“Here we are.” Solas said, looking down at me, his hand making a quick gesture. I instantly felt my muscles relax. I was free of the immobilization, and sprang on all fours. I hissed. _Several times_.

Solas began to walk away then, and I watched, confused, still getting my bearings from the long journey of leaving Skyhold to this place. 

Solas made his way up a very short flight of brick-work stairs that were built into a small hill held up by more brick-work on the outer edge of the hill. Arbour Blessing vines were sprouted all around it. At the top was a short circular tower that had a red thatched coned-roof. The tower had only three small windows from what I could see; two beside the entry way and one very tiny window built at the base of the thatch. Attached to the tower was a smaller building, quite boring, and made of stone. The entire structure was quaint, small, and tucked into a larger hill that had a deep incline littered with trees. The dwelling didn’t look to be too ancient, but it was old enough for the elements to have generated some good weathering upon it. The only thing that looked new was the red thatched roof. 

Solas was still walking away. He was at the top of the stairs now, and I quickly ran after him. Surely he would allow me inside.

_Nope._

As Solas grabbed the handle to the entryway, I bounded as quick as I could to him, my nose pressed against the right side of the door where it would open and began to meow. He looked down at me. “No, you will be outside, Da’renan.” He then shooed me away with a foot and quickly went inside, closing the door. 

Stunned, I could only stand there on my four paws, stupidly looking at the door that just closed in my face. 

It took all of my willpower to not take the collars off right then and there, open the door to his stupid fucking excuse for a tower, and unleash a holy war of my own upon him. 

Low and grumbling growls came from me as I sat before the door. I then tried the one thing that would possibly work; scratching at the wooden door insencently until I annoyed the fuck out of him with my constant noise. 

Meowing and scratching for what must have been a good ten minutes, I heard the door handle begin to open. I thought my luck was changing, but before I could jump through, I saw Solas’ hand extend through the small crevice that he opened the door with only to drop a crumbling mess of chopped salted meat onto the brick floor of the patio before me, and quickly shut it again.

So.

This is how it was going to be. 

Quelling my annoyance with my new situation, I slowly ate the food that I was so _graciously_ provided, and began to formulate what to do next. 

***+***

After eating, I prowled around the perimeter of the tower and its annex; nothing of much interest besides the Crystal Grace that twinkled softly when a small breeze blew by. Solas knew that it was one of my favorite flowers. He either planted them himself or they just happened to grow here. Whatever the case, it made me happy.

In my investigation of the tiny compound, I found two more windows behind the tower, and a few more on the annex. Sadly, all of the windows were closed and had no outer sill that I could jump upon to look inside. 

Thirsty now, I slowly bounded down the stairs and over to the pond to quench my thirst. It was not horrible tasting, but I would do anything for fresh snow. I sat at the edge of the pond and looked at all the flies and bugs whirring about between the tall grasses, or skimming over the still waters. I saw a few dark feathered ducks at the opposite side with some young. I would not harm them, because I knew all too well that mother ducks could be nasty foes. I will have to be extra careful to avoid them. 

Looking around the landscape, I tried my best to pinpoint a possible location. It screamed the Hinterlands--with its tall pine trees and rugged terrain, but the grasses were far too lush and not patchy. The structure that Solas apparently lived in, his safe-haven, was not of any architecture I had ever seen in the Hinterlands, or elsewhere for that matter. Nor have I ever seen red thatch.

Unless this whole area was magiked some way by Solas, I would say that this place did not really exist...that it was so far from the Thedas that I knew, it could possibly be on a different plane altogether.

Which complicated things.

A lot. 

Looking at the tower, I saw a tall tree that grew in the earth at the top of the stairs that leaned just enough.... _just enough_ towards the window of the roof. The entire trunk was covered in large bulges and near the top, short branches clustered together reached upwards with green, flat, and small leaves...no...needles?

I went up to the base of the tree by means of the stair, and sniffed at it. Definitely a sort of pine tree as I could smell the acrid sap beneath the thin bark. 

I gazed upwards to look back up to where the top of the tree held close to the tiny window in the thatched roof, the idea already cemented into my plan.

It had never occurred to me to try scaling a tree these past few weeks, and as I started my ascent, it felt completely natural. 

I clawed my way to the top in no time, and with a birds-eye view, I walked along the one branch that reached towards the small window. It was dark inside, so I wasn’t able to get a sense of the interior. Taking a leap of faith, I jumped onto the narrow edging of the window, balanced, and peered down.

Now that I could see the _actual_ inside, what I saw was reminiscent of the candelabras attached to the walls in the first room where the elf had taken the horse away ( and that _Mirae_ ). The un-lit candles etched along the walls, all the way to the bottom, taking up a lot of space.

This would be a piece of cake.

With a candelabra right below me, I lowered myself onto the first one with ease, and then the next, and the next, until I was finally inside on the floor of the tower. There was a singular desk towards the opposite side of the door where Solas had flung his <>i>gracious food offering at me. 

I jumped on the desk.

 _Nothing_.

The desk was completely cleared off. Not even a quill or inkwell. Not even a splatter of ink!

The desk itself had drawers, which I probably could not be able to open. I might be able to, though, if I had time, but I would not risk it. Solas could come in at any moment, and if he saw the strange cat he brought home with him trying to open up his desk, he would definitely know I was not just a regular cat.

The chair where he would obviously use to sit at, black lacquered and shining, was shoved up against the stone wall. There was nothing else in this tower except candles and hunks of furniture. 

My ears suddenly perked; a scratching sound, so quiet but one that I could pick up, made my eyes narrow. 

At first I thought it might have been Solas, but leaping down from his desk and slowly stalking the sound, I came to the small door that led to the annex. There was a wooden baseboard that surrounded the perimeter of the tower itself, cut in at least six foot facets, per. Near the door of the annex, I could see a very tiny hole suddenly appear with bits of wood particles falling onto the floor in a pile. I sat before it, and watched. 

The hole began to become larger and larger as time went by-- scratching sounds coming from it. Soon, I saw a pair of long teeth - two narrow, side by side and yellow teeth - penetrate the hole. A tiny pink nose poked through when the hole became wide enough, and it sniffed the air before disappearing, only to be replaced with the yellow teeth again. 

I’ve killed mice before, but never a rat.

My instinct to kill the rat began to overtake me.

But…

...but then I decided to leave it be.

If I were to ever be let in, there would have to be a good reason. 

I quickly jumped my way back up the candelabras and exited through the window and down the tree. Once outside, I found a soft patch of grass under some tinkling Crystal Grace near the pond. Facing the tower, I took a nap, fully rooting for the rat to chew its way through.

Solas deserved it. 

***+***

I awoke to the smell of the soon emerging night emanating through the breeze and the cooling air fluttering through my fur. The bright blue sky had turned to a hazy grey-blue and orange.

That, and I heard a ruckus coming from the tower, which sounded like yelling and banging.

The door to the tower flew open, hitting up against the outer stone. Lifting my head and looking towards the noise, I saw Solas standing on the patio in a black sweater and leggings. His hands were stiffly placed on his hips and I could see his head scanning the lawn below, eyes narrowed. The moment he saw me, he began a quick and demanding gait down the stairs and towards me. Barely awake, I couldn’t do much of anything yet, but only watch as his figure got closer and closer. 

When Solas stood above me, staring down at me, I felt the feeling of irritableness emanating from him. 

Before I could do anything, Solas bent over and picked me up roughly and began to walk back to the tower. Up the stairs and through the entrance to the tower, he set me down on the cold stone floor and squatted down to be as near to me as he possibly could. Standing in the place he put me, I meowed and looked back at him.

“Cat,” he began, forgoing the endearing name of ‘ _Da’renan_ ’ he had recently named me. Solas then opened his mouth again, as if to start telling me something to do, but he quickly closed it and shook his head. He stood and disappeared through the annex’s door, only to reappear several moments later with a bowl of water that he placed before me. No food dish. 

He wanted to provide water, but no food. 

I looked over to the small hole where the rat had been chewing through earlier, and saw that it had tripled in size. 

I was in, but only to catch the rat. 

I lapped at the water slowly, trying not to sigh.


	16. the names on the pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana is allowed into Solas' 'den', and she is somewhat horrified at what she finds. 
> 
> Solas, you fucking weirdo.

I did, eventually, catch the rat.

And I left its dead body on top of the pristine desk. 

Solas came in by the time night had fallen, picked the rat up by the tail and threw it outside. When he came back in, I had come out from my hiding place underneath the desk and sat on the chair. I was sure that he noticed I did not eat the rat, merely killed it, so I was rewarded with being let inside the annex.

Solas closed the door behind me after entering, and I slowly walked in and was met with what I very much expected; a boring kitchen with a small boring table with one chair to eat at, and what must have been the door to the external privy. The walls were bare of any artwork or any décor. Everything that hung on the walls were all useful things. Spoons. Ladles, Pots. Pans. Cups and dishes. 

There were a few candles illuminating the short rectangular room, but then my gaze fell to a dark square area butted into the corner of the floor opposite me. After Solas threw a small strip of salted meat my way, he watched me eat while drinking a cup of water. For some reason, this made me nervous and I chewed even faster. 

After I was done, Solas walked to the dark area of the kitchen, waved a hand over it and began disappearing from his feet all the way up to his bald head. Oh. A staircase. Interesting. 

I followed him and saw that it was indeed a staircase that led down into the earth, yet as I followed, the walls and ceiling that gave way were finished in beautiful stonework. _New_ stonework, at that. 

At the bottom of the short stair, there was a stubby hallway that led into a decent sized circular chamber that had the slightest dome shape. So this is what he must have meant by his ‘den’, because it was completely the opposite of the spartan upstairs, the atmosphere was cozy, welcoming, and very lived in.

There were five very long wooden tables all along the perimeter of the room, fitting perfectly up against the curvature of the walls as they were curved themselves, and were littered with papers, jars of ink, quills, gadgets I would not even begin to know what they could be meant for, and lots of other random things. Candles also lit the room in holders along the walls, but sparingly. The center of the room had a thick, deep blue circular rug littered with small plush pillows--at least two dozen, of varying colors and shapes. 

Something else caught my eye that was sitting on a shelf above the table directly opposite of the entrance--something that cut off my thoughts of why exactly Solas had a bunch of frilly pillows laying about.

My arm. 

Floating inside a long glass case.

_What the fuck._

Even though the room was not necessarily bright at the moment, I could tell that the object under the glass was definitely my severed arm. Because not only did it have a gouge out of it in the center of the palm - the shape of the anchor - but I could tell by the long ropey scar that started just beneath the thumb and went all the way down to where it was cut off at the elbow. The other part of the scar still had a long way to go past that, as it had continued almost right up to my shoulder, thanks to a dragon. It was just a puzzle piece now. 

And it looked exactly as it had that day Solas removed it for me, taking _it_ and the anchor with him. The wound in the center of my palm looked sickly. It was not glowing anymore, and purple and black skin edged it. The rest of the skin looked pale and grey. _Bloodless._ The tiniest pink sparkles of some sort of magic I have never seen floated around my detached appendage. More than likely a stasis spell. 

If Solas had the anchor, why the fuck would he be keeping my arm? 

It was weird. Yet I thought to myself in a dark humored sort of way, that maybe he would think to send it back to me, stinking and in a box with a bow before he tore the veil down.

I couldn’t look at it anymore, and turned around. Solas was fiddling with some papers on the table to the left of the hallway, if one were to enter as we both just did. Many minutes went by, and I decided to sniff around the tables myself. With his back turned to me, I jumped as quietly as I could onto the table to the right of the creepy shelf that held my hand, trying to not make any noise. I stared down at the papers. They were all drawings.

Finished drawings, half finished drawings, and sketches of _me_. Black vine charcoal of varying lengths of use were either scattered around the table, or sticking out of a few jars. I tried not to stare at the images before me, because it made my heart begin to hurt. They were, as always, works of tremendous skill which always impressed me.

I walked to the next table, the one to the right of the entrance as I was unable to bear being around images of myself, and found this one to be a little more of what I needed to find. On this table were lists of people’s names. Hundreds of names were scattered along the pages, and one thing after scanning as much as I could, were that these were names of soldiers who had been in the Inquisition.

I did not know every single soldier that had come under my charge as Inquisitor, but the ones I did know, were among this list. Private Tilda Washthrine, for instance, had her name underlined on one of the pages I decided to pay the most attention to, for this page seemed to hold many names of soldiers that Leliana had eventually recruited after the disbandment--for their natural abilities to keep secrets and their expert ‘eyes’. Looking again at Washthrine’s name, I noted that a number was assigned to her, the number twenty-two, and also the name of a place.

Crestwood. 

I looked over at Solas to see what he was doing as I heard a shifting of his feet. I immediately sat down on the desk and began to lick my right paw, over and over, bringing it to my face to rub over my whiskers, and began licking my paw again. Solas looked over at me just as I began this ‘cleaning’ and promptly went to the next table to continue with whatever it was that he was doing. When I got the sense he was deep in thought, I looked at the list again.

More and more names began to ring bells. All had numbers assigned to them, ranging from twenty to at least one-hundred and sixty. All had names of varying towns, hamlets, and cities of Thedas, too. 

Were these places where the ex-soldiers were born? Where they ended up after the disbandment--

\--wait. 

Sera was in Crestwood because she was to be leading the primary locating party. I quickly scanned the few pages trying to find ‘Crestwood’ among the ink and saw that many of the soldiers' names that Leliana had recruited were some of the better minds, as I recalled. I saw Washthrines name again on another sheet of parchment nearby, this time, it was all dedicated to the woman. The list dated the time and place, what appeared to be over the past year. The number twenty-two still remained, however. 

I took a few steps over the paper and preened myself again, hoping to give the appearance of a cat just cleaning itself (which I was because though the mud had dried and flaked off my fur, I still felt dirty) in case Solas looked over at me. I kept my left eye to the list and my right closed while I brought my paw up to ‘clean’ my face. 

I came to the deduction that Washthrine was being watched. She was being recorded where she was at, at all times. And apparently the number assigned to her could very well be one of Solas’ agents. No name, just a number.

And if this were the case, it would not take Solas long to figure out something was ‘up’, as most of these ex-soldiers working for Leliana were more than likely to be gathering for the three locating parties; One in Crestwood, where they would travel east, loop south, then sweep through the Dales, the Western Approach, as far north as they could and loop back down through Orlais back into Ferelden. The second in northern Rivain, led by an agent named Charter, where they would basically do the same thing; sweep through and down into Antiva, Starkhaven and Nevarra. The third, led by her most missed friend, Dorian Pavus, would take their sweep through the Northeast of Tevinter and all the way up to the Anderfells, then back. 

With the locator collar giving off a small beacon of at least two hundred, - _maybe_ three hundred - miles. Everyone in those parties had a long way to go. 

The realization of already being in this form for almost a month, with possibly many more to come made me sigh deeply.

_Retch_

I heard Solas immediately come over to me, and picking me up quickly, he walked back into the hallway and up the stairs to the kitchen.

“None of that.” He said, continuing into the tower. 

He placed me back outside and closed the door.

Outside, in the dark of the night, I sat. Mad at myself for not remembering to _not sigh_ , I simply sat at the edge of the cobblestone patio, looking around into the darkness. I was not tired as I had napped earlier, but I had to remember that I would need to be training myself to stay awake at night so that I could meet Dorian in the fade. 

I had plenty to think about, too. 

Prowling around the small area, I tried working out an idea of how to relay this information to Dorian. 

I found the dead rat Solas had thrown, and picking it up between my teeth, I scaled the incline of the large hill behind the tower, finding it a new location to rot in. I decided to walk further up the hill but I couldn’t; it was not because I was having difficulty, but I simply could not. 

Apparently, this small haven had barriers that permitted no one to leave, nor able to get into. 

I followed this barrier slowly, staking out the landscape that held me in. It was large enough of space, but beyond the barrier, the landscape that continued was forbidden to explore. 

I spent the rest of the night looking for weak points.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Ellana & also Solas POV


	17. Love and Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana is a creeper-peeper. 
> 
> Solas takes a nap.
> 
> Solas is annoyed by a certain Elvhen woman.
> 
> Solas gets mad as fuck.

Over the next few days, things were the same. 

Solas would allow me into the tower to catch rats or mice, rewarded me with food, then kicked me out at night. I would climb the tree and get in that way, but there really was no point--Nothing ever was on the desk in the tower, and I couldn’t get into the kitchen or den because they were sealed. Solas rarely came out as well. He kept to his underground den, because I made it a point to sit on the inclined hill to peer into the kitchen windows. If I were an elf again, I would have been considered a _creeper-peeper_. The thought amused me, and I began sneezing. 

This was my routine, until this afternoon. 

Being quite warm out, dozing under the small table on the patio, I awoke (still no sign of Dorian in the fade yet) to the tower door creaking open. Solas held two small pillows and he walked out onto the lawn by the pond, sat the pillows down, then himself. I watched as he wiggled his neck and head into the pillows, then lay his hands on his stomach after he smoothed down his thin red sweater. 

His eyes closed.

And they stayed closed for the next twenty minutes as I watched him. 

He left the door to the tower open. _Hrmm._

Watching him again for at least another twenty, I saw a steady breathing and calmness coalesce among his features. I knew that he was asleep because I had seen that face before. So many times had I awoken in my quarters, in a tent, or under the stars, to his handsome face in deep sleep. 

Now was the perfect time to snoop, and I did not waste any time.

I ambled into the tower, and saw that the door to the annex was open. Going in the kitchen, I saw that the stairway to the den was open, too. 

My luck, today, was amazing. 

Bless Andraste’s unmentionables!

I started with the table at the left, the one he had been looming over days prior. 

Stacked papers and some loose, were neatly laid amongst the table’s length. I could not disturb the stacked papers because Solas would notice. They had not much information on the top pages anyway, just a date and a number scribbled on the top page, like a cover sheet. There were sixteen of these stacks, and each one had a different number in the upper right corner; twenty through thirty-five. A thought occurred to me though, before walking to the next table, and I slightly pawed off the top page of the one marked twenty-two, not giving a damn if Solas noticed or not.

Everything was written in Elvish. Not just Elvish though, _Ancient Elvhen_. I had a horrible basic understanding of the language. I would not be able to read any of this. I had my handpicked phrases and greetings that I gleaned from being in Clan Lavellan and some from Solas--These that I liked and remembered, I knew how to speak and write. Yet I couldn’t read anything beyond that.

But one word stood out, multiple times on this second page. 

_Washthrine_.

The name stood starkly out amongst the ancient language and I studied the page for what must have been ages. I needed to commit this to my memory as best as I could. The handwriting was not Solas’. Once I felt confident that I had some words and phrases ingrained into my psyche, I slowly batted the cover page back on top.

I did this with a few other of the stacks, noting the last name of Leliana’s recruits, and Charter’s. The last two stacks contained Dorian’s name (thirty-four), and Sera’s (thirty-five). I began growling. I did not like the fact that tabs were being kept on any past Inquisition, but especially my close friends. 

I pawed Sera’s cover-page back into position.

Each stack had different handwriting. These were reports from Solas’ agents. Agents that were following these specific people. My friends.

I jumped over the short gap and onto the next table, and was met with more stacks; many, many _more_ stacks. 

But these were not stacks of regular sized parchment. These were stacks of little pamphlets, each with the title I had given. _The Dread Wolf’s Hands_.

Apparently, Solas had a little collection of my…. _our_ erotic accounts that he felt the need to dedicate an entire table to. I spent a bit on this, and discovered that he had several of the same narratives in stacks. He must have figured out the differences that Varric implemented into them. 

To be honest it didn’t surprise me one bit. Solas was extremely intuitive. 

I jumped to the next table, the one that would be considered the middle table. The one that had the shelf of my en-cased arm above it. 

More papers littered this table, but not in Solas’ neatly fashion; everything seemed out of order and in a state of chaos. There were pages from books torn out with no sign of the books themselves. Quick hand scratching that I recognized as his, occupied most of the other sheets of papers. Spending a bit of time here, I confirmed that most of the information on this desk conveyed necromancy. I looked up at my severed arm in it’s stasis, and put two and two together. Solas wanted to find a way to bring my arm back to it’s living state. 

He wanted to give it back to me.

 _Retch_.

Was he planning on giving this gift back to me before or _after_ he tore down the veil? It would make no sense to give it to me before, because there was a good chance if he succeeded, I would die. 

What exactly was he planning?

I became disgusted. 

I did not want my arm back. I had adjusted. Something that he failed to understand; that when one loses something, they adjust and carry on.

I jumped down, making my way to the table where I discovered the names (knowing that the one between held drawings of my face), but found that the papers were very much in the same state as I had left them. There was nothing else left to really investigate as of yet. 

I left the den. 

I had been in there for hours. 

I went into the kitchen to sniff around, finding a half eaten carrot on the table. I chewed at it lazily. I loved carrots, but in this form, it did not taste all that great. I heard something coming from outside, then felt a small ‘pop’ sound and the sound of grass being walked upon. Thinking that Solas had awoken from his daytime slumber, I bolted out of the kitchen and through the tower door. 

On the patio, I slowed my pace as I spied Mirae making her way from where the Eluvian would have been. I sat on the patio, and watched her as she approached Solas’ sleeping, prone figure on the plush grass, and stood there, staring at him as he slept. She stood there for far too long, looking at him, and I felt my claws extend into the cobblestones beneath me.

***+***

He had no plans of entering the fade, but merely wanted to get some sleep. He had found himself taking long naps during the day, just to get by. Just to get by since... 

No fade. No dreams. Just sleep.

The news had torn him in ways that were new, but old too, because he had experienced a great loss twice before. Mythal and Wisdom. But this new feeling surpassed those old feelings. His heart was gone, and in that aspect, his actual heart began to stall in his chest. It made him question everything, another reason to just simply sleep. He left. Twice. He pushed Ellana away, twice. She understood what was at stake, yet she wanted to work with him. Not in the way that he wanted, but he could feel her aura of complete love and devotion poke at him. Grab at him...wanting to be let in.

And he felt her anger, too. 

Anger was so close to Love. 

The reports came in that day, the day he found out. They matched up, spreading outwards from the closest towns and cities from Skyhold and into the outer wakes of Thedas. Abelas, as always, dropped the reports off to him every two weeks. After going through them, after he read what had happened, he had come outside from sudden grief to breathe in the air of his safe haven. He did not believe it at first. It could not be so simple as a fire to take Ellana out of this world. She had killed dragons! 

Abelas had known, because he remained on the premise even though he figured he had left hours ago. Grieving in Artlathan was different. Something that Abelas had remembered through the ages. His right-hand had stayed hours after giving the reports to him, knowing full well what they contained, and waited for him to come outside. 

Abelas was standing by the pond, as he walked from the tower, holding his hands together, clenching at his waist, his sweater, his neck. Abelas huffed out a breath of air, ever so steadily, and bid his farewell until he would return with the next two-weeks reports, knowing that his grief would be abundant and solitude the only way he would be able to cope for now. 

Outside of a safe place, his current home and in the night, Solas remembered clenching his stomach as the other Elvhen man acknowledged his grief, and left him to stand in sorrow. 

Solas remembered falling to his knees then, after Sorrow did finally leave, and laughed. His laughing turned into painful, hyperventilating sobs. It was the second time he felt so much grief that the two emotions mixed together. 

The first time, when he banished the Evanuris into the deep thick abyss of the veil. 

Away from him. 

Away from him. 

_Away from him._

It had worked, and he relished in the fact that they were gone, banished into the fade and into their stupid selfishness.

The second time was when he found himself completely in the depths of the fucking blessed void of loving Ellana. She was new. She understood him. She was strong. She was strong and soft at the same time. Her spirit was a continuous undulation of invigorating hope. _Possible hope,_ for him.

He had always thought of himself resilient from love the moment Mythal was no longer. He had stretched thousands of years of sleep never wanting to feel that way again. He never thought he would. He had trained himself. 

Ellana’s loss was incredibly hard to deal with. It was the part of him that did not want to continue this. It was destructive. 

He had never felt so helpless and foolish.

~~~

Half asleep now, he was just basking in the warmth of the sun. It made him forget. But when a shadow began to cool the skin of his face, he awoke fully. 

Eyes peeling open, slowly, he blinked away his drowsiness to a figure. Mirae. 

This woman had become insufferable, since Ellana had begin to publish her erotic _epics_ …

“Solas,” Mirae smiled down at him, kneeling down by his side. He sat up and watched as the woman’s hands began to brush along the blades of grass beside him, a little too close for his comfort. “Abelas will be here soon.”

“As expected,” Solas said, a bit groggy from sleep. Sitting up, he pushed his shoulder blades together, a few cracks emanating from the stretch. Getting up and leaving his pillows behind, he began walking towards the tower. “Please come inside.”

As he approached the top of the stair, Ellana’s cat meowed from the shadows of the outside table and brushed against his leg, keeping close. 

Having the cat here was somewhat sobering. _Just a little piece left to hold onto_. 

He held the door of his study open, Mirae entering with her usual swaying of hips. The cat paused at his feet and looked up at him. Gently butting a foot against the cat’s back legs, he pushed that animal inside. 

He closed the tower door. 

The sun began to droop slightly, he had observed on the way in, and cast a spell to have the candles in the tower alight. Flames rose from their wicks simultaneously, a gentle roar erupting from them, then calmed into a silence like a retreating ocean wave. 

“What news do you bring,” Solas asked. He sat at his desk and pushed himself up against the desk. 

“Your satellites are the same.” Mirae responded lightly, facing him.”The new ones are, as always, trying to prove themselves. Which means over half of them are not true. What is that cat doing?”

Solas looked at the animal in question as it had jumped onto the desk the moment he sat at it, and stared at his guest with narrowed eyes. 

“I imagine she is getting accustomed to her new owner, and to guests?”

“She?” Mirae said, then paused to look down at the animal in question.

“Yes?” He answered. “It’s not hard to tell; females have smaller noses.”

“Oh, well, you were so referring to it as an ‘it’, before.”

Solas folded his hands in his lap and sat back into the black lacquered chair. “Are you here to give me the reports, or are you here to school me on pet ownership?”

Mirae pulled out a small stack of paper from the inside of her vest and sat it down on the table. 

“Here is all that I have gathered. Same as the weeks before, and the weeks before that.” Mirae said deeply, sounding bored.

“Anything of worth?”

“No”

“Thank you,” he said politely. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight?” Mirae made a face that could only be described as ‘ambivalent’. “I thought I would rather stay for a while. I haven’t seen Abelas in so long. I would like to catch up with him.”

Solas took a deep but quiet intake of air through his nose, trying not to appear too annoyed. “Very well. If you need anything to drink or eat, you know where the kitchen is.”

“Indeed, _I do_.” Mirae smiled at him and dragging a finger along his desk, much to his annoyance, finally made her way to the kitchen. 

Solas closed his eyes and exhaled with a bit of grumbling from his throat. Quietly, he bowed his head and side-eyed the feline that was still sitting on the front corner of the desk. The cat was staring at the door Mirae just went through, still with slitted eyes and now a twitching tail. It made him chuckle into a fist. “If I didn’t know any better,” he said to the cat, “I would think that we share the same sentiments right now.”

The cat turned its head away from the kitchen entrance at the sounds of his voice and looked straight at him, blinking a few times before letting out a quiet mewling-meow. He noticed the collar around the animal’s neck. It was a deep shade of rose-pink, and it accented the cat’s grey and creme coloring quite nicely. He reached out to touch the collar, almost slipping a finger under the material, but the cat jumped off the desk and started sniffing around the floor. Mirae came back through and stood near his desk again, offering a cup of water to him while she sipped her own. 

“Thank you,” Solas took the cup, but set it down. He noticed Mirae had unbuttoned her vest, along with several of the top buttons of her shirt. The candles casted shadows into the deep ‘V’ of the opened shirt. 

_Completely insufferable._

Several moments of pregnant silence fell, and Solas was becoming agitated by it. 

Thankfully, the door to the tower opened, the cat skittered away and under his legs at the apprupt sound, and Abelas entered, closing the door behind him. 

Abelas held a thick stack of papers tied firmly with a string. Solas rose a brow at the sight; it was more intelligence that he had been given in a very long while. 

“Forgive my delay,” Abelas said, setting the huge stack on the desk and standing back before continuing. “The last ones just came in. We lost…Davhalla. Accident.”

Solas felt his head throb instantly. “ _What!_ ”, he thundered, all but screaming. “How!”

Abelas stiffened. “Rockslide. She was...there was nothing that could have been done.”

Mirae sucked in a breath and put a hand over her mouth, her eyes closing shut. For once, he shared the same emotion with her.

Solas was upset. Davhalla was Elvhen. And one of the best agents he had in the field. Their numbers should not be dwindling to rockslides. He assumed what Abelas to be true, because even though Davhalla was paired with one of his other good agents, a very well and proficient healer, it must have been too much damage to help her survive. This was a deep blow. “I assume the report is in here?” Solas pointed to the stack, veins in his neck protruding.

Abelas nodded.

“Thank you, Abelas. Expect a visit in the next day or so when I finish with these. Goodnight Mirae.” He made it quite clear that this news brought his mood to a dark place, and wished to be alone. Sometimes, Abelas would stay longer for a quick chat, or Mirae and Abelas would have one themselves. But not tonight. 

Both agents left, and Solas sealed the entrance with a wave of his hand. He pushed aside Mirae’s papers in favor of Abelas’. He needed to find out what happened. 

As he got comfortable, Ellana’s cat jumped back onto the table and sat next to him, purring and looking down at the papers with him-- probably watching his fingers worrying the edges of each and every page. He would have shooed the creature away, but the sound the cat was making calmed his spirit, which he definitely needed for the next several hours. He had a lot of reading to do, and a lot of sorting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, the image of Solas standing in a kitchen, eating a carrot by himself, amuses the fuck out of me. 
> 
> Wrote this to Love and Anger, by Kate Bush. Derp. Good tune. 
> 
> Next chapter will be Dorian! The Fade! A cat! Oh my!


	18. Fade cats, Fade ‘stache.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian is beside himself with cat-love.
> 
> Ellana has an epiphany. 
> 
> Solas sleeps too much.

I wasn’t expecting to have much luck, but since my luck had apparently come full force all within half a day, I felt optimistic and… _lucky_.

And here I was, in the fade, as a cat, meeting the sparkling eyes of Dorian Pavus before me, his dark purple robes hanging in elegant pleats. 

“Ellana?” He said, questioning my presence at first. 

_Mewwwwwwllll_

Dorian brought his fist up to his mouth, and bit onto it. His eyes widened. “You. Are. Fucking. _ADORABLE_! Can I pick you up? I am picking you up.”

Dorian picked me up. 

“This...is so insane and _delightful_!.” Dorian held me gently and began stroking my head as he began to walk along a path of fine gravel that twined along tall Tevinter architecture. “I will have to find myself a grey furry cat such as you, just so I can endure the torture of this horrid scenario that we are having to act. Damn you, Solas, you fucking twerp!”

Dorian put me down, but not before he dragged his face along my cheek and into my neck, exclaiming how ‘soft’ I was. His moustache became askew.

I growled at him.

“Right, right,” Dorian exhaled and closed his eyes, the fade around us dissipating into a mist that was just on the verge of being _too_ bright. The ground is still fine pebbles. “Well, you are obviously alive. I am guessing you are with Monsieur Twerp?”

I meowed, once--Varric had relayed the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ meow language, and I knew Dorian would know this.

“Right.” Dorian began fixing his moustache while peering off into the distance, thinking. “Will we be able to find you?”

I thought about the limiting landscape of Solas’s haven, and how it did not fit into Thedas’ own. I had no idea where I was, and that was something Leliana did not, nor myself, had anticipated. 

I meowed twice.

Dorian’s face fell, and breathed deeply. He then closed his eyes, and before me, a large and yellow sheet of parchment materialized before me on the ground. Large letters of the common alphabet were etched in very thick ink along the length. 

“I hope you can spell.”

I hissed.

“Just kidding, I know you can. Just a joke, Ellana.” Dorian squatted down, the parchment separating us. “Are you well? Are you ok?”

I ran down the length of the paper to the “Y”. Dorian stood and followed me.

“Yes. Good.” Dorian said, still playing with his facial hair. “Have you found information?”

I meowed. 

“Good idea. Just Meow your answers. I can’t focus right now, your fur…”

I growled. We did not have a lot of time. Solas apparently slept during the day now. I only abided by meeting Dorian in the fade because he was expecting a day time fade-meet.

Which made me run along letters then, spelling out: _solas-sleeps-day_.

I saw the quick phrase make sense to Dorian. “Thank the Maker’s balls. I can’t deal with wasting any more sunshine. No one can see my handsome features in the dark. Solas sleeps during the day, then?”

I meowed once.

“Poor sod. Do you have any idea where his--”

Before I let Dorian finish his sentence, he stopped as I began to spell out a name.

“Washthrine?” The necromancer repeated the name several times out loud. 

I spelled out, my paw swatting at the letters as I went, _her-sera-you-charter-watched._

“I had a feeling as much,” Dorian began to pace. “We have been trying to be as careful as we can, but there is only so much that we can do. Now that we have made contact, the locating parties will be underway. After I am done here, I will be meeting with Charter and, actually, Washthrine. Sera refuses to come here, so Washthrine is Sera’s _faaaaaddeeee_ proxy.” Dorian twiddled his fingers with exasperation.

I meowed. 

Dorian stopped pacing and bent down again, his knees cracking. “Ellana. You have to find out more about where you are. Are you at his base?”

I scampered up and down the parchment, spelling: _with-him-not-base-eluvian_

“Were you at his base before you are where you are now?”

 _meow_.

Dorian’s face scrunched. He only did this when he was trying very hard to work through a problem. “An Eluvian...an Eluvian...hrmm…” he muttered to himself, pacing still.

I remembered something immediately; The Eluvian that Solas first went through. Though I did not have exact coordinates, I did know that when Solas first took me, we were heading westward towards Sahrnia. I began meowing frantically at Dorian to break his deep thoughts.

When Dorian looked at me, I began my scribing: _west-skyhold-thick-woods-eluvian-hidden-magic-boulder-dead-tree-before-sahrnia_.

Dorian, saying the words out loud to himself as I spelled out the best and quickest way to give him information, began to smile wider and wider. When I was done, he repeated the words to himself over and over.

“There’s an Eluvian, in a forest somewhere, west of Skyhold but not close enough to Sahrnia?”

I meowed.

“Boulder...tree...um...I am lost with that.”

I sighed. _retch_

“Oh, are you ok, Ellana?” Dorian petted my head. “You poor little thing…”

I hissed at his hand, and went back to the parchment. I stood a moment, trying my best to think of how to convey to him what I meant.

_where-hidden._

“Ah-ha!” Dorian stood. “It’s hidden by a large fucking rock with a dead tree. Gee, Ellana, that sounds like most of any forest. I surmise it shall stand out against the rest?”

_Meow_

“And this Eluvian will take one into the base?” Dorian questioned.

_Meow_

“I have to report this immediately. If this is the case we may as well draw the locating parties to this area and search--”

I began hissing and retching and mewling, cutting my friend off. I knew what he was meaning to tell me. 

I spelled out: _continue-get-new-party-being-watched-remember_.

“Yes...you’re right.” Dorian frowned, then nodded. ”Perfect tactic Ellana. See? Even though you are not the Inquisitor, you still act like it. Continue on with the normal plan, but get a new party to search and find this possible hidden Eluvian. Yes, yes...understood. We should depart, now.” Dorian bent down and scooped me up in his arms again. I rubbed my face against his jaw.

“I will meet you again in one week from today. This time, at night, since your little mischievous Elvhen bumpkin is now day sleeping.”

With that, Dorian disappeared. 

I followed suit. 

***+***

It was early summer now. The sun beat down on Solas’ haven, and I figured it could be possible that we _were_ somewhere in Thedas...just somewhere that I haven’t been. I ruled this as a few days after meeting with Dorian, I had seen two, young human males making their way down the incline of the hill. However, at the point where the barrier just so happened to be, their expressions became confused, then glazed over, and began making their way up the hill again.

I could not ascertain their clothing style to be any different from plain, peasant clothing. They wore no symbolic weapons or jewellery, or _anything_ for that matter that might have given me some clue as to a location. Plain breeches, plain shirts, plain leather shoes. They did not even talk (just giggling), so I could not hear any form of accent. 

One thing I did know, was that we must have been near somewhere that had a population nearby. But a small one. 

I bounded over to the pond to drink. Solas was laying on the grass more often to sleep as the weather became nicer. His face and exposed skin of his hands and feet never burned in the sun’s rays though, but his skin darkened slightly to a fine tan. His freckles stood out more, and I sat and watched him breathe deeply in his sleep every so often. 

Not too long though, as he also kept all the doors open. So I found myself able to snoop around the den more often to find any more information. 

I looked at the growing ducklings across the pond. The mother duck was a rich black, with a pure white patch on the front of her neck and a deep iridescent blue coloring of her wings. Her growing babies had gone from grey to black feathered too, though they were still small. The father duck was very much like the mother, but from the neck up, he had dark green iridescent feathers. I had never seen ducks like these before. They were truly beautiful.

 _Wow_. 

I felt the need to laugh.

I began sneezing uncontrollably.

“Cat?” 

I looked over, stopping my sneezing at once. Solas was awake. He had sat up on the grass, the one side of his face had imprints of the blades themselves, edged in dark pink across his left cheek. 

I mewled and pawed my way over to him and rubbed my head against his feet. I couldn’t help it. I had become so excited by this new revelation of ducks.

I had several more days before I would meet with Dorian, to tell him one thing that might change everything.

I bounded up the stairs and sat under the patio’s table. Solas fell back down into the grass, going back to sleep, and I began to think as hard as I could what country these ducks could possibly be from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What better way to communicate with a Necromancer than with a Dragon Age version of a Ouija board? 
> 
> Quack Quack.
> 
> The next few chapters will probably take me a while to write. I have to get them down perfectly because they will be leading up to the utmost of drama of Ellana not being a cat anymore. I am still very much engaged with this fic, so please subscribe or bookmark to get updates. But yes, this next bit will take a while to write out.


	19. Have you been in the valley, lately?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strange fade business.
> 
> Solas is a prima-donna & a thief.
> 
> A new place and a circle of spies/Mirae is a creep.
> 
> Ellana begins to question a few things...

When I had met Dorian again in the fade, scampering up and down the parchment of letters, explaining as best as I could about the ducks, he was immediately hugging me. “Ducks!” he exclaimed , petting my head. “I believe I know exactly what breed you are talking about. Those are a breed native to northern Nevarra. I know this, because Tevinter holds them as prized games. Perhaps...perhaps you are closer to me than we realize?”

It was a start. 

I also tried my best to convey to him about the two boys I had seen, and about the barrier, making it a point that there must be a small population nearby. 

“That does sound tricky, but this is great news! I could just squeeze the life out of you, Ellana!”

Dorian also mentioned that he would like to increase the frequency of our meetings. We were to meet in four days. The locating parties were well underway across Thedas. And if I was truly somewhere in Nevarra, or even in or near Tevinter, it could still be a while before I was found. Another month, maybe two? The parties would not want to leave anything to chance, Dorian assured me. 

After not much else to discuss, Dorian left the fade. 

I was about to leave, too, but I had felt my ears turn back for a moment. I began to sense a sort of… _displacement_ in the fade around me. Fearing that it might be Solas, I quickly left, but not before seeing a dim ball of green hazy light starting to zig-zag rapidly towards me.

Something felt familiar as I faded.

***+***

Solas was extending his sleeping habits, evidently shifting into becoming a night time sleeper again, and I wondered if this was why I rarely had felt him in the fade these past few years. The shifting did not seem troublesome to him, so he must have changed his sleeping habits based on whatever need would suit him. 

He always seemed sad though, when he did wake. I knew it was because of the lie of my death. I tried keeping my distance from him, not wanting to find myself empathizing in his sadness. It was a strange situation to be in--wanting to comfort him even though he was trying to destroy the world, and I hated him for that. I had a job to do, and I couldn’t waste time struggling with my conflicting emotions. Perhaps this is what Sera had meant when we fought on the way back to Skyhold. 

Solas slept inside, as the past few days harboured ill weather, and thankfully, he allowed me in - tower only - to sleep in peace away from the summer downpour and thundering. 

This morning, though, I heard shuffling in the kitchen, and the door to the kitchen opened as I blinked my eyes awake. Stretching myself, I investigated when I did not see him exit. 

Standing by the window facing the pond, Solas stood, fiddling with a wolf pelt that was situated over his shoulders, appearing to shift it into its proper position. I remembered this pelt, because under it he wore… _that_ armor. That golden, form fitting armor that clung to his upper thighs like flies to a pile of shite. 

Except it was anything but shite. I could almost hear Sera tittering away, “ _Elven Glory_ , in the back of my mind.

The sunshine that had been hidden by clouds, breaking though finally, streamed through the pond-facing window, alighting the metal of the armor, almost blinding my early morning sensitive eyes. 

Solas began preening himself like a fucking princess, checking himself over, after the pelt was placed. Then, I saw something he took from a shelf above the window, reaching up on the ends of his clawed sabatons--

\--he pulled down a strip of white fabric.

I knew it. 

_I knew it!_

Solas took the fabric, running it through his gloved fingers, then promptly stuffed it into the gap between his neck and armor, poking it down as far as he could get it. He then looked at me. “Good morning, Da’renan.”

I meowed, circling myself around the one leg of the table, then sat, staring up at him. _Thief!_

He began walking away, through the tower and down the stairs outside. I followed, the wet grass wetting my paws. Nearing the area past the pond where the hidden Eluvian was, I darted right behind him. If he was wearing such aegis, he was going somewhere, and I was not about to be left behind. I knew that it would probably be a longshot, but I began meowing frantically at him, then jumped onto the wolf pelt at his back, clawing my way up to his shoulder. 

Solas stopped, chuckling as he grabbed me around the middle, my claws releasing their grip, and he held me up in front of him. My front legs extended out as my lower body sagged in his hold. His expression seemed to be contemplating something as he stared at me, a small smile finally pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“I suppose there are already rumors of you, Da’renan. The Dread Wolf and his cat.” Solas said to me, putting me down on the grass. “You’re good at following, but the moment you deter from my step you’re in trouble.”

With that, Solas stood back and a strange sensation came over me, causing me to look away from him; no matter how much I wanted to look, it was like I was physically unable to, something pushing my head away from him. A pull in the air, and then I looked into the eyes of The Dread Wolf when the feeling ebbed away just as quickly as it began.

The wolf opened his jaws and clamped around the scruff of my neck, lifting me, and the Eluvian shimmered into view before I was carried through.

***+***

Upon entry in the room where the posted guards stood, Solas dropped me on the ground and returned to his armor clad self. I followed him at his feet, his eyes looking down at me every so often to make sure that I was keeping up as we began navigating through the maze of his base. Solas and I exited the ancient stone of the fortress with not so much as a greeting from any of the other occupants that we passed on our way. Once outside the bright light of the sun made me wince for the second time.

What I saw, as my eyes adjusted to the light, was beautiful. 

The fortress stood on top of a rather large knoll at the bottom of a high, deep green valley. In the valley, were makeshift shelters and two story buildings -some studier than others, but all well made - with dirt paths and larger roads etched between them . Elves, thousands of them, were dotted all along this valley. It was the largest gathering of elves I had ever seen. This place was...a small city. A _hidden_ city.

I could see smoke puffing throughout the sizable habitat, some from cooking fires as the aromatic smells wafted in the breeze and to my nose, some came from chimneys of some of the shelters, and some, I could see, were merely just fires just for the sake of having one. I could hear the sound of children playing. Babies wailing as mothers tried to quiet them, and laughing men and youth. Clanging of swords. Spits of magic electrifying the air.

Solas stood and stared at it with me before he began making his descent down the dirt trail with a prideful smile upon his face. As we came closer into the settlement, revealing more and more of itself, I was impressed with a large blacksmith forge where elves were banging away on anvils, hissing sounds of hot metal being cooled by water overtaking my hearing. There were Bowyers and Fletchers working side by side, barrels upon barrels of arrows stored inside them.

It was becoming hard to focus on one single thing, because there was so much to see.

Further in still, the larger structures coming into view, I followed closely to Solas as the area became loud, bustling with foot traffic and voices. Trading posts, clothing makers, a tavern or two. No one seemed to recognize Solas as he strode briskly through the paths and through the new streets.

Solas bent down and picked me up as the throngs of people started to become thicker. I noticed a fine sheen of dust attracted to the gilding of his greaves as I was hoisted upwards. Holding me close, Solas went down a quieter alleyway between two large buildings and stopped at the side of the one to our right, pausing for a moment to breathe deeply. There was a side door, which unlocked with a wave of his hand, and we entered quietly. 

Once inside, a powerful draft of incense assaulted my nose; the flowery, thick stench making me recoil and bury my face as best I could into the wolf-pelt. Solas appeared to have the same reaction, as he muttered an unintelligible curse at the disgust of the overpowering smell. Bracing myself, I held my breathing and peered out as Solas made his way further in. Simply a hallway with a creaky wooden floor and narrow stone walls, it appeared to lead nowhere in the darkness. Solas summoned a mage-light in his palm and stepped quietly, until halfway, when he bent down and with a flare of blue from his eyes, a stairway materialized before us. 

Down we went, and the area of the floor above us closed over after the final step onto a dirt floor. We were in some sort of underground bunker beneath the building. 

Inside, was simply a spacious room. Stone walls alight with candles, a smooth dirt floor, and a group of fifteen others standing in a circle. No chairs, no table. There was a gap in the circle where Solas was currently heading, and I suddenly felt nervous. Before stepping into his place, the others watching him, he set me down on the floor and shooed me away. As Solas stood in the circle to complete it, one of the others that I recognized as Abelas, rose his hands up and a golden barrier sprang from the ground to complete as a low dome over the group. 

I sat and watched for a moment, realizing what had just happened-- I saw greetings taking place amongst the group, mouths opening as they spoke, but no words could I hear. They wore armor like Solas, leather armor, or normal, simple clothing. 

Among the group, besides Solas and Abelas that I recognized, was Mirae. I saw her point towards me, the group all turning their heads in my direction; some laughed, some smiled, and a few with a raised brow, confusion stuck on their faces, but every sound that they were making was blocked by the barrier. Solas appeared to chuckle to himself as he looked over his shoulder at me, nodding. After the silent laughs and stares ebbed, Solas appeared to quiet the group with his hands held up until not a single person spoke. All eyes were on him.

Stuck outside the silence-barrier, I sniffed around the perimeter, standing in a spot behind Abelas where I could see Solas’ face better. An Elvhen man with long copper hair stood next to his right, and a black haired elven woman to his left. I wanted to keep my gaze on Solas the most, because even though I could not hear what was being said, his facial expressions I knew the best, and hopefully they would reveal some sort of understanding of the meeting's contents. 

Solas was speaking. At first he was very calm, smiling even. But the more he talked, the more the corners of his mouth began to draw down. He pointed his finger then, across from him. I thought he was accusing one of the members of the circle, but then each person in the group shifted a step to their left, or right. A hole in the circle appeared, where someone could fill it. 

Solas closed his eyes, then I noticed everyone else did too.

Staring at Solas, he began speaking, and I found myself feeling as though I was watching something sacred. I counted the members again, excluding Solas. Fifteen. The space they created was empty, and would have made sixteen…

...oh.

I then remembered what occurred the other week in the tower, when Abelas had informed Solas of a death. Davhalla? 

This Davhalla, it seemed, was supposed to be here, in this circle. They were mourning her instead. This was the group that must have been his most trusted spies and agents. The ones that were keeping tabs on my friends and colleagues. 

Minutes went by, and they all still stood silently, until Solas opened his eyes and began speaking again. All eyes on him once more, the meeting progressed into each of the fifteen speaking, with Solas’ gaze focused on them one by one. Head nods, hands twistings and shifting from one foot to the other amongst the group, the meeting felt like it was taking hours. I walked along the perimeter of the room again-- smelling nothing in my boredom, gleaning from the silent conversation just as much, I returned to my place behind Abelas and curled up into a ball to stare at Solas. 

More time went by, and I soon found myself blinking with drowsiness, continuing to fight my eyes awake, when the room erupted into noise, startling me to having my hair raised up along my back, claws digging into the dirt, back arched. I began backing away as the group stepped away from the circle and began breaking into their own groups, chatting and laughing. I could not make myself run away fast enough as I saw a figure come towards me and picked me up.

Mirae held me close to her chest, her hair loose from the usual knot she kept it in and waves of her hair tickled my whiskers. I sorely wanted to hiss and bat her face away from mine as she bent her head down to kiss the top of my head. 

“There, there, little kitty,” she said to me. 

Solas finally came up, apparently having been looking for me, and stood before Mirae, his lips drawn tight. He held out his arms, beckoning with his fingers that he wished for her to return me to him. 

Mirae gave a fake pout that could rival one from Dorian, and relinquished me into Solas’ arms, but not before she grabbed onto his wrists, then dragged her hands down the outside edge of his hands. 

Solas frowned even more. 

“See you in a few days, Solas.”

“Yes.” Solas replied to Mirae, uncomfortable at her touch and pulling himself back. “Make sure your reports are in order this time.”

Solas put me over his shoulder, an arm supporting my back legs as we exited. Mirae was staring after us, a sly smile creeping on her lips and a dark sparkle in her eyes.

I should have bit her on the nose.

***+***

On the way back to the base’s fortress, still slung over Solas’ shoulder, I couldn’t help but feel proud. The elves here seemed safe, carefree, and full of life. Obviously Solas took care of them, yet it also seemed like they didn’t need any help. They were thriving in this location. Of the location itself, knowing it was in a valley that had a very small brook, it was quite out of the way of any human cities. The location was remote as far as I could tell. 

Why couldn’t this work?

Why tear the veil down, when the town I just saw seemed to be working? Land claims, most likely, but no one had claimed this valley; and if it was claimed, obviously it wasn’t being used for anything...just something to own for the sake of ownership. 

It would not have been settled unless Solas, I absolutely knew, would know that it would be safe enough from prying eyes. 

But it was amazing. Elvhen, and… _elves_ side by side, working together. It was easier now for me to tell the distinction between the two. Within the group of fifteen, there were several non-Elvhen; whether ex-Dalish or city elves, it did not matter. There was a real sense of community everywhere I looked.

But what would become of this community once the veil was torn, if Solas managed it? Would just this area be protected from the raw chaos? Did Solas only seem to save those from the destruction who would come to live here? Would he protect them? And anyone else who did not come to his side...were they just left to rot? I desperately wanted to talk to him, now that I have seen what he was building. Maybe this was the leverage I would need to try to really convince him to forgo his plans of destruction... 

These questions were creating a hole of unrest within me, and I didn’t even realize that Solas had me clenched in his jaws and was dragging me back through the Eluvian to his personal refuge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters will take me a while again to write. Really trying to build this up to a good spot for some revelations.


	20. The Pit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas needs a band-aide. 
> 
> Ellana goes on a fancy trip. No, she did not eat the 'shrooms. (But she might as well have, ha ha!)
> 
> Very canon divergence, but you already knew that.

The day before I was to meet with Dorian again, Solas treated me to a large plate of fresh soft cooked meats, diced carrots and chunks of bread soaked in a delicate broth, all arranged thoughtfully. He explained to me - as he began talking to his ‘cat’, more and more - that I had done a good job of clearing out the vermin around his home and deserved a little feast. 

This being the best meal I have had in ages, I ate as much as I could before it got too cold. Full to the brim, I could barely walk without wanting to just fall onto my side and sleep. I looked up at him while he sat on a solid tall stool in the kitchen, eating a light meal himself and drinking water as he stared out the front window. He looked down at me, his eyes observing the half eaten plate he provided.

“I shouldn’t spoil you,” he said, looking back out the window. “And I can’t believe I am talking to a cat.” He added and took a sip from his cup, before he began to laugh-- soft and quiet at first, then crescendoed into a loud thunderous laughter that made my ears fold backwards.

I jumped onto the tiny fold-out ledge that acted as both a window sill and a small table when he would sit to eat. Solas quieted his laughter as I sat before him. He regarded me with a mirthful grin when I blinked at him and licked a paw. 

He seemed cheerful ever since we got back from The Valley. I wasn’t sure if it was from news his agents related... or from just being in the settlement itself. Probably both, affording him good spirits while it lasted from the trip. Whatever it may be, it made me happy to see him smile again for longer than a moment. I haven't seen the sparkle he had in his eyes now, since...before he took me on that walk in Crestwood.

This happy mood of his quickly soured mine at that thought. But more importantly, my thoughts soon shifted from his gaiety to The Valley. What would happen if it were to be discovered? I knew Leliana would not harm anyone if unprovoked (not to mention Leliana was still engaged in a relationship with Neria Surana, the Hero of Ferelden and an _elf_ ; so that was also a delicate matter in the current state of the situation Solas has brought us to). The Divine wanted peace between the races of Thedas, to move onto a new era, and try to right-the-wrongs that have afflicted the elven people.

But I couldn’t say that for any of the others. The agents and ex-Inquisition soldiers working against Solas’ plans could very well be careless with the lives of the people in The Valley. 

If suddenly The Valley was to be descended upon, Solas’ agents and the people themselves would not surrender.

There would be death, on both sides. It would be yet another massacre that stained the lands of this world.

And that is what I truly did not want to happen. I had no idea that there were that many people aiding Solas’ cause, whether they truly knew what he had planned or not. I had no idea that there was a settlement, full of men, women and children. _Families._

I shifted myself to stare out the window instead of looking at him, the end of my tail began twitching rapidly. 

I was stuck. 

For fucks sake, _I was stuck_. 

I just could not afford any more death. I was trying to prevent the veil being torn, which would cause lives. Yet if I continued on with this _cloak-and-dagger_ , it could potentially do the same; albeit on a smaller scale, but it would be a huge blow to my people. Our numbers have been dwindling for decades. 

The only way out of this, was to get Solas to stop. 

I had failed before, but I was never a quitter. Being enchanted into a _fucking cat_ was proof of that.

Growling deep in my throat as I continued to look outside, I felt Solas’ hand reach out to stroke behind my ear--probably trying to soothe me. 

I swatted him, _good_. 

I hissed as I felt my claws tear through the skin of his hand and I immediately jumped down and bolted outside, the smell of his blood instantly filling the air.

I ran up the incline of the hill behind the tower and hid within a dried up and very dead shrub. I needed to get away from him. I hated him. I hated that he wouldn’t see reason, or work with me. I hated that he was so far gone into the past that he couldn’t move forward or take the time to consider alternate options.

I needed to think. 

Because what I was about to do could cause serious consequences. Leliana would more than likely be furious with me, but I was willing to put my life on the line for it.

***+***

I had fallen asleep in my anger and desperation. It was exhausting. 

I didn't mean to enter the fade, yet here I was, lying in a pile of dead leaves by the largest tree I had ever seen. The tree itself was almost bare, save for two leaves at the top that refused to go along with the wind. 

The wind itself was howling, blowing fiercely and causing more of the leaves that had fallen to scatter over my body. The sky was a deep pink, slipping into midnight blue against the black bark. The forest around the tree I was under, still had their leaves though--green and thick, dew drops slipping down the veins, dripping into the soil beneath.

I tried to not be despondent, but it was the only emotion that was hanging over me. 

I felt something, and turned my head in the direction of the lure in the air, my head moving but my body refusing to get up. 

A green, small and oval shaped light floated through the trunks of nearby trees. The light was hazy yet oddly alluring as it made its way towards me. I had seen this the last time I was in the fade, and I allowed it to come closer instead of running away from it. I was curious, now.

The light drifted in front of me, hovering. I stood and came a little closer to it. 

Something was very familiar about this...wisp? Spirit? Random fade-light? It did not feel malicious, but I had to be careful, so I stamped-out my despairing thoughts and focused on the light before me. 

The light grew slightly brighter, greener, then it engulfed me completely.

~~~

_I had no physical body; not feline or...elf. I was a strange conscious thought, tiny, but not forgotten. There was hope for me. People still needed me. I would become larger in the minds of those who sought me out._

_Traveling quickly through happiness, sadness, and the vile, I found myself in a deep part of the fade. The sky was a deep orange. It was a-light with thunder and electricity. The barren landscape was being chipped away by strikes from the sky, large chunks of the dried red earth fell into a deep canyon. Being quick, I was able to move through the debris and evade the bolts of lightning that struck every few moments. I hurled myself down, down into the dark canyon and into a pit at the bottom._

_The further I went, the more the darkness ebbed, until I came to the very foundation. It was wide down here, and a small fire was flickering off center near the pit’s wall. A figure was sitting near the fire, and they looked at me with frightened eyes at my sudden appearance, scooting backwards in alarm._

_Coming closer, I realized that the figure also had no physical body, yet clung to it’s previous one; one of The People-- with white-blond hair, small soft lips and dark brows. Golden eyes peered at me cautiously._

_“Where is your body?” I asked the spirit._

_Moments went by, my question unanswered, yet it seemed like the spirit was having a hard time speaking when her mouth finally began moving. “G..gh..gone.”_

_I hovered near her. “Gone?”_

_“I...destroyed it.” The spirit replied, and pointed at the fire before her. I looked at the fire, the orange flames licking at a pile of ash, rocks and wood. The woman’s words and mouth worked a little bit better as she continued. “It was a terrible... it made me do terrible things. I had to lose it to realize my mistakes...to keep me warm... the mistakes that I can never atone for. I deserve this hole I was put in. We all do.”_

_“We?” I questioned._

_“We…” The spirit looked down at her bare feet, then into the fire. “Not many left. I felt the loss of my lover...my brothers and sister. They gave up and left here,” The spirit waved her hands around above her head, “It was too much...because there is no way out! They gave up! They left me!" The spirit became angry and banged the heels of her palms above her eyes before she continued; "I imagine they have been enveloped into the void. They will never return. I still have hope...there has to be... but not much.”_

_“How many are of you left?”_

_“Me... and I feel father will never give up. He will eventually be the last if he does. He is the last who will always want vengeance. I do not seek it anymore. Who are you?”_

_“I am...I am Wisdom.” I thought for a brief moment. I had to keep reminding myself of who I was. “Yes. I am Wisdom. Who are you?”_

_“Ghilan'nain. I think that is what I was called.” The spirit then hugged at her knees; her face was contorted into complete misery and it made me feel sorry for her state. “Can you help me? I haven’t seen anyone, or anything since I’ve been here. I can only feel, and now that everyone is gone...almost gone...the loneliness is unbearable. All I have is the fire that burns, and I hate it. My freedom--” the woman stopped and began to cry._

_“I cannot help you.” I said as I hovered near the fire, then questioned her once more, “Your freedom?”_

_Silence, then a horrible screeching sob emitted from the spirit at the fire. “How selfish of me. No...my freedom...after what I’ve done, I don’t deserve it. Leave!”_

_The spirit pushed me upwards with a force of will, causing me to spiral upwards, hurtled out of the pit and into the landscape of static charged air and red earth._

_~~~_

_I was Wisdom. I began to remember bits and pieces as I traveled the fade and the more I remembered, the larger I grew. Ghilan’nain had helped, too. She had shown me that wisdom could grow from mistakes. It wasn’t much, what she had given me, but it was enough for me to wander faster, remember more, and be cautious._

_I was curious, however, and I began to seek out these ‘other’s' she had mentioned. Each pit I found, deep in darkness, was empty, save for a tiny black and smooth stone that would probably fit in the palm of my hand if I had one. The feeling of emptiness saturated each pit. There was nothing left to distinguish who had been imprisoned within. Complete darkness, complete emptiness._

_Meaninglessness._

_Voidness._

_Nothing._

_I hovered over the stones, contemplating them, then left, never to return; a last rite to those who they had belonged to._

~~~

The light left me, and I became slightly disoriented and feeling drained. I was not Wisdom. Everything that I just experienced was...what Wisdom wanted me to see? The green oval light before me appeared to have grown larger. So large, that I swore I could see almost a...form? A figure, yes... with hands and legs and a head? It was hard to tell--the light had become blindingly bright before me.

Then it vanished. 

I looked down and saw my paws. I was still a cat.

I would question why I had been shown what I just had seen, yet I had a feeling that I already knew.

It was time to leave the fade. 

It was time to take off the collars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Ellana takes off the collars! Dramatics and comedy to ensue! Will be heading into some serious territory here.
> 
> I really wanted to throw Surana in this fic somehow. Splat.
> 
> Chapter is kinda wee, but the ones next will make up for it. 
> 
> So for my head-canon, that was Wisdom. But not wholly Solas' Wisdom. I like to think that when a Spirit goes Ka-put, that when they go back into the fade, little bits find other little bits to stick to. So in a way this Wisdom will have memories of him in a way... but it is also made up of other Wisdoms. It also grew bigger because it kinda siphoned off some shizz from Ellana. Because it's a little creeper like that XD. 
> 
> Ghilly-nnanananana refers to Elgar'nan as father, as I just think it would make sense in that he is the All-Father, and was the head of the Evanuris, along with Mythal. So she just calls him father. Blah blah blah.


	21. The Spill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana becomes a master-seamstress of loin cloths and boob-capes. 
> 
> (Posting this chapter as is, with no once-over. just want to get it out, so lmk if it reads weird.)

I went back into the tower, into the kitchen, but Solas was nowhere to be found. He was either in the den, locked in (the stairway was sealed off) or he had left to go to the base. I was not sure if he was mad that I drew blood from him, but more than likely he would have already gotten over it; that’s what cats do, right?--bite or swat the fuck out of their owner’s hands and face? 

Yes. 

With nothing much else to do, I went back into the tower to stalk around the darkened room, a myriad of questions swirling in and out of my head; Where would I transform back? What would happen when I did? A part of me wanted an audience, just in case something went wrong. Would Solas help, once he saw that it was me?

Maybe he wouldn’t.

Maybe he would kill me instead?

There was always room for error, and I couldn’t fully rely on his fucked up take on being his ‘ _Venahn_ '. He was fully capable of stopping me. 

If he did kill me, then I suppose I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore. There is always a bright side! 

I snorted.

_Retch_.

I would not miss that.

But whatever may happen, I at least gave as much as I could for the cause--I was a cat, I had killed birds and rodents and butterflies. I had licked my fur clean, slept in the grass, climbed trees, and hissed at people that I didn’t like. 

Jumping up onto Solas’ tower-desk, I sat. My tail swished back and forth, and I saw that I was leaving long bits of fur all over. I swished harder, and more hair started to shed. I guess this came as a good time as any to return to my natural form, because I did not enjoy the thought of anyone having to brush me, _especially him_.

I also started to feel exceedingly nervous about this. I would be naked, and probably very sick. It had been a few hours since assaulting Solas with my claws, so hopefully most of my food had digested by now--which reminded me that I better take care of some business, because I did not want to… _soil_ myself either, just in case. Just the very thought made my hair stand on end.

Jumping down from the desk, I looped around the patio, past the large tree, and off to _my area_ that was far away from Solas’ abode. Finding my spot, I released what I could into the underbrush of dead pine needles and yellowing dead grass. While doing this, I heard a _pop_ sound that I recognized all too well. Scratching the dead needles over my latest and hopefully last offering, I left to see who it could be.

Coming down the incline, and back towards the tree, I slowed; It was Solas, and he was currently pulling himself up off the grass by the Eluvian (he must have just transformed back) and picked up what looked like a pillow. A beautiful rich dark green pillow.

That man and his fucking pillows. If I were to survive the transformation back I really needed to ask him what the hell his obsession with them were. 

Solas stretched his back and rolled his shoulders, pillow in one hand and began to make his way across the grass from the pond.

When Solas began making his way up the stairs, he spied me sitting by the tree staring at him with narrowed eyes. He stopped and regarded me as if my fur were on fire, then squatted down, holding onto the pillow tightly with both hands--which was not really a pillow after all, now that I could see closer, but a fashioned cat bed (I had seen them in Orlais, and also Leliana had many for her pet nugs). He “ _pst-pst_ ” at me and patted at his knee. I usually would go to him when he did this, but if these were to soon be my last moments as a feline, I wanted to relish in the act of being an elusive and defiant asshole. Something that I apparently excelled at today. I saw that his hand was healed where I had scratched him. 

I continued to sit and stare at him as he carried on trying to coax me to him with obnoxious sounds and phrases that pet owners would usually make when trying to interact with their pet, so I let him continue on with this for many long moments. It was bringing me great joy to see this side of Solas, holding a cat bed and making dumb sounds at me. It was hilarious. 

The Dread Wolf, The Great Betrayer, a thousands and thousands and thousands year old ancient Elvhen God, holding a fucking cat bed and patting at his knee. Ha!

_Sneeze_

I looked at him as he looked at me, then, and I leapt from my spot and ran into the tower door. I heard him sigh heavily as I left him there. 

Solas followed me inside and placed the cat bed near me, stood, then pointed at it. “I am not sure what has gotten into you, Da’renan. Here is a gift for you. I am sure you will figure it out.” And with that, Solas went into the kitchen and began his descent down into the underground den after a wave of his hand.

I followed him. 

And he noticed that I followed him. 

“Following me now? Like me, now?” Solas stated in my direction as he began rifling through papers at the table to the left of the entrance. “I thought you didn’t like me, Da’renan. But bite me again and I'll send you off to _Mor'vharlaan_. I’m sure there are plenty of children that would love to play with you.” He walked past me and to the table where my severed arm still stood in its case. 

I was certain that _Mor’vharlaan_ was the name of the settlement he had given to it, and in that instant I wish I knew more of the Elvhen language.

Contemplating the actual scenario where I was thrown into a group of children, I let a small growl rumble deep in my throat, but quelled it as soon as Solas turned to me again and gave me a look that basically said, “ _I am not even joking, cat_. Instead, I pawed over to sit in the center of the room amongst the plethora of throw pillows. 

I faced his back as he appeared to be cleaning off the table of necromantic incantations and calculations. He did this meticulously over the course of at least an hour--carefully reading over each page, one by one until the papers finally became a tall stack, then pushing the stack off to the side, clearing the table off. He then reached up and pulled down the case that contained my once, left arm, and got onto his knees, folding his arms onto the table and under his chin to rest his head as he stared at the morbid case.

I don’t know what came over me when I saw him do this, but I began pawing the cat collar off my head. The collar fell into a dark crevice of the pillows, which I then dug my nose into to bite down on the collar to pull it out. The collar had turned from the deep rose pink back into its original red, with the silver enchantment sewn into it. 

If I was going to do this, I would do it with a little bit of a warning to Solas. Taking the collar clamped between my tiny jaws, I walked up behind him and jumped gently and quietly onto the table before him. Solas did not even flinch at my silent appearance, but his eyes shifted from the case and over to me, and his brows furrowed when he saw the collar in my mouth. I dropped it onto the table and jumped back down into the pillow-pile. 

I faced him again, but while his back was still turned to me, he had straightened up on his knees and I watched as he picked up the collar and began examining it. I felt a weird tightness in the air after a few moments. He must be probing the collar with magic.

My heart began beating fast, I could hear it in my ribcage, pounding against the bones. Now or never.

Preferably never.

But it had to be now. 

I thought of the word I had to say, bringing as much meaning and willpower to it as I could muster, and rapidly threw the word together, twice, in the quickest succession: _Enchantment! Enchantment!_

The room grew before me as searing pain rippled from the base of my neck and into my ankles. I fell over into the pillows as I heard myself scream; a scream that came from an elven voice. 

_My_ voice. My scream. 

I shut my eyes tight as the pain did not subside as quickly as it had during the practice run in Kirkwall, and as I folded into myself, my hand clenching at my stomach where bruises would probably form, I heard a loud, deep throated, snarling coming from somewhere. I could not see, because I could not open my eyes yet, but I knew that the angry snarl was coming from Solas.

I felt hands on me then, pulling me upwards roughly under my arms, and as I sat up, I felt those hands cradle the sides of my face. As painful as my whole body felt, I managed to slowly open my eyes.

Solas was kneeling at my side, holding my head up to face his; his a mixture of worry, disbelief, and anger. When our eyes met, he let go of me and I fell back down into a crumpled heap.

“ _Ellana_!” Solas snarled at me, his rage over taking him and I felt magic vibrating into the air around me--magic that felt extremely unstable. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?” He bellowed, standing and screaming in a string of Elvhen a moment later. The realization of my betrayal, of that I had been here all along, seeing everything that he was doing, surged across his features as I managed to take a painful glance at him.

Solas towered over me, his fingers straining and shaking like claws, then making fists. He looked down as I felt the larger collar around my neck unclasp itself, only to slide down between my exposed breasts and onto a pillow at my side. Solas wasted not a second to snatch it up immediately. Holding a hand over it as he examined it, he let out a loud and breathy noise of astonishment. 

The collar turned to stone in his hand, his eyes flaring a white-blue, and threw it against the stone wall of the den, shattering it.

He did the same to the smaller one that he had left at the table. 

I lay back into the pillows, the overall pain finally subsiding throughout my body, but the pain in my ankles and the base of my back, right above my ass, throbbed with sharp, stabbing agony. I felt a rush of nausea and tried my hardest not to vomit, deciding to choke on shuddering breaths instead.

Curling back onto my side, wincing every few seconds as the pain in my ankles and lower back stabbed my nerves, Solas came to stare back down at me. I could not meet his gaze that I knew was undoubtedly narrowed with anger.

“What have you done,” I heard him ask me again, quietly this time, but then I heard quick, then running, retreating footsteps in the hallway and up the stairs, a wave of magic wafted through the den and I knew that he had sealed me inside.

***+***

I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. 

I knew there would be longer lasting side effects of the enchantment that I had endured these past months, and I wish I could go back in time and refuse the collars. 

The pain in my ankles was deep, right under the bone, like lightning striking the internally. The only thing I could think of is that this part of my body had been elongated more, as well as having a tail. The base of my spine was tingling in tandem with my ankles and I don’t think I have ever prayed to the Maker, but if he was there, I begged him to take this pain away. 

Sleeping was not an option. 

Solas had been gone for a very long time. 

More than likely he had left to go to the base and inform his agents to seal off the Eluvians, that they had been compromised. That the Valley… _Mor’vharlaan_ , had been comprimised. 

Everything that Leliana and the others had put on the line, was now fucked, thanks to me and my fucking stupidity. But I had to do it. It was a fucking mare’s nest. 

“ _Go me_ …” I whispered to myself. 

Hours passed, and I finally was able to sit up. The nausea ebbed, and the pain in my lower spine did, too. My ankles, however, continued to seize up, but at least I could tolerate it now. 

I was naked. 

I was slightly dirty--patches of dirt covered my legs and torso where I supposed I did not lick myself clean enough. I could only imagine what the rest of me looked like. I guess I was not that good at cleaning myself as a cat. 

My hair smelled horrible, and it felt greasy as I slid my fingers through it. The shaved sides of my head had grown out as well, at least a good inch. 

I was a mess. 

I began to laugh, uncontrollably, and was thankful that I was just laughing and not sneezing. 

Naked as I was, and being very resourceful, I began looking through the pile of pillows for ones that were larger. I needed to fashion myself some sort of...covering. Finding a large dark purple pillow, made of soft velvet, I gnawed at the corner, biting into the seam and when I had it opened, I began using my teeth and my one hand to gently rip the pillow apart. 

Downy feathers flitted through the air.

But soon, I had something that I could at least wrap around my lower portion. 

I did the same with two more pillows, unfortunately, one was a deep, burnt orangey-brown, the other, yellow, and I cringed at the inevitable color combination that would soon be my new _attire_.

Only having one hand, I did not do too great. The wrap that hung from my hips was ok, but the top part was chunky and more like a weird, front-neck-cape that barely covered my breasts. 

If only Josephine could see me now. 

But it would have to do. 

There were feathers _everywhere_. 

For such small pillows, they sure made quite a mess. 

I tried my best to gather the feathers into a pile near the door, but they littered everywhere; floating in the air, and sticking to the red circular rug and onto the other pillows, or landing onto the tables. Sighing, I gave up. My ankles could barely support me anymore, so I sat down into the pillows and nestled in. There was nothing else much to do, as the hours had ticked by, and I felt well enough to possibly get some sleep. I did not know how long Solas would be gone, but I had a feeling he would not be returning anytime soon. 

The amount of trouble I was in, made me shiver. He did not kill me, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be forgiving. What I did was, quite, a gigantic asshole manipulation. Not to mention Leliana. 

I should have just bitten Solas and been thrown to the children. 

***+***

I had entered the fade without wanting to. 

And I had entered it without the intention of being within Dorian’s presence. 

_Oops_. I had forgotten that we were supposed to meet. 

At first, when he looked at me, he was happy, and greeted me with a simple hello. He spread out the parchment that I would use to spell out simple phrases for him, and he began asking me the regular questions; “How are you, “Do you have any new information” and such. But as I stood there, before him, he suddenly caught on that I was not a cat anymore. 

And for some reason, I had decided to wear my makeshift pillow-ensemble into the fade (I blamed my recent disorientation from feline to elf manifestation and the trauma Solas’ anger. I just did not have the strength to ‘put’ something better on).

Dorian stood there, silent, the parchment of the alphabet disappearing into a thin grey smoke between us. I saw his eyes darting all over my form.

“Ellana...you're not a...cat, anymore.” He stated. It wasn’t a question.

“Um…” I shifted from foot to foot, my head bowing down to look at the dissipating smoke. 

“What have you done?” Dorian asked me, shifting on his own two feet and looking at me, pointedly. 

I laughed nervously; “Solas asked me that exact same thing?”

Dorian closed the gap between us, holding onto my shoulders gently, and peering down at me. I was suddenly aware of how much taller he was. The tips of my ears barely reached his breast-bone.

“It’s complicated, Dorian...just...there is a lot at stake.”

Dorian threw his head back in exasperation. I stared at the underside of his chin for several seconds. 

“Ellana, tell me,” The Necromancer released me and stood back, his eyes drilling into mine, “Did he find you out, or did you…”

“I did it.” I quickly said with a grimace. 

Before I knew it, I was talking, spilling out everything that I had learned that I could not communicate as well as a cat. I communicated with feeling and urgency. Dorian, ever the diligent soul, listened to me. He stood in front of me, playing with his moustache every so often, listening to me. I saw his skin crease between his eyes, the bridge of his nose, as I related the complex unfolding of the Elven settlement that I referred to as _They Valley_. I related to him the complications that would, or could occur if it was discovered. Even if it were to be discovered by Chantry forces, there was no single way that the discovery would not cause bloodshed. 

I then spoke of my recent fade journey to Ghilan'nain’s ‘ _grave_ ’, as I referred to it. About the wisp of Wisdom and how it grew. And how that I felt it was important to how everything would eventually play out. That is was also a deciding factor into revealing myself to Solas. 

When I finished, at least when I thought I was finished. Dorian remained quiet. I could see the gears working in his mind, processing my confidence and sorting through possible ways that this would not backfire on me. 

“So the search parties, right now, should be called off.” Dorian asked. 

“Yes,” I replied, taking a deep breath. “He destroyed the collars. I imagine fine particles are still floating through the air as I sleep.”

“Amongst the feathers?” Dorian laughed heartily, then shook his head. “Your...clothes are quite hideous. But I imagine Solas will approve of your homeless-taste.”

“Dorian,” I started with a deep sigh. “I don’t know what will happen to me. I don’t know what will happen now. But please, let Leliana know, and the others, that I am sorry. But I had no choice.”

Dorian nodded, sadly. “I know, Ellana. Choices like these are never easy, but I trust you. If you think that there is a way to get Solas to reconsider, come around...I believe that it’s you...you will be the only one to do it. Now that you are actually there, forced into his life where he cannot run away like a child would, there in his face...you can make it happen.”

I went up to my friend, and gave him the tightest hug, and held onto him even tighter. “Thank you. I will try.”

Dorian returned the embrace, his cheek I could feel atop my head. “You can do it. And don’t forget, Leliana always gives second chances. But this is the last chance for the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mor'vharlaan_ \- City of our Throat
> 
> Sorry it took a while to post. Busy week. And like I said, these last chapters are going to be more hard for me to finish, because I have to get it "just so". I had the base of this chapter written, but I kept going back in to fill in more than just the bones. I feel satisfied by this chapter, even though I am not sure. But, eh. Onwards!
> 
> Also, I am planning on giving this a real once over when this fic is finished. I am not spending too much time on grammar or spelling with this chapter and onwards, as I'm very busy, but any glaring crap I will go over once it's done to polish to the best of my ability. Or just Dm me and let me know or comment. Derp. 
> 
> Hope everyone is enjoying it so far. 
> 
> Boob Capes!


End file.
